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May 31, 2011

Machete Scavenger Hunt

We have a couple of Machete reviews already, so I won't bother to get into details on this one. The movie is funny, full of action, and worth watching twice in three days, which I did. If you haven't seen it, you really should. Danny Trejo is a guy whose name I'm always happy to see in the credits of any movie. I hope they make the sequels that the end credits promise.

Buy Machete [Blu-ray] or DVD

I did notice several great things in this movie. I want to see if you can find them too. So, if you've seen it or you haven't, I decided to create a little scavenger hunt. Print this list before you watch the movie, and see what you can find. Don't worry, there aren't any real spoilers here. I just think this is a hell of a lot of fun.

May 30, 2011

Movie Review: Deep Red (1975, Arrow Video, Blu-ray)

When I think of the some of the more notable movies taken to task by British censors, the controversial "Video Nasties" come to mind. Some prime examples of what brought ire to the UK censors are without a doubt - the fetus-munching antics in Joe D'Amato's Anthropophagous, the ghastly animal cruelty in Cannibal Holocaust and of course the rape-heavy content in I Spit On Your Grave and Last House on the Left. Amazingly, Dario Argento, who was at the time adored by both critics and fans wasn't immune to the scissors of the censor-happy puritans known as the BBFC (British Board of Film Censors). One of Argento's masterpieces, Deep Red (AKA Profondo Rosso), that was forced to have critical scenes excised - now is seeing new life on Hi-Def completely uncut.

Buy Deep Red on Blu-ray or DVD

May 29, 2011

Movie Review: Poor Pretty Eddie (1975)

Here is a little oddball gem that covers nearly every genre of exploitation. "Poor Pretty Eddie" (1975) is part revenge drama, part blaxploitation, part redneck atrocity film, part horror movie. At times it is consciously arty; at times it is deliriously wallow-in-the mud sleazy; at times it is crafted and polished; at times it is disjointed, episodic and all over the place. It is well-shot and well-acted, full of familiar and welcome character actors in roles you would have never guessed they had agreed to do. And occasionally it packs an honest wallop. It defies definition and I loved every minute of it.

Buy Poor Pretty Eddie Blu-Ray + DVD Combo Pack

May 28, 2011

Movie Review: Hanger (2009)

Directed by: Ryan Nicholson

Buy Hanger on DVD

There once was a boy named Hanger (Nathan Dashwood), who was scraped out of a skank by a gangbanger. He said with a grin as he wiped off his chin....ok I'm done. It was actually a pimp named Leroy (Ronald Patrick Thompson) that performs this ghastly "quickie" abortion on Hanger's mom, Rose (Debbie Rochon). Ryan Nicholson's (Gutterballs, Live Feed, Torched), Hanger, the story of a survivor (similar to the dramas you might see on the Lifetime network starring Jennifer Love Hewitt). Few beings are capable of such a super-human feat, as a womb-scoop, but Hanger isn't your "average" guy. He has jagged razor-sharp choppers and enjoys tearing bad people to bits; biting plus-size ladies breasts off, crushing skulls and more with his lecherous, tampon-sniffing pal, Russell (Wade Gibb). Along with his dad, "The John" (Dan Ellis), Hanger sets out for revenge on Leroy and any degenerate that comes his way. To say that Hanger is disgusting would be an understatement. I think the best way to describe the plot in Hanger is that it's a vile and heinous freak show.

TV on Blu-ray Review: The Twilight Zone: Season Four (1962, Image)

There have been many outstanding television shows throughout TV history. Few though have stood the test of time like Rod Serling's The Twilight Zone series. When I think of a show I enjoyed as a child like Tales From The Darkside, that’s all it really is, a show I enjoyed as a kid. It’s cheap and in many episodes just plain dull. Even the best of shows from yesteryear exhibit a sense of datedness. Twilight Zone, while not completely without its quirks, has such a power over viewers that didn't even grow up close to the era of its birth (1959 though the 1960s). There's almost a theatrical feeling to watching an episode: The writing is first-class (Charles Beaumont, Richard Matheson and creator Rod Serling), the production value was as good as features at the time, the acting was quality and the guest stars that frequently popped up in episodes were certain to draw viewers. Image Entertainment are giving The Twilight Zone some more Hi-Def love by putting together yet another season for the Blu-ray market with Twilight Zone: Season Four.

Buy The Twilight Zone: Season 4 [Blu-ray]

May 27, 2011

Movie Review: Savage County (2011)

I never thought I was the brightest bulb on the tree. Especially in high school. High schoolers do stupid things. Very stupid things. I think that the smaller the town you live in, the stupider the things are that you do. The kids in Savage County must live in the smallest town ever, because they do some very stupid things. In their defense, though, they are in Texas so we have to take that into account. Texas or not, you just don’t go up to the house where the crazy family lives and knock on the door. I don't care if it is the week before prom and you're blowing off some academic steam. Every town has that crazy family and you can dare each other to go knock the door… but running away once the deed is complete is usually the right course of action. The Savage County braintrust not only stayed, but they ‘accidentally’ killed the patriarch of the psychotic family with a shovel. You know, on accident to the back of the head. Yeah, the old man had a shotgun, but that doesn’t mean the all-star running back needed to swing for the fences. Oh well, I’m sure the cannibal redneck sons will know it was an accident. Yeesh. MTV should have called this The Texas Re-Hash Shovel Massacre of a 100 Corpses at a Hostel. So much for originality.

Buy Savage County on DVD!

May 26, 2011

Movie Review: Food, Inc. (2009)

I held off on watching this movie for quite a long time. I already knew a decent amount about how disgusting our food is. A friend of mine told me once about his brother who worked for the company that supplied Taco Bell its meat. According to him, they use a processed F grade meat that's mixed with a caking agent that holds in all of the grease so that the food doesn't drip. That means you ingest every little drop of grease, and whatever the fuck it is that holds it together. Do you want to know what we were doing while he was telling me this? We were eating in a Taco Bell. No bullshit.

Buy Food, Inc. [Blu-ray] or DVD

Movie Review: The Tillman Story (2010)

Before the deaths of Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein, the biggest story of the Iraq/Afghanistan wars was the death of Arizona Cardinals star Pat Tillman. The NFL favorite made the surprising choice to leave the league and millions of dollars behind to become an Army Ranger with his brother, Kevin. It seemed like the most selfless and patriotic act someone could commit at the time. In his death, he was lionized as a hero, given the Silver Star, and held up by the government as a true patriot. That was all great, until the truth came out.

Buy The Tillman Story Blu-ray or DVD

May 25, 2011

Movie Review: He (2009)

Creep Creepersin never stops acting. He over-exaggerates a blink. Jeff Dolniak could take overacting lessons from him. I swear, he overacted both sleeping and brushing his teeth in He. It's what Robin Williams must have been like at the height of his cocaine use. It's like watching someone during a jazz hands seizure. The tagline tells you that his wife wants him dead. So did I, thirty seconds into the movie.

Buy He on DVD

Let's put all of that aside for awhile. He is an annoying out of work husband to an equally annoying shrew. Maybe she didn't start out that way. Maybe he turned her into that. Either way, she's not likeable. Maybe He isn't annoying. Maybe He's just trying to balance out her terrible attitude. He is definitely troubled. He's paranoid, and he sees things. He's a very nervous guy all around. There were some odd things going on almost constantly, and that made He a more interesting character.

New Titles Coming July From After Hours Cinema!!

The RENE BOND SLEAZY 70s TRIPLE FEATURE is a toast to the lady herself - The Californian Queen of Sex - the "It" girl of the West Coast! SOUNDS OF SEX - Rene Bond and partner in grime Suzanne Fields are your giddy guides through an assortment of freaky sexual fantasies! CITY WOMAN - Three women decide to bare their bodies, explore the city and see the sights! SHOW AND TELL HOTEL - There's always something to see at the Show and Tell Hotel! From oral Olympics to incredible feats of fucking; you'll check in, but you won't want to check out!

Retail Price:$29.95

Three psychotropic features by filmmaker Eduardo Cemano, available for the first time on DVD. The Healers -Dr. Darby and his nurse are practitioners of a revolutionary sexual system of healing known as Orgasmic Free Flow. Fongaluli -This wild sex odyssey tells the story of Professor Wurtsis, whose adventures lead to encounters with strange sex-starved beings including the evil Fongawitch and her orgy-practicing disciples. Madame Zenobia -A beautiful, sad young widow continues her love affair with the "spirit" of her late husband.

Retail Price: $39.95

Both drop on 07/26/11!

Check out more info here:

May 24, 2011

Movie Review: Not Of This Earth (1988)

by James DePaolo

Plot - When a mysterious stranger arrives in town, he hires Nadine as his nurse. Although the pay is great, she becomes more and more suspicious of the stranger when his request for blood transfusions become more frequent. After some junior detective work, Nadine finds out that her new boss is not who he appears to be . . . and he is not even from our planet!

Buy Not Of This Earth on DVD

Movie Review: The Crippled Masters 3: Fighting Life (1981)

Apprehensive Films serves up the third installment of this handicapped kung fu series on DVD. Hop, limp or karate chop to check out my review. Or just hit "read more," your call Cheesers!

Crippled brothers (Jackie Conn & Frankie Shum) move to big city Taipei to search for jobs. Finding work is difficult due to their handicaps. Older brother Conn has legs but no arms, "flippers" as he calls them. . Younger brother Shum has no legs but arms which he aspires to use for an upcoming kung fu tournament. Fending off thugs and a bitch of a land lady (who sounds like Rita Repulsa) doesn't make things any easier. Throw in some crazy-fu fights (one which sees Conn fly into the air) and annoying boring drama and you have Crippled Masters 3.

Buy Crippled Masters 3: Fighting Life on DVD!

May 23, 2011

Movie Review: The Dorm That Dripped Blood (1982, Blu-ray)

Way back in the mid-eighties when I was in my formative years grew an insatiable addiction to slasher films. One film of note that came on pretty late at night on our local UHF station in Chicago was The Dorm That Dripped Blood. My first crack at seeing this was interrupted by a very pissed off parent who wasn't happy with what I was viewing. About twenty-years later I finally was able to watch "Dorm" in its entirety (or so I thought) on some uber-shitty quality DVDs from both Vipco and Jef Films under the alternate title, Pranks. Yes, I watched the film though I could barely see what was going on and it completely marred any enjoyment I could have had if those companies could've put some effort in a restoration. Not only was it in horrible quality - the film was heavily cut. They say the third time's a charm, right? Synapse Films has now released The Dorm that Dripped Blood in a Blu-ray/DVD combo pack. This may just be it.

Buy The Dorm That Dripped Blood [Blu-ray]

Sponsor Cinema Head Cheese for June!

Ever want to advertise your business, project, band, movie or anything else but figure you can't afford it? Well, now you can. We're looking for sponsors for our website and podcast, and we're starting bids on eBay at just 99 cents for one month of sponsorship. Here's how it works:

  • The winning bidder will have a commercial on June's CHC Podcast.
  • A button linking to your site will sit on top of the right hand column of our website from June 15 until July 14. The columns are visible on every single page, no matter what link you click within the site.
  • We will help you with a giveaway here on our site if you are interested.
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Now, that's not bad for a buck. Of course, the bidding could raise that amount, but that's just how eBay works. It's still a great deal. We are still small, but constantly growing. We get over 700 independent views per day on the site (tripled since last month!), and our podcast listens have grown exponentially with each episode. Movie fans will see and hear your ad, so why not give it a shot and support independent entertainment?

Click here to bid on the sponsorship for June.

If you'd like to sponsor us another way, email and ask for Kevin.


Movie Review: Shutter Island (2010)

The trailer for Shutter Island had my interest immediately. It seemed like a crazy thriller full of twists. A few people that I knew saw it, and I heard mixed reactions. Some of them complained about the ending. I didn't care. I still wanted to see it. I never got out to the theater, and somehow I managed to avoid any spoilers. I had even forgotten about it until I saw it streaming on Netflix. Oh, glorious Netflix. I had to watch it right away. I had high hopes for this movie, and I was not let down.

Buy Shutter Island [Blu-ray] or DVD

From the start, Shutter Island is unnerving. Just the look on DiCaprio's face is enough to give you the wiggly shits. The soundtrack is intense, and it ramps up at just the right moments. It's not like Scorcese hasn't done this before, but even the greats can slip. Not here. The cast is great too. Ted Levine and John Carroll Lynch are great as the wardens. Add Ben Kingsley and Max von Sydow as the lead psychiatrists. Then there's Mark Ruffalo, who I've never actually seen in anything before. The guy was really good, and it makes me look forward to seeing him in gamma radiation green.

TV on DVD Review: Breaking Bad: The Complete Second Season (2009)

I don't know if I could love a show more. The first season was great, but it keeps getting better. The second season of the show about a high school teacher turned meth dealer adds so much to its story. Walter White is really getting out of control. I know you thought he was already screwed up, but he makes things worse at every turn.

Buy Breaking Bad: The Complete Second Season [Blu-ray] or DVD

Walt and Jesse take major steps in this season. They get involved with big bad distributors, and that isn't ever good.Meanwhile, Walt's brother-in-law, DEA Agent Hank is dealing with his own issues, and he's getting seemingly closer to Walt's operation. Now we add Bob Odenkirk to the mix as the kind of lawyer you see in TV commercials. He starts out looking silly, but he takes one hell of a dark turn.

Movie Review: Hellraiser: Bloodline and Hellraiser: Inferno (1996, 2000 Blu-ray)

The Echo Bridge Blu-ray train continues to roll here at the Cheese. Today, we take a look at another double-feature pack from the Miramax/Dimension film catalog, Hellraiser: Bloodline and Hellraiser: Inferno. One of my absolute favorite directors, Alan Smithee, made what I think is the second best sequel in the Hellraiser franchise, Hellraiser:Bloodline. I've always dug Smithee's work. Hellraiser: Bloodline is high on the list though, right up there with his film adaption to Frank Herbert's, Dune. All kidding aside, if you watch and study film a little bit you probably already know when a filmmaker thinks their movie is ass they'll use the name Alan Smithee or Uwe Boll.

Buy Hellraiser: Bloodline / Hellraiser: Inferno (Miramax Double Feature) [Blu-ray]

May 22, 2011

Movie Review: The A-Team (2010)

When I heard this movie was going to be made, I got a little bit of a nerd boner. I won't lie about it. I chubbed. When I was a kid, my little brother and I watched the hour long explosion festival every week. Hannibal, Face, B.A. and Murdock were heroes. The show was full of action and humor, and I can't imagine that there was one second of it that we didn't enjoy.

Buy The A-Team Blu-ray or DVD and get The Complete TV Series on DVD

When the reviews started rolling in on the movie adaptation, I heard plenty of negativity. People said it was ridiculous and over the top. Of course it was. Did they forget the TV show? A little over a month ago, Netflix started streaming the entire series. I watched the first few episodes, and it brought me back. I enjoyed the nostalgia. I'm glad I did watch, because it really prepared me for the movie. As much as I loved the show as a kid, I loved the movie as an adult. It was a great way to bring these amazing characters back to life.

Movie Review: Mad World (2011)

Imagine a movie that is part American Pie and part Kids. I'm pretty sure that's what Mad World was going for, but it wasn't even close. I wasn't sure what it was actually supposed to be, but it turns out that I just watched the world's worst After School Special.

Buy Mad World on DVD

I get teen angst. Oh, do I get that. I went through plenty of it, and I even guided my youngest sister through some of hers. When I watched this movie, it seemed like the writer tried to come up with every possible horrific scenario that a teen could deal with. Once he crammed all of that in, he added some extreme absurdity. We get jocks bullying losers, racism, abusive teachers, sexual indiscretions, verbally and physically abusive parents and yelling. Lots and lots of yelling. The kids yell. The parents yell. The teachers yell. I could have had my TV muted and I still would have heard the horribly written dialogue.

May 21, 2011

CHC on SModcast Internet Radio!

Cinema Head Cheese, bitch! That begins our ad on Jay and Silent Bob Get Jobs, a daily Internet radio show hosted by Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes.

CHC was a sponsor of last Friday's show, and the folks over at S.I.R.! said that we could do what we wanted with the ad, so we posted it here. It was fun to be a part of this new and exciting venture, and we look forward to more exciting things from the SModcast universe.

You can listen to the ad by clicking here, and don't forget to check out S.I.R.! daily from 8 A.M. to 12 P.M. PST or you can podcast the shows over at

Movie Review: The Cat O' Nine Tails (1971, Blu-ray)

It really isn't a secret that the folks at Blue Underground have recognized the importance of Dario Argento to genre. Presenting his films on Blu-ray in the highest quality has been an area of success for them with releases of Deep Red, The Bird with Crystal Plumage, The Stendhal Syndrome. Can they keep it up? Now, Blue Underground has released the second feature in Argento's "Animal" series, Cat O' Nine Tails (Il gatto a nove code) on Blu-ray.

Buy The Cat O' Nine Tails [Blu-ray] or DVD

Pepper-nosed American Express card pitchman, Karl Malden stars as Franco Arno, a blind former news reporter who becomes intertwined in a crime case that happens outside his apartment. Arno hasn't been blind all his life and he actually has impeccable hearing that allows him to make up for his handicap. When he needs a little visual assistance his adorable niece, Lori (Cinzia De Carolis) lends her youthful 20/20 eyeballs to "Cookie's" crime-solving. Cookie is a name she calls her Uncle Arno. I told you she was adorable.

Movie Review: Heavy Times (2010)

Directors: Ryan McKenna and Benjamin Mark
Stars: Jay Brunner, Brian D Evans, Adam Lauver, Keaton Farmer and Jeff Koen

The trailer for Heavy Times is about as blatant a trailer as I've ever seen. What it suggests the film will be is comedian Jeff Koen (I use the description as provided) abusing three professional victims for the entire length of a feature. He stamps his authority over it so emphatically that the rest of the cast appear to be nothing more than background art. I couldn't help but assume the film would be a ninety minute adaptation of a particularly unsubtle stand up routine, though the synopsis did promise an insightful ride for the lead characters through an 'outrageous series of events none of them were prepared for'. Fortunately the actual film transcends the trailer and comes pretty close to living up to the synopsis, partly because Rick, Koen's character, doesn't appear for twenty minutes, thus giving writer/directors Ryan McKenna and Benjamin Mark some time to develop character and direction before he coats their picture in bodily fluids.

Movie Review: Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001, Blu-ray)

Religion is really a loaded subject to tackle for any filmmaker. It's hard enough presenting even the topic of religion in a manner that's not going to offend. The story of Jesus has been given some different takes throughout the years. Martin Scorcese, Mel Gibson, Norman Jewison and Lee Demarbre have all put their vision of God's only son on celluloid. I know what you’re thinking "who's Lee Demarbre??". Demarbre is the director of the cult hit, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter that's now available on Blu-ray courtesy of MVD Visual.

Buy Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter [Blu-ray] or Special Edition DVD or Watch it Instantly

From the title Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter your probably expecting it to be ridiculous and horribly sacrilegious. Well, the premise is pretty crazy but amazingly it doesn't put down the church all that much. Jesus (Phil Caracas) is summoned by a few of his devoted followers to battle lesbian vampires who are sucking all the locals dry. The church doesn't help much either. The Church seems to be skittish because they don't agree with their "lifestyles". Now it's up to Yahweh to find his own way - which is kicking all sorts of ass.

May 20, 2011

Movie Review: Eyes of the Chameleon

So, at first glance, Eyes of the Chameleon really has a lot going against it. First and foremost, it's a Troma release. Gentle reader, you may or may not know this, but Uncle Lloyd has owed me $50 for about ten years now. When you are as broke as I am, that $50 could be a downright windfall. Secondly, I'm not thrilled about the title. It kind of sounds like an episode title for the 1970s Wonder Woman show. As in, watch now as Lynda Carter stars as Wonder Woman in Eyes of the Chameleon! You see what I mean? But, before I even popped the movie in the DVD player, my eyes fell across music to my, well, my eyes... directed by Ron Atkins. Ron FREAKING Atkins. I knew, at that point, that this film was going to be a wetwork-laden freak show... which is a good thing, if you were confused.

Long story short, Ron Atkins is the director of gonzo cult films like Necromaniac, Schizophreniac, Eat the Rich, Mutilation Mile (highly recommended by the way) and many more. So, if you are familiar with Ron's work, get ready. If not, then strap your ass in. I was a little disappointed to see that Ron hadn't written Eyes of the Chameleon as well, being the blubbering fanboy that I am, but I digress.

Movie Review: Graphic Sexual Horror (2009)

Documentaries are almost always interesting. Sometimes they can help you expand your knowledge on something you already know about, and sometimes they can teach you about something you are ignorant of. Sometimes they tell you stories about people. Graphic Sexual Horror was a little about people and a little about something I really knew nothing about. It was interesting and odd, and it wasn't what I thought it would be.

I'll admit to looking at my share of adult videos on the Internet. Long before sites like YouPorn and Red Tube, you could see clips on sites like Stile Project or Ebaum's World mixed in with Flash cartoons. I'd always get weird things in my inbox from friends, and some of it would be crazy bondage stuff. One of the first websites to capitolize on this was Insex. They took willing models and put them through all kinds of sexual torture and ended up with a large following. They had around 35,000 people paying $60 a month to watch videos and live feeds based on their fetish. That's not a ton of people in the grand scheme of things, but it's enough to qualify as a niche.