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January 17, 2014

Secondhand Smut #1: January & February 2014

by Christos Mouroukis

I’m usually penniless because I spend all of my hard-earned on discs, books and magazines from Amazon and Ebay. I still find it weird that I’m receiving movies on my doorstep. I used to go out and hunt ex-rental tapes from video stores that were about to close.

It is the 27th of October 2013 and I am walking in a street near Athens’ famous Syntagma square, and I find a kiosk which is selling old pulp sex novels. I’ve read half a dozen of those, written by Ed Wood, and loved them, but never found the time to dig deeper. Now I will, I even found the perfect place to start from. I see something addictive coming this way.

The next day, the 28th of October 2013, I’m browsing the second-hand stores of Monastiraki. As I was expecting I didn’t find any worthy ex-rental VHS tapes. I found Sam Raimi’s Crimewave (1985), but I passed because I already own a copy of it.
But, just in front of me, there was a 1 Euro section of porn DVDs. I thought, ‘Who knows? I may find a Joe D’Amato film’ and I started browsing. I found Joe D’Amato indeed, and Russ Meyer, and Jess Franco, and Tinto Brass, and Lina Romay, and Laura Gemser, and Jean Rollin and so many more.

This bi-monthly column, will record my second-hand smut findings (both films and literature). I will be reviewing the treasures (or trash, depending on how you look at it) and I will provide you with high resolution scans of their covers. I’ll try to keep the reviews short in order to include as many as possible each time.

I hope you enjoy as much as I do!




Orgasmo Nero III (a.k.a. Sesso nero) (1980)
A businessman who looks like a porn star [Mark Shannon from my guilty pleasure Le notti erotiche dei morti viventi (1980)] goes to the Caribbean for sex holidays because he is facing castration. Indeed, sex he finds (in the first interesting scene, a maid quickly starts masturbating when she finds him sleeping naked), but he is also seeing dead people [in particular Annj Goren from Sesso nero (1980)], even though his buddy [legend George Eastman who also wrote the screenplay], who is the owner of a strip-club, tells him that’s all voodoo mumbo-jumbo.
Directed by Joe D'Amato [Buio Omega (1979)], this is essentially a love story, loaded with sleaze. The Greek title translates as Black Bodies in White Sand, and this particular DVD contains the movie in Italian language with optional Greek subtitles, and no extras.

Anal paprika (1995)
When I spotted this shot & directed by Joe D’Amato film I came in my pants. But when I returned home I realized that I came much too soon (as per usual), because the R2 DVD was damaged and wouldn’t play on my DVD player or my computer. I had a mission though: I wanted to write about this movie for Cinema Head Cheese. So I went to a friend’s place and watched a shitty-quality Italian VHS. I don’t speak the language, so I couldn’t make much sense of the story, if there was one in there to begin with.
The flick starts and ends with a party. Soon we witness a sex scene between a male doctor and a female patient. The second sex scene (is much too quick and) happens between a female pianist (who smokes) and a yuppie male. Then we get plenty of boy/girl scenes, until a lesbian one comes in. The film ends predictably with an orgy (in which everybody is fucking everybody). There is anal sex here and there, but not nearly enough to justify the title. If there is one obsession explored here, it is that of dicks finding a place between big tits in order to cum.



Story of O, the Series
(1992)
Let the perversions begin with this pseudo-philosophical entry. O’s story is known to most people so I won’t get into that. This version is not even very faithful to the book. It is one of those cases where great liberty in adaptation has been taken.
Those 10 VCDs seemingly contain one episode each from the early ‘90s Spanish TV series, which look more like ‘80s soft porn, but maybe this is because the quality of my copies is shit. Though, I’m glad I only spent 1 euro on each and didn’t buy the expensive box-set, because cheap sounding music and pretentious “poetic” voice-over doesn’t work for me. By mistake, I even bought two extra copies of two of the episodes, and gave them to my friend Dimitra.



Le parfum d'Emmanuelle (1993)
I’m a big fan of Laura Gemser, but I’m also a big fan of Sylvia Kristel, who reprises the title role here briefly. Her scenes are cleverly edited and the illusion that she appears for longer than she actually does is created. Francis Leroi directed this made-for-TV chapter. He also made Emmanuelle IV (1984) which I like a lot, but this doesn’t say much.
Young Emmanuelle is played by Marcela Walerstein, who is actually very sexy with her curly hair, but that may seem to me because I haven’t slept with many girls with curly hair. Said Emmanuelle is on a mission. A film producer asked her to bring someone important at the Cannes film festival. We get to see huge posters for Basic Instinct (1992), Lethal Weapon 3 (1992) and such flicks. Unfortunately the title character doesn’t get much action.
The rest of the movie (as the title suggests) is about a perfume that makes you young and eager for stimulated sex. Said perfume also changes your appearance if you desire so, and this happens between thunderstorms. I wish I was making this up. This story is a mess.



God's Gun (1976)
I’m a sucker for Jack Palance flicks, and Lee Van Cleef is always welcome. So let’s take a look at this Menahem Golan [The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)] production that was directed by Gianfranco Parolini.
We are quickly introduced to Sam Clayton’s [Jack Palance] gang of murders and rapists. They soon cause trouble in a respectable salon when they kill a customer. Father John [Lee Van Cleef] goes after them, unarms them, and grabs one of them and takes him to the sheriff [Richard Boone]. That’s a good set-up for a spaghetti western in my opinion.
The gang is getting revenge by killing the priest, but a young boy [Leif Garrett] leaves town in order to find Father’s twin brother [again played by Lee Van Cleef] who comes into the picture for vengeance. When the gang members see him, they believe it is a ghost!
There are some interesting stories going on here, like the one of Johnny being Sam’s son, and the sequence in which Sam is killing some of his colleagues and grabs $50.000, but the editing in the second half is a mess and we see most things through annoying flashbacks.
The quality of the PAL DVD I review is shit, but I can’t complain, because I bought it from the 2 Euros bin.


Prega il morto e ammazza il vivo (1971)
Some cowboys (led by Klaus Kinski, in one of his usual over-the-top performances) try to share a bank robbery’s gold and escape to Mexico, with the help of John Webb [Paolo Casella]. Directed by Giuseppe Vari [Suor Emanuelle (1977)], this western is ideal for academic discussion on money changing behaviour in film. I also liked the beginning credits.
The copy I grabbed from the 2 Euros bin was a bit damaged and my DVD wouldn’t play it, so I had to watch it on my computer instead, which is torture. The film is presented in Italian language, with Greek subtitles.

Emmanuelle 6
(1988)
Set partly in the fashion world, and the human trafficking underworld, and including scenes of attempted rape (in the extended ship adventure sequence) and interracial sex, this story is told with flashbacks of an Emmanuelle that is going through amnesia due to a traumatic shock that was caused by her abduction. The iconic role is played by Natalie Uher, who looks like a cheap whore in comparison to classy Sylvia Kristel.
The eroticism is all over the place and the cinematography is excellent (check out the opening shots and the last scene which is brilliant), but this sounds better on paper than it really is. At least it is not boring.
I wanted to get a copy of this for years, because it was directed by Bruno Zincone and Jean Rollin [my favourite French filmmaker of all time], plus Roger Corman was the executive producer. It works (chronologically and aesthetically) as the bridge between the franchise’s cinematic releases and TV outings. I’m glad that I only had to spend 50 cents for it.

Magique Emmanuelle (1993)
Emmanuelle [Sylvia Kristel] is telling three stories in which she is portrayed by Marcela Walerstein. In the first story the female lead goes to Greece for some island hopping. Naughty sculptures is the subject, and the adventurous girl will help with her magic perfume a woman to take back her husband who is obsessed with his new statue of ancient goddess of love Aphrodite. This first segment includes a hot lesbian scene. In the second story a bunch of girls get together for a bachelor party. This second segment is full of gorgeous people. And the third story contains a passionate interracial scene (between a black guy and a white woman).


La revanche d'Emmanuelle (1993)
In a bar, Salome, a black girl, plays a game of poker with two white guys. The bet is that if she wins they’ll give her diamonds, but if she loose, they’ll get to have her. She intentionally looses and they fuck her in this film’s first hot interracial sex scene. Plenty will follow.
Another interesting character is a perverted old man who is a voyeur. Young Emmanuelle [Marcela Walerstein] will join the action much later, and Sylvia Kristel as always is discussing the stories while on a flight with a friend. Said friend discusses some WWII nonsense during the finale. This is indeed a boring entry for the franchise.
There is a scene of supposed stimulated gay sex, but just when I thought that the TV movie was targeting an audience of not only couples, but homosexuals too, I discovered that one of the two performers is actually a girl wearing a fake beard and two oranges in her underwear that looked like balls.



L'amour d'Emmanuelle
(1993)
The title’s girl was in South America when her friend Nicky called her and asked her to find her in Hong Kong. You see, Nicky is in love with her boss Nino but is unable to flirt. So Emmanuelle uses her magic perfume and transforms into Nicky. Emmanuelle with her new appearance takes over with Nino while Nicky waits patiently in the bathroom. It all ends in a happy threesome. Nicky and Nino get married, go on honeymoon, get divorced, she gets involved with pornography, and the story goes on and on. One thing I would like to note is that the aspect ratio of all those Francis Leroi TV movies is listed on the box cover as 4:3, but in reality the aspect ratio is 16:9.



Éternelle Emmanuelle (1993)
This time Mario [George Lazenby] on his flight meets both Young and Old Emmanuelle [Marcela Walerstein & Sylvia Kristel] and they recall stories such as their first meeting. I can’t tell you much more about this TV movie [helmed naturally by Francis Leroi] as I fell asleep when watching it. I probably had enough of soft-core T&A for my own good and I’m glad that the next instalment that I’m reviewing is the franchise’s last that I hadn’t seen.



Emmanuelle à Venise (1993)
The female lead has a friend in the title’s city who is a widow. She is not interested in the countless proposals she receives to get re-married, and spends her time whipping her maid (yes, she can afford one even though her apartment looks like shit) and masturbating when thinking of her dead husband. Emmanuelle enters the picture and her friend changes drastically (she even goes to Paris with her servant for shopping). I believe mission is accomplished: I’ve seen all Sylvia Kristel Emmanuelle TV movies that are out there. I had seen the franchise’s cinematic outings a long time ago. Do I qualify as a geek?



La vendetta è un piatto che si serve freddo (1971)
Prescott as portrayed by Klaus Kinski (who barely appears in this one) is a corrupted journalist who writes shit about Indians and starts a vendetta. And that’s when my copy stopped playing. I tried to play the next chapter with no luck. And then the next chapter which played normally but when it ended I was thrown back into the main menu. Then I tried to play the last chapter (to see the ending) and I realized that it was the same chapter as the one before. But I guess that’s occasionally acceptable when you buy used PAL DVDs from the 2 Euros bin. I suspect that this disc was originally a newspaper giveaway. Yes, newspapers here in Greece give away freebies such as shit quality DVDs to attract more readers. This one is in Italian language, with Greek subtitles and the aspect ratio is 16:9 and surprisingly the transfer looks decent. This western was directed by Pasquale Squitieri [Django sfida Sartana (1970)] and has Ivan Rassimov in its cast. The Indians are obviously Italians in make-up.

Rolls-Royce Baby (1975)
The title’s character [Lina Romay] says that she is shaving her vagina in order to be desired by both men and women. When she does that she also masturbates (something that she does plenty of times throughout the picture). She is a model for nude pictures and she meets a martial artist who is very eager to see her practicing yoga naked and a little bit later they fuck. Then, Lina Romay is hitchhiking and gets picked up by a couple of truck-drivers who have their way with her (including a hardcore blowjob bit) and leave her naked in the middle of nowhere when they’re done with her. She turns things around when she picks up hitchhikers (both male and female) at the back of her Rolls-Royce.
Had this been directed by Jess Franco, today it would be regarded as one of his masterpieces, because a lot of care was put in the cinematography by Andreas Demmer. The transfer too looks awesome in its widescreen glory. Nonetheless this was written, produced and directed by Erwin C. Dietrich. By the way, one of my cats, Franco, ate part of my notepad, but luckily not any part with useful notes.

Suck My Tranny Cock (2005)
I was browsing the adult film bins in order to find anything remotely interesting when my girlfriend came over and said “Hey, I spotted a DVD called Such the Tranny Cock”. We both laughed, ignored the film, I bought some stuff and we left. A few days later we were hanging out at some friends’ place and we played pantomime and at some point we made the other team guess this title. Once they did everybody cracked up. Since then I was on a mission: to find this flick. It’s unacceptable for a title to be my friends’ curiosity and not be part of my collection. Luckily I found it pretty easily, but it cost me 3 euros.
In the first scene two girls masturbate to the box of the She-Male Strokers 7 (2004) DVD, until famous tranny Danielle Foxx comes into the picture and received a double blowjob. In the second scene a tranny stripper receives oral, but it takes a black dildo shoved in her ass to cum. In the third scene a secretary is caught masturbating on porn by her boss, and since they are both trannies they give each other blowjobs. The fourth scene is played in a restaurant and a girl and a tranny get it on while cheating on their boyfriends. The fourth scene is a “doctor” one in which the medicine is of course hot cum. This was directed by Sammy Mancini and the wardrobe is ridiculous, making every star looking like a cheap whore.



Web of Desire (1990)
Sarah Asproon [Kristine Rose] inherits a fortune, which pisses of the dead man’s relatives. She strips and fucks her way through the movie for no apparent reason, but I can’t be entirely sure as the disc stopped playing after the 45-minute mark. But I guess I should occasionally expect this when I’m buying PAL DVDs from the 50 cents bin. This film was shot, produced and directed by Joe D'Amato, and Laura Gemser appears in a couple of scenes.



Eleven Days, Eleven Nights (1987)
Michael Terenzi [Joshua McDonald] is getting married in 12 days to Helen [Mary Sellers from Deliria (1987)], but because her parents are very oppressive he finds escapism between the legs of sex bomb Sarah Asproon [Jessica Moore from Top Model (1988)] whom she met on a ferryboat.
This hugely successful erotic film (count the pseudo-sequels) by director Joe D'Amato made me laugh on a couple of occasions: first in the scene in which the star is getting dressed in drag (it’s really not erotic, and unintentionally hilarious), and second in the scene in which the female lead is alone in the bedroom with a camcorder in distance, yet we see the camera panning etc.

11 Days 11 Nights Part 3 (1989)
This is one of Joe D’Amato’s least enjoyable erotic thrillers (and unintentionally hilarious at parts). It has to do with voyeurism & voodoo, and it even includes a dancing cameo by Laura Gemser. The finale is interesting though.

The Labyrinth of Love (1993)
A hot lesbian scene, oriental pleasures, voyeurism and not much else happens in this boring film (from cinematographer and director Joe D'Amato), which works better as a character drama with plenty of uninteresting story arcs.

The House of Pleasure
(1994)
In this shot and directed by Joe D'Amato flick, a couple is visiting a business partner in Manila. Once there, his son Lin [Marc Gosálvez from Chinese Kamasutra - Kamasutra cinese (1993)] tells them that his father died. Soon, Lin and the wife fuck each other’s brains out, under the secret supervision of her husband. At some point he’s watching the action through a CCTV camera which apparently can tilt up and down! Towards the end of the picture, someone says something about a Dutch guy, and the Greek subtitles translate this as Danish. Oh, well...



Gacy (2003)
Somewhere I read a review of this film [directed by Clive Saunders] by a critic I trust, and since then I wanted to buy the flick, but never found it anywhere cheap, until I spotted it in the 1 euro bin. The PAL DVD was missing its box cover, but what do you expect when something’s so cheap?
The film starts in Wisconsin in 1953 (and mentions that most of what we are about to see is true) where we see a young John Wayne Gacy [Scott Alan Henry, who doesn’t look young at all] being abused by his father. A title card then explains that John did time for sexually harassing a boy. Now it is 1976 and we’re in Illinois and Gacy [now played by Mark Holton from Pee-wee's Big Adventure (1985)] has a family, but most importantly still has a thing for young boys. You see, he picks them up, has his way with them and then buries them in his smelly basement.
This is a good period piece, if a little bit prudish when it comes to violence.

Selen nell'isola del tesoro (1998)
In Tartuga Island’s tavern, Jack saves Joanna from the hands of a drunken sailor. And that’s about all I watched, since the PAL DVD stopped playing at this point. I tried to skip to the next chapter in order to watch at least some more of the film, but with no luck. The disc was badly damaged. From now I will be more careful when I’m buying smut from the 1 euro bin. The sole reason I purchased this is because it was directed by Joe D'Amato.

Goya and the Naked Maja (1997)
This adult film by director Joe D'Amato revolves around an artist who has his way with the nude models that pose for him (some nice Italian porn actresses). Emphasis is given on the anal scenes and the impressive slow-motion cum-shots. This is a period/costume piece, yet one of the models has a well done tattoo on her arm. There is another scene in which the painter wants to make a hot masterpiece, and asks his male model to make the female one horny. A few seconds later said female model gives oral sex to the male model. I guess she likes blowjobs so much that it is apparent that they make her hot. But this is porn, so what do I expect?



Incest in the Black Ghetto (1972, paperback)
My girlfriend bought this sex paperback for me, I am really lucky to receive such understanding and gifts.
Incest in the Black Ghetto kicks off with an introduction by one Spencer Lang who claims to be a Detroit sexologist (yeah, right). He tells us that because blacks live in over-populated ghettoes they tend to turn to family members for sex. This is hilarious stuff. I was laughing out loud while reading the whole preface. This book was written by Spencer Washington, but this sounds like a pseudonym to me. And since I don’t know much about the history of sleazy paperbacks I’ve no idea who really wrote it.
The first story’s protagonist beats up his wife, and she leaves with their children, leaving behind only their teenage daughter Elvira. Her father, an alcoholic who spends his time with prostitutes, will soon start an incestuous relationship with her (anal sex included).
In the second story, a hot M.I.L.F. has her way with her son. The third story is about a man who develops an incestuous relationship with his prostitute daughter. In the fourth story, another M.I.L.F. seduces her daughter. In the last story a woman is neglecting her husband because she got into religion and so he gets between their daughter’s legs (anal sex included).
What is brilliant about all those stories is that once they end, there is a sort of pseudo-psychoanalysis results (in the form of a summary) by the “expert” author.



Satan's Little Helper (2004)
A young boy [Alexander Brickel] is obsessed with the title’s video game. He’s also in love with his sister [Katheryn Winnick from Hellraiser: Hellworld (2005)], but she brings home her boyfriend [Stephen Graham]. The young protagonist wants to find real life Satan and become his helper in order to get rid of the antagonist. While hanging out with the devil they attack a baby, a pregnant woman and a blind man in order to score points. Who ever thought that this idea would get financed? Apparently it did, and this was directed by Jeff Lieberman [Squirm (1976) and Just before Dawn (1981)].



The Funeral (1996)
The story [by Nicholas St. John] revolves around communist Johnny’s [Vincent Gallo] death as his family of small-time gangsters tries to find who was behind the murder. There are some shocking scenes, such as the one in which a young boy learns how to shoot a helpless person, but the editing takes us back and forth all the time which was a bit tiresome. The whole thing is very Martin Scorsese (especially when it comes to mob-like dialogues), but being a fan of director Abel Ferrara I couldn’t resist buying this for 1 euro. I had seen this a few years ago on TV, but couldn’t remember a thing about it. It is good, but I’d never put it on par with The Driller Killer (1979) or Ms. 45 (1981). Now, go and buy Brad Stevens’s The Moral Vision, which is an excellent book on the director.

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