Movie Review: Zombie Massacre (2012, Extreme Video/Entertainment One)

...(...OK, movie time, movie time...Let's see...What'll it be, what'll it be...Da-ta-dee ta-dee, ta-da-ta-dee ta-dee...Ah, yes...What do we have next, on the pile...Hmmm...What's this?? "Zombie Massacre?" Presented by...by...wha...NOOOOOOO!!! Huff...huff...pant...huff...Now, wait a second...Take a deep breath... Breeeethe...Breeeethe...Breathe in...There, that's it...Now, breathe out...That's it...See, you can do it...You can get through it...After all, it's...it's only a Uwe Boll movie...)...

...sigh...alright, all levity aside, let's start off by getting the usual Uwe Boll issue out of the way, right here and now. Yes, the dude has garnished a notorious and infamous reputation for having written, produced and directed what has been indelibly striken and monikered as truly terrible schlock. Yes, there has been quite an air of mystery, regarding not only how he manages to find financing for all of his films, but also, how he manages to attract notable star talent, like Jason Statham, Ben Kingsley and Michael Madsen. Yes, as such, Uwe Boll has suffered the M. Night Shyamalan stigma of being lambasted and heavily criticized, no matter what production he attaches his name to. However, given that this viewer unfailingly keeps an open mind on just about everything set before him, and as such, tries ever so much to take each movie on it's own individual merit...well, this viewer tends to dive right in, all the while, holding his nose, so to speak...