Movie Review: Vampira and Me (2012, Cinema Epoch)

...(...read in the extremist, boisterously word-punching, albeit humorously redundant verbal styling of The Great Criswell...) "Greetings, my friends. We are all interested in finding out the truth, for that is where the truth lies waiting. And remember, my friends, such past events such as these, will unveil unto you all, such past events, which have transpired. You are interested in the unknown. The mysterious. The darkly secretive and unexplained. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened, during those fateful times. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the ever-enduring soul, who survived this arduous, yet amazing ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friends, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us finally raise the curtain. Let us finally inform the masses. My friends, can your heart...even your very mind, stand the shocking facts of...the true story of the legendary Vampira??"...