Movie Review: Zombie Massacre (2012, Extreme Video/Entertainment One)

...(...OK, movie time, movie time...Let's see...What'll it be, what'll it be...Da-ta-dee ta-dee, ta-da-ta-dee ta-dee...Ah, yes...What do we have next, on the pile...Hmmm...What's this?? "Zombie Massacre?" Presented by...by...wha...NOOOOOOO!!! Huff...huff...pant...huff...Now, wait a second...Take a deep breath... Breeeethe...Breeeethe...Breathe in...There, that's it...Now, breathe out...That's it...See, you can do it...You can get through it...After all, it's...it's only a Uwe Boll movie...)...

...sigh...alright, all levity aside, let's start off by getting the usual Uwe Boll issue out of the way, right here and now. Yes, the dude has garnished a notorious and infamous reputation for having written, produced and directed what has been indelibly striken and monikered as truly terrible schlock. Yes, there has been quite an air of mystery, regarding not only how he manages to find financing for all of his films, but also, how he manages to attract notable star talent, like Jason Statham, Ben Kingsley and Michael Madsen. Yes, as such, Uwe Boll has suffered the M. Night Shyamalan stigma of being lambasted and heavily criticized, no matter what production he attaches his name to. However, given that this viewer unfailingly keeps an open mind on just about everything set before him, and as such, tries ever so much to take each movie on it's own individual merit...well, this viewer tends to dive right in, all the while, holding his nose, so to speak...

Movie Review: Eaters (2012)

by Peggy Christie

There's a reason why one shouldn't eat dinner while one is watching an Italian horror movie, and a zombie movie to boot. Perhaps I never watched Suspiria while trying to snuffle down a hamburger casserole. Believe me, I've learned my lesson now.

Eaters is a independent zombie flick out of Italy. Like most other undead films, this one takes place after the zombies have basically taken over. Igor and Alen, two remnant soldiers of a decimated regime, have survived along with Alen's girlfriend, a couple of chuckleheads, and a doctor. They reside in an abandoned...something. Can't tell what it used to be, perhaps a hospital, maybe a factory.

Movie Review: In the Name of the King, A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007)

Uwe Boll is generally considered the worst mainstream director alive today. From horror movies based on video games (House of the Dead) to ... other horror-type films based on video games (Bloodraine, Postal), Boll shows his ineptitude with not just the camera but with dialog, actors, scripts, and pretty much every other aspect of film. Watching a Boll movie is a gut check for even the most die hard bad film seeker like myself. There is just nothing good this man does to the movie screen, and one wonders why anyone helps him finance his projects.


Buy In the Name of the King - A Dungeon Siege Tale on DVD

However, one has to respect Dr. Boll, for he manages to keep cranking out product year after year with no money from Hollywood and a steady stream of Big Name Actors (although, to be fair, most of them are no longer A-list by the time he gets them - kind of like Ed Wood and Bela Lugosi without the heroin). Which brings us to his 2007 overblown fantasy project "In The Name of the King, a Dungeon Siege Tale", which was based on, you guessed it, a video game.