Movie Review: "The Green Inferno" (2014; Blumhouse Tilt/Universal/High Top Releasing)

...as they said in that old cigarette commercial, 'you've come a long way, baby!!"...

...yes, indeed-ee, folks!! We've definitely come a long way, as far as an semblance of depiction of that oh-so taboo subject of unspeakable horror...that oh-so forbidden atrocity of human behavior...namely, the subversive and gut-wrenching concept of (...yeech!!) human cannibalism. Oh granted, in the past, we're toyed and danced around the ghastly activity, from a pop culture perspective...tempering the material with a certain overt and irreverent level of chuckle-able, knee-slapping humor. Surely, you remember those corny and stereotyped 'Looney Tunes"...the ones which had a helpless and clueless, jungle-entrenched Elmer Fudd, soaking in a big ol' black pot of steaming hot water, while a black-faced, grass-skirted primitive with bone through his nose, and sporting dreadlocks (...'onga-bonga-bonga, onga-bonga-bonga'), is cutting up carrots and potatoes into the bulbous cooking vessel. And a wayward-traveling Bugs Bunny, having taken that wrong turn at Albuquerque once again, burrows in at the last moment, and saves the day...as well as Elmer's skin, quite literally...

...and to that...oh, how we laughed...and laughed...and laughed some more...

...and later, there arose a certain social fascination with media-saturated criminal history, and the equally heinous and unspeakable crimes of true-life cannibals, like Ed Gein and Albert Fish...the horrific exploits of which were incorporated into a provocative and controversial sub-genre of horror films, stemming back as far as 1960's "Psycho". and in years to come, we'd revisit these concepts, time and time again, translated into terror films like "Deranged", the later "Hannibal" and "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre". Heck, even during this period, filmmakers would again attempt to temper that oh-so horrific idea of cannibalism, by injecting comical fervor into the ghastly and gruesome proceedings, as evident by dark-humored fright films, such as "Motel Hell", "Delicatessen" and "Parents", just to name a tender and juicy few...

Movie Review: The Dogs of War (1980: United Artists/MGM/Twilight Time)

...ah, mercenaries...ya' gotta love 'em, right?? Heroes unto themselves, in the sense that...much like bounty hunters...they act and behave of their own accord, and get the job done via unconventional and unorthodox means, when those who subscribe to the lawfully established and so-called acceptable 'rules of the game', have failed. Driven by their own self-serving agenda...the culmination, be that of heartful heroics, thrill-seeking recklessness and/or monetary gain...and yet, wholly honor-bound and dedicated to the cause, in which they were hired to taken on. Confident, albeit arrogant in their ability to persevere, and yet...considering the unpredictability of the vocation...quite well aware that the next mission laid before them, might well be their last. As such, lovingly embracing a death wish, so to speak...but hey, at least there's a paycheck in it, should one survive, to fight yet another day...

...good grief!! 'Heroes', nothing...this viewer pretty much just defined the classic 'anti-hero', right??...

Movie Review: The Crown and the Dragon (2013)

I love a good dragon movie! Except when it’s about slaying dragons. Then I’m all ‘WTF, a-holes?’ I don’t get many fantasy movies in my CHC care packages so it’s a refreshing change of pace from the usual rubber guts and cheap CGI and poorly written scripts.

Well, at least this one didn’t have the rubber guts.

The Crown and the Dragon has a three-week voice over in the beginning, explaining the terrible Trelanis or Vitalians who decided to conquer nearby lands filled with Dagons or Derins (honestly, I heard every possible pronunciation of these people and I STILL don’t know what the fuck they are all called). Let’s just call them The Douchevanians and The Lameites.

Movie Review: Tarzan (2013; Constantin Film/Lionsgate)

...yep, these days, the legendary Lord of the Apes...well, he ain't gettin' no love, film-wise. No siree, bob...in this day and age of super-powered, gadget-toting iron men, bat men and spider men, and/or other-worldly super men, ol' muscle-bound, grunting, vine-swinging Tarzan, for the most part, seems to be getting the ol' shaft-o-roonie. Eh, understandable, one might suppose, considering today's superhero-worshipping audience might well take one look at a celluloid-rendered version of Edgar Rice Burrough's classic literary character, shrug their shoulders, and think, '...eh, no powers?? Just muscle, animal 'magnetism' and the typical sense of right, wrong & justice...besides all that, who and what the heck is he, and what can he actually do, compared to...say, the likes of Wolverine, or The Hulk??" In fact, getting less respect, these days, than even the often heckled Aquaman...and heck, we don't even need to go there, right??...

...and to think, at one time, Tarzan was much more respectfully revered, as a savage 'hero amongst heroes'...at least, cinematically (...all due credit to athletically-vigorous Johnny Weismuller, or even via early TV broadcast (...oh, that muscle-bound Ron Ely). So what gives, as far as contemporary depiction of the once-iconic character, who pretty much hasn't seen proper representation, since...uh, can you say 'Christopher Highlander Lambert', in the heavily dramatic 1984 compeller, "Greystoke, the Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes"?? Who knows?? But in the advent of Disney, having let their rights to the character expire, and recently, those rights having been deftly picked up by a German computer animation production company...well, let's just say that our intrepid, vine-swinging Lord of the Apes, isn't exactly faring particularly well, of late, and has definitely seen better days...

Movie Review: Cannibal Holocaust (1980, Grindhouse Releasing)

...ah, yes!! It was a sweltering mid-80's summer sizzle, when this viewer, per chance, received an updated mail-order flyer from one of this ardent collector's numerous bootleg 'connections' (...my favorite, at the time, was the exclusive and 'rare' bootleg offerings from published & respected horror auteur and spokesperson, Chas. Balun); it was a time, genre-wise, on the final gasp of gutsy theatrical releases...those films, daring not to adorn themselves with one of those pish-posh MPAA ratings...wearing instead, the seductive banner, sternly reading, "...there is no explicit sex in this picture; however there are scenes of extreme violence, which may be considered shocking. No one under 17 will be admitted". And an eye-rolling 'ya-dada, ya-dada, ya-dada...'. George Romero called it out, inaugurally, with his zombie masterpiece from 1978, "Dawn of the Dead", and of course, anything produced by Italian goremeister Lucio Fulci, post-"Psychic", was domestically labeled as such (..."Zombie", "City of the Living Dead/The Gates of Hell", "The Beyond", "House by the Cemetery", et al.). The quirky 1982 Spanish slasher, "Pieces" wore that badge of proudly shameless honor, as did the gory 1985 domestic splatter classic, "The Mutilator". And of course, later, in what was considered the 'year of the living dead', so did 1985's "Re-Animator", and the George Romero classic, "Day of the Dead"...with some of these aforementioned 'unrated' titles, wimping out, by quickly being pulled from theaters, and later re-released by 'hard R' versions...

...and yet, despite regular engagement of such deliciously visceral, higher-profile theatrical genre fare...for this ardent devotee of the crimson-drenched macabre, as probably was the case for most people of similar ilk, there was always that underlining desire to push that visceral threshold even further, and at the same time, a veiled and hesitant-to-admit apprehension to do so. Now, admittedly around this time, this viewer had indeed been 'hovering' over an at-the-time-only-available-underground title...intriguingly, albeit graphically entitled, "Cannibal Holocaust"; it compellingly and daringly claimed that this one was the 'one that goes all the way!!' Oh, really?? Considering the exploitative breakdown of the title...we're talking 'cannibals', and a 'holocaust', right...as well as the suggestive banner, describing how far the film supposedly goes...well, that's an impressive boast...oh hell, I'm game!!...

Movie Review: "Captain Kidd" (1945; United Artists/Cheezy Flicks)

...there's an old saying, about 'truth' being 'stranger then fiction'; often we hear about stories, related to certain historical figures or celebrities, which we'd come to accept as the norm, and yet, when one digs deeper amidst the common pleasantries, one finds that there's a lot more to the story, than originally related. As much as we want ever so much to forever remember and recall the best and most significant deeds and behavior of a famous person, we are also drawn toward the underlining controversy, as far as the true nature of the person...and often times, that 'true nature' isn't hardly what we expected, or perhaps would rather not have known about. And then, there's the opposite side of the matter...a matter which suggests that this historical figure or famous personality has proven to possess a relatively interesting background...but not in Hollywood's terms; and when that happens...well, our fine and fettered Hollywood writers & filmmakers, just can't help but deftly and creatively weave greater interest and intrigue, for the fascinating, albeit less-than-charismatic character...fiction, yes, but fiction deftly woven into fact. It's happened countless times in the magically embellishing realm of Hollywoodland, and such is the case with one of Cheezy Flicks recent additions to their spansive selection of films; indeed, from a historical point of view, one definitely won't come across any new revelations about Captain William Kidd, in the daring pirate adventure excursion from 1945, United Artists' "Captain Kidd", but what the filmmaking powers that be, have come up with, herein...on an anemic shoestring budget, no less...is still a whole heck of a lot of fun to watch...

Movie Review: CZ12: Chinese Zodiac (2012, Emperor Motion Pictures)

...really gotta give mega-action-star Jackie Chan, some serious gumption. After all, look at the dude; at only 59 years of age, still being one of the most youthfully vibrant celebrities, working in martial arts cinema, despite his seasoning...and still doing his own stunts, at his age, no less. The guy is, without a doubt, the 'Mick Jagger' of the martial arts movie genre, in the sense that the death-defying stunts that he does, isn't gonna kill him; it'll be merely the fact that he'll keep tirelessly working in the motion picture field, up until the point that...well, up to the point when he just can't do it, anymore, physically...he's that dedicated. What's so damn cool about that dedication, is that for him, it's not just for the money...it's for the endless, world-wide legion of fans, who he dedicates himself to. As such, this proves a most invariably inarguable point, considering his well-documented, record breaking stuntwork, which has been a better part of his work...as well as the ensuing, equally record-breaking injuries, which he has sustained, in the course of the 40-some-odd years, which he has been performing (...and for those privy to all of Jackie's work, that observation might be emphasized best, in watching the jaw-dropping end-credit outtake footage, in each of his films...a practice, which he was inspired to include at the end of each of his films, after having starred in 1981's "Cannonball Run"...which also included outtake footage, during the end credits). Well, this viewer is here to tell you that despite his reported announcements, Jackie seemingly appears to have no sign of stopping in his tracks and packing it in, as far as offering his fans, the death-defying, action-packed thrills and chills they've come to expect, as evident in his latest cross-country actioner (...yes, he directed this one, too)...a rollicking excursion in comedy, intrigue, mystery and high adventure, called "CZ12: Chinese Zodiac"...

Movie Review: Quest For Fire (1981, Blu-ray)

Review By: Rob Sibley

I remember watching Quest For Fire when I was just about six years old. I remember staying up late one night and popping in the VHS with my older brother. The film completely captivated my imagination. So twenty years after first seeing the flick on VHS I finally got the chance to revisit it courtesy of Second Sight Pictures on glorious Blu-ray. I tackled the film with great trepidation, you know films you see as a kid and love then you watch them again years later and they lose that magic. Luckily this wasn't the case with Quest For Fire.

I found myself engrossed in the world from frame one. Think about by all means QFF should be a cheese fest. Were dealing with sabor tooth tigers, cave men, ape men and all sorts of things that are recipes for cheese. But director Jean-Jacques Annaud pulls everything off by playing it completely serious. The film is drenched in a rich atmosphere thanks to cinematographer Claude Agostini who usually worked on French comedy's. The locations and costume designs are just spot on and help draw you in. 

Movie Review: Super 8 (2011)

I knew very little about this movie going in. The most common thing I heard was that it was a love letter to Steven Spielberg movies. That would be a fine thing to say if Spielberg wrote himself love letters. He produced the J.J. Abrams directed film. To me, it was a throwback to the movies of the early 1980s that were aimed at my generation. Despite what my bio says, I was born in 1976, so I grew up watching things like E.T., The Goonies and Explorers. The heroes were kids my age, and they lived adventurous lives. This was a common theme at that time, and it can probably be blamed for the popularity of the Coreys. What can I say? You get some good, and you get some bad. Super 8 is a return to the best part of that era.

Buy Super 8 [Blu-ray] or DVD