Sick of all those well acted ape movies? Tired of seeing top of the line CGI? Fed up with fresh stories and writing? Then do I have the movie for you!
Empire of the Apes is basically THE biggest rip off of Planet of the Apes I’ve ever seen. Oh, excuse me. Homage. That’s code for “I couldn’t think of anything original so I just rewrote something I thought was bitchin”. What the fuck ever, dude.
The story, which is told in a flashback by a man about to be executed, is this. Space ship is transporting a cargo of female prisoners (read: three) to a distant plant where they have been sold to a species that only uses females for pleasure (is there any other use for them, besides making sandwiches?). But the women say, ‘oh, hell no’ and make their escape. Unfortunately, the short range pod they’ve stolen crashes on a nearby planet that is home to a species of talking apes. And by species I mean there are six of them.
The apes decide that the women will make great breeding stock to repopulate their species. Wait, what? But in order to determine which ape gets to breed with which girl, the ape leader, Korg, must bring back The Great Ape Games, i.e. really really bad fake WWE smack-downs. They will fight to determine who gets first pick.
And once they'd figured out the women were from off-planet, the apes must find a way to escape this world with them. Apparently, they’re stuck on this rock for reasons unknown (and who really cares) so when Zantor, the prisoner transport captain, tracks down the escapees, he and Korg strike a mutually beneficial deal. Unfortunately, they both plan to double cross each other.