Movie Review: Halloween Hell (2015)

Ed Hardy is back after a long hiatus to give us another glimpse of gory horror in Halloween Hell. The director, most notable for the late 70s and early 80s efforts Bloody Birthday, Plague and Alien Warrior. As a fan of the time period, and Ed's films in general, I was eagerly anticipating this new venture. I remembered the gory practical effects and solid characterization on a budget that was a hallmark of an Ed Hunt film. Halloween Hell has a portion of that, which is great, but it suffers from a reliance on digital effects that are, truly, sub par and a talent pool that was drained before shooting began. Still, there are moments of really effective horror filmmaking but they are hampered by budgetary and talent constraints.

Movie Review: Vampira and Me (2012, Cinema Epoch)

...(...read in the extremist, boisterously word-punching, albeit humorously redundant verbal styling of The Great Criswell...) "Greetings, my friends. We are all interested in finding out the truth, for that is where the truth lies waiting. And remember, my friends, such past events such as these, will unveil unto you all, such past events, which have transpired. You are interested in the unknown. The mysterious. The darkly secretive and unexplained. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened, during those fateful times. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the ever-enduring soul, who survived this arduous, yet amazing ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friends, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us finally raise the curtain. Let us finally inform the masses. My friends, can your heart...even your very mind, stand the shocking facts of...the true story of the legendary Vampira??"...

Movie Review: Minty the Assassin (2010)

Do you remember those bad Misty Mundae movies that Cinemax used to show about ten years ago? Those were Oscar material next to Minty the Assassin. In fact, Minty puts the ass in assassin so many times that the movie could easily be called Minty the Assassassassassassassin. It's really that bad.

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I imagine the phrase, "You know what would be funny?" being spoken many times throughout the writing and making of this movie. Whatever the answer to that question was, it was wrong every single time. The idea is similar in style to Tank Girl. Minty is a comic book character trapped in a world with a slutty vampire, zombies and super villains who can all apparently be defeated with a kick in the balls. Minty spend the majority of her time being let by her kidnapped boss who guides Minty using a cell phone that he somehow mailed to her after he was captured. I guess they let him step out to the post office before they tied him up.

Movie Review: Lizard Boy (2011)

By Travis G.

D: Paul Della Pelle

A geneticist working on highly top secret project for the government making super cross breed reptiles is having a little trouble in the bedroom. While he may be a genetic genius in the lab hes a dud in the bedroom. So much so that his fiancé dumps him. So instead of creating a hot new love slave he decides to use reptile DNA to make a kid. As kids are always nothing but trouble instead of dealing with a scratched fender, Mr Henderson’s broken window or a missing beer from the fridge he is now dealing with an MMA loving reptilian offspring that has a bad habit of leaving dead bodies around. If that weren’t enough he now has the government after him realizing that he has been up to more than downloading questionable porn while he is suppose to be working.

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Movie Review: 2033: Future Apocalypse (2011)

I'm not the typical sci-fi fan. I'm very picky with what I get into. An epic can be good if the story of the first film makes you curious enough to want more. That happens to be the case with 2033. It's a little bit of 1984 with a lot more hope. It plays on the fears that government will take control. I can't say that I know how things are in Mexico, but I think that's a universal fear. We see it happening all over the world, and no country is ever far away from a good old fashioned revolution.

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Movie Review: Hide and Go Kill 1 & 2 (2008)

I really like Japanese horror films, for the most part. Takishi Miike is a master director in the genre and American producers prove that over and over again by remaking his Japanese films in English. The Japanese horror film, unlike our Western films, is more concerned with atmosphere and mood than logic and plot (and some people can argue that the current state of American horror is evidence that we do not care about story or plot either). Ringu, Ju-On, Death Note, Battle Royale… all of these are fine examples of authentic, mood-driven Japanese horror. Hide and Go Kill, 1 and 2, are not fine examples. These are the Japanese equivalent of our shot on video b-movies. Where we, the American crap filmmakers (myself included), rely on hackneyed story and tired character archetypes, the Japanese schlock filmmaker relies on tired and predictable visuals to set the mood. And, before you ask, whatever story or plot logic the majors have in Japan is completely out the window. So, after sitting through Hide and Go Kill I am officially retitling the English version as Hide and Go Shove a Pencil in Your Ear, ‘cause that’s what it felt like.

Buy Hide & Go Kill and Hide & Go Kill 2 on DVD!

The Dark Lurking (DVD, Cinema Epoch)

Ugh, this was tough. I went into watching this optimistic and thinking it'd be a fun, low budget monster flick. Low budget, yes...extremely. Fun, only because I was laughing at what I was subjecting myself to. I love bad, B horror flicks, but this is on it's own level of dreck. Why did I dislike it so much? Read on dear Cheeser, if you dare...






The plot (if you wanna call it one) is one that's been used and exhausted for years. Mutated experiments escape, kill and hunt for the remaining survivors on a spaceship. Our survivors are cliched to umpteenth degree. You have the token girl with a connection to the aliens. The beefy Commandos that have no idea whats going on. The scientists that may or may not know what the creatures are. Oh, don't forget about the random characters that serve no purpose other than to be eaten. Their plan is to escape the ship before they become monster food. And, that's it. There is zero characterization for me to even care if these people come out alive. I understand you don't watch flicks like this for characterization, but if there was anything remotely cool to keep my interest piqued I wouldn't be so harsh. It's not the low budget that bogs this flick down. 95% of my favorite films are low budget B goodness. It's the overall lack of care that went into the making. The dialogue, cinematography, acting and Windows '96 CGI and more make this a complete stinker.

Cinema Epoch brings The Dark Lurking to DVD in an anamorphic widescreen presentation. It doesn't look to good but I blame that on the films low budget production. Audio is a Dolby Digital mix which does it's job, no problems in that department. Extras include a stills gallery, trailer, 25 minute "making of" and a short film from the director titled "Netherworld". Also promo gallery for other flicks from Cinema Epoch.

The Dark Lurking is a drivel of a flick, a definite pass.