MOVIE REVIEW: Argento's Dracula (2013, DVD)

Review By: Rob Sibley

Argento... Argento... how the mighty have fallen. I'm kidding, I know Drac 3D has become a running joke ever since the "praying mantis" scene from the first teaser trailer leaked, people joke about this film. Is it a cheese fest? Yes, you bet your ass it but it's also a lot fun. Sure this is pure "cinema head cheese" pardon the plug but you're already reading this, so good for you.

Now we'll get to what the film does right and what it does wrong, this will be a shorter review because it's an easy film to spoil, it really is. Before you watch this film, think of the worst Hammer Horror vampire film, then add buckets of "Mother of tears" style gore and plenty of T&A. Yes Asia Argento is naked a lot in this film. Within the first 10 minutes you see torture, nudity, sex, and major carnage.

Movie Review: The Horde (2009)

There have been many zombie movies in the last decade, and now there is even been a television show that features our brain eating friends. I've seen some of them, and they all start to have a similar tone. A virus is spread, and we slowly see the takeover happen as a few ragtag survivors fight to stay alive. This theme really goes back to the original Night of the Living Dead. This is where The Horde takes a different angle.

Buy The Horde [Blu-ray] or DVD

At an officer's funeral, a woman begs a mourner not to do what she knows he's going to do. He's a fellow cop, and he wants revenge. The same goes for a few others. She makes him promise that he'll bring them all back safe, which is just about the time you know that most of them won't.

Movie Review: Kill List (2012)

Certain movies gain attention for shock value or twists and turns. Kill List was getting this kind of attention before I even heard of it. At first, it's hard to figure out where that comes from, but as the story plays out, things start to get confusing, but not just for the viewers. Our two main characters get lost in the chaos as well.

We start with Jay, a man who has a tumultuous relationship with his wife due to money issues. Jay hasn't worked in eight months, and cash is dwindling. They try to hide their struggles from their preteen son, but he sees it all. After a dinner with his best friend Gal, Jay decides to return to work. It turns out that the two are hitmen, and they are tasked with a list of victims.

Movie Review: Cave Of Forgotten Dreams 3D (2011, IFC Films)

It's documentary time here at the Cheese and today it's none other than legendary German director Werner Herzog's recent feature Cave Of Forgotten Dreams that's on the menu. Five years after the release of Herzog's critically acclaimed Grizzly Man, the filmmaker has taken the focus from exploring the life of bear-loving activist Timothy Treadwell to the exploration of the stunning Chauvet Caves of Southern France.

Buy Cave of Forgotten Dreams on Blu-ray or DVD

The Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence Trailer

I know there are plenty of folks out there who thought the original Human Centipede was disgusting or stupid, but I don't think they saw the movie for what it really was. Take the character of Dr. Heiter by himself, and you have some great dark comedy. Those who got it, loved it, and I am a member of that flock.

Buy The Human Centipede (Unrated Director's Cut) [Blu-ray] or DVD


The sequel is something that many of us have been waiting for, and we've been promised a twelve part centipede this time around. The story is about Martin, a man who becomes obsessed with the original movie. He decides to create his own centipede, and I'm sure the results will be very interesting. While the first film boasted its medical accuracy, the sequel claims the opposite. The trailer follows. It looks like we don't have to wait very long for the film.

Movie Review: I Sell the Dead (2008)

IFC Films has been coming out with some very interesting genre pieces as of late and I Sell the Dead is not the least among them. Very slick, written and directed by Glenn McQuaid, I Sell the Dead is a fun little romp through 18^th Century England. Dominic Monaghan (Lost, The Lord of the Rings), Larry Fessenden (The Last Winter, Wendigo, Habit), Ron Perlman (Hellboy, Alien 3) and Angus Scrimm (Phantasm 1-4) star in this period piece on a budget. More comedic than scary, I Sell the Dead appears to be a loving homage to the Hammer Film. I’m a huge Hammer Film fan and, therefore, I enjoyed it. It might not be up everyone’s alley, but I’ve learned that what I like is what I like… the rest of you can suffer.

Buy I Sell the Dead on Blu-Ray and DVD!

Movie Review: Tetsuo: The Bullet Man (2009, MPI/IFC Midnight)

Shinya Tsukamoto's 1989 hit Tetsuo: The Ironman was really an original piece of cinema 21 years ago. It echoed much of David Cronenberg and David Lynch's work and really brought "cyberpunk" full circle. His sequel, Tetsuo: Body Hammer, changed things up a bit but still displayed the eye-candy that made his debut so successful. Tetsuo: The Bullet Man is the third film in the trilogy and possibly the most manic ride of the three, but is it the best?

Buy Tetsuo: The Bullet Man on DVD

Anthony (Eric Bossick) is an American businessman living in Tokyo living with his wife Yuriko (Akika Mono) and young son Tom (Tiger Charlie Gerhardt). Yuriko is a paranoid mess and is on the verge of becoming a complete basket case. One foggy Tokyo day, Anthony decides to take a stroll down a busy city street with Tom. Being the responsible parent he is, he lets Tom dodge cars in oncoming traffic. The inevitable happens and is hit - purposely though. This throws Anthony into a body-changing, metal nightmare filled trip through hell. Soon Anthony becomes a metal bullet shooting machine taking out anyone getting in his way. With this newfound powerful ability, Anthony takes full advantage and attempts to hunt the creep down who rolled over his kid.

Movie Review: Savage County (2011)

I never thought I was the brightest bulb on the tree. Especially in high school. High schoolers do stupid things. Very stupid things. I think that the smaller the town you live in, the stupider the things are that you do. The kids in Savage County must live in the smallest town ever, because they do some very stupid things. In their defense, though, they are in Texas so we have to take that into account. Texas or not, you just don’t go up to the house where the crazy family lives and knock on the door. I don't care if it is the week before prom and you're blowing off some academic steam. Every town has that crazy family and you can dare each other to go knock the door… but running away once the deed is complete is usually the right course of action. The Savage County braintrust not only stayed, but they ‘accidentally’ killed the patriarch of the psychotic family with a shovel. You know, on accident to the back of the head. Yeah, the old man had a shotgun, but that doesn’t mean the all-star running back needed to swing for the fences. Oh well, I’m sure the cannibal redneck sons will know it was an accident. Yeesh. MTV should have called this The Texas Re-Hash Shovel Massacre of a 100 Corpses at a Hostel. So much for originality.

Buy Savage County on DVD!

Movie Review: Antichrist (2009)

Some movies are just bizarre. They throw things at you that don't entirely make sense. They like to pretty well fuck with your head. Antichrist is definitely one of those movies. It starts simply enough. A couple (Willem Dafoe and Chorlotte Gainsbourg) are having crazy wild sex in the shower and on the bed while they think their son is taking a nap. Unfortunately, he is wide awake and decides to climb out of his crib. Excited by the snow he sees through an open window, he ventures out and falls three stories to his death. Let me tell you, that's a great scene to watch while your two-year-old is asleep in the next room in your fifth floor apartment. Awesome.

Buy Antichrist on DVD

Anyhow, the rest of the movie deals with the couple's grief and their attempt to deal with it. It is segmented into chapters which are lead by title cards made of interesting artwork. Early on, we see the husband, a therapist known only as He, counseling his wife (She). He admits that this is frowned upon by the psychiatric community, but he knows what's best for her.

Movie Review: The Human Centipede (2010)

By Cooper Neslon

Up until last night I didn’t think horror movies could get much more disturbing in a slice-a-person-up kind of way than watching the likes of Saw or Hostel... and then I watched The Human Centipede.  As a horror movie goes there isn’t much to it unless you are the type of a person that fears the that-could-actually-happen-to-me type of scenario.  Nothing throughout the movie really makes you jump, and the level of gore that you actually see is only at about a three in my books, but the concept and what the film leaves to the imagination is more than enough to make you sick to your stomach.  In all, the production value is subpar and the acting is only so-so.  The only thing that gives this movie any reason to be watched is if the concept of stitching three people together mouth to anus intrigues you enough to waste a couple hours of your life; otherwise take my advice and don’t pick this movie up.

Buy The Human Centipede DVD or The Human Centipede Blu-ray!

Movie Review: Enter The Void (2009)

I have many independent film directors that I admire for particular reasons, but only a few really surprise me with each of their projects (which is a unique feat in itself considering the lack of originality in current films). Two filmmakers of note that I hold high on the list are Todd Solondz (Happiness, Welcome to the Dollhouse, Palindromes) and controversial French director, Gaspar Noe (Irreversible, I Stand Alone, Destricted). Both men are very similar in regard to the fearless nature of their films but Noe, for me, even takes a leap over Solondz's provocative film offerings. Enter the Void is a recent example of the growth of this gentleman's craft. MPI/ IFC now have unleashed this hypnotic, beautiful and naturally disturbing, cluster of creativity on Blu-Ray and DVD.