Cinema Head Cheese: Podshort! - Death Note (Netflix, 2017)

Kevin Moyers reviews the American live action remake of an anime favorite about a kid with a notebook that kills.

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Movie Review: Debbie Does Dallas...Again (Vivid - 2007)

Reviewed by: Rick L. Blalock   - March 16, 2016

Starring :

Stefani Morgan
Monique Alexander
Penny Flame
Savanna Samson
Hillary Scott
Lacie Heart
Samantha Ryan
Lisa Daniels
Erika Jordan
Kina Kai
Kayla Paige
Sunny Leone
Cassidey
Courtney Simpson
Stacy Thorn
Derrick Pierce
Evan Stone
Christian XXX
Jay Huntington
Marty Romano

Synopsis
Stefani and Monique are rivals on the same team, competing for the same boy, and a win in the National Cheerleading World Championships in Bakersfield, California. After Stefani suffers a fatal accident in a botched but fabulous flip, she meets her guardian angel, Penny Flame, and promptly makes a deal to go back to earth to avenge her loss. She reappears in the body of Hillary Scott, and from the gates of Heaven, all hell breaks loose.

(Runtime - 2 hr. 02 mins.)
———————

In the re-imagining, DEBBIE DOES DALLAS...AGAIN, Life is going great for "Debbie"(Stefani Morgan).  She has a boyfriend named "Jason"(Derrick Pierce) and her beloved cheer squad, which she captains, has received an invitation to compete in the National Cheerleading World Championships, in Bakersfield California.  For her, things couldn't possibly go wrong, as she and her team have their eyes on the prize.  That is until...she dies.  It all happened one day during a routine practice, when the squad brainstorms about moves that could possibly put them on top at the Championships.  That is when Debbie suggests that she perform the legendary, but most difficult, cheer move - the "Triple Double Tumble" flip.  The squad has their reservations about performing the move, because very few have pulled it off - especially in competition.  But Debbie insists that it would be the move to win it all.  From there, Debbie is tossed in the air where she performs the necessary tumbles and flip, but while in mid-air, Jason, whom was to catch her, is distracted by Debbie's in-squad rival, "Allison"(Monique Alexander) who flashes her pussy in his direction.  As a result, Debbie comes crashing down onto the ground, and the results aren't good.  The fall is unfortunately fatal.  Following her untimely death, Debbie is sent to heaven, and into the arms of a guardian angel named "Gwendolyn"(Penny Flame), who would help her cope with death, and prepare her for the afterlife.  But after a brief period in Heaven, she tells Gwendolyn, that she just isn't ready to go.  This is when Gwendolyn and the angel, "Todd"(Evan Stone) work out a deal with her. They say that she will be able to return to Earth - but only for a limited time, and it must be on their terms.  After which, she is to return to them.  However, although they said that she could return to her previous life, they did not say how.  That is when Debbie's plans hit a snag.  That's because, instead of returning in her own body, Gwendolyn has picked one for her.  Unfortunately, whom she has picked for Debbie, just so happens to be an uncoordinated geek, named "Becca"(Hillary Scott), who would have absolutely no shot at making the Cheer squad.  After watching Becca try and fail at Cheerleading tryouts, and witnessing a few failed suicide attempts, Debbie finally sees Becca die when she slips on a bar of soap, and hits her head on the bathtub.  This is when the soul of Debbie, successfully transfers over into the body.  Debbie is now Becca, but no one knows it,  Not even the Cheer squad, which she soon wows.  They eventually let her on to the squad, much to the chagrin of new Cheer Captain, Allison.  Soon, the new "Debbie-ized" Becca becomes the darling of her squad, who soon vote out Allison as Captain, thus giving Becca the reigns.  Through Becca, Debbie is now back on top, as she leads the way for her team, as they arrive in Bakersfield California, where we would find that revenge is yet to come, as she lines Allison up for an identical fate(yes it again involves the dreaded Triple Double Tumble Flip.).  With her revenge finally served, Debbie, expecting to enter the pearly gates of Heaven for good, is quite surprised, when it is revealed that she's been tricked, and that Gwendolyn is actually the Devil in disguise.  That's right, Debbie goes to Hell, and she meets some familiar faces along the way as she participates in a fiery orgy - including "Miss Jones"(Savanna Samson) herself.

Movie Review: Throat: A Cautionary Tale (Vivid - 2009)

Reviewed by: Rick L. Blalock   - March 28, 2016

Starring :

Sasha Grey
Penny Flame
Kelly Wells
Emilianna
Aliana Love
Megan Monroe
Carmen McCarthy
Allie Foster
Beverly Hills
Brynn Tyler
Ricki Raxxx
Tom Byron
Herschel Savage
Evan Stone
Voodoo
Lee Stone
Trent Tesoro
Marco Banderas
Jerry
Big Pike
Rocco Reed
Jordan Lane
Jarod Diamond
Jack Logan

Synopsis
A beautiful young woman is found dead in a field amidst shards of broken glass. Who was she? Why did she die? Who killed her? We move back in time to her life as a young student, waiting tables, unable to make ends meet. She takes a job in a peep show where she learns, to her great amazement, that the seat of her sexuality is in her throat. Suddenly her sex life, always a pretense of pleasure, changes dramatically.  But where she sees pleasure, her boyfriend sees profit...and pushes ''The Girl With The Golden Throat'' up the ladder of success, from peep show to private clients to featuring in a major club called The Zone.  Tired of being used, she snaps...and attempts to bite off the cock of the biggest porn star in history...leading to her own tragic demise. And of course, during the autopsy, the coroner and his assistant find something in her throat they've never seen in any throat before: a clitoris...a tiny bit of flesh that made and unmade the life of a lovely young girl.

(Runtime - 2 hr. 03 mins.)

———————

The film THROAT: A CAUTIONARY TALE, tells the story of "Julie Garret", a young woman, whose body has just arrived at the city morgue.  A young woman dying is certainly not unheard of for the Coroners, however what they discover during her autopsy, certainly is.  While examining her mouth, they make a most unique discovery, one like no other - as it would appear that Julie possessed a clitoris at the back of her throat.  The discovery sets in motion the film, as it tells Julie's story in flashback, detailing the events which led to her death.  We follow as 2 Homicide Detectives, Joe Gillette(Tom Byron) and his partner, "Byrd Smith"(Penny Flame) attempt to put together the pieces of the puzzle that was Julie's life.  They learn that, initially, Julie worked as a waitress in order to pay her way through College.  However, when it became too difficult to make ends meet, she looked for an alternative way to make money.  She found that opportunity working at the local peepshow arcade.  It was a choice that her boyfriend "Eddie"(Trent Tesoro), at first despised for obvious reasons.  But despite this, Julie is successful, especially after a fellow performer, named "Lane"(Aliana Love), teaches her a new "trick" - the art of "deep throat".  It is during this act, that Julie makes a miraculous discovery. when she learns that her sexual pleasure spot is located at the very back of her throat, rather than the traditional location.  For years, it had been a wonder to her, as to why she would never feel much sensation vaginally when it came to climax - but now she knew. With a new trick under her belt, she wowed the visitors, with her ability to throat a dildo, down to its base.  Among those whom she impressed with the act, was boyfriend Eddie, who soon sees profit.  From there, Eddie proceeds to deal her out to seemingly any man who would pay up front.  It is here, that Julie would eventually meet "Dan Quinn"(Evan Stone), a business man, who happens to be part owner of a sex club called "The Zone".  Dan soon takes Julie under his proverbial wing, having her perform the same dildo show, except on a much grander scale.  She performs as "The Girl with the Magic Throat".  It is a pairing that soon makes the rather volatile Eddie jealous.  It's revealed that, with the controlling Eddie out of the picture, Julie and Dan had begun dating.  It would appear that all was going great for the two, as Julie's act, and special talent was as popular as ever.  Unfortunately, it also comes to be known, that it was that same popularity that soon led to Julie's downfall.  Never having been far away from exploitation since the discovery of her special "gift", Julie finds herself subjected to it once again, when Dan forces her to star in a live sex showcase, as she is paired with a popular male sex performer, "Dante Demarco"(Lee Stone).  Among the lights, the crowd, and unexpectedly, the cameras, it was just too much for Julie to bare, as the story goes on to show us just how Julie's life came to a tragic end.

Remake Everything

by Kevin Moyers

With the rumor that Dwayne Johnson will star in a Big Trouble in Little China remake swirling around, I've had the wonderful opportunity to read grown adults whining like spoiled children that this is wrong. This is an atrocity. This should be illegal. John Carpenter (the director of the original) shouldn't let this happen. Whoever thought of this should die. They're ruining the original. Blah, blah, blah, whine, cry, bitch, whine.

Stop it. Stop it now.

Don't get me wrong. I've been guilty of this same idiotic behavior in the past. I've dumped all over Tim Burton for re-imagining everything. Honestly, I only think I did it because I hated the word re-imagining. The point is, I was wrong, and it was a complete waste of time for me to complain about something that really didn't matter. I like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I'm sure I've seen it ten or more times since I was a kid. I've seen three minutes of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Why? Because I didn't want to watch it. I like the original, and the remake didn't appeal to me. Nobody forced me to watch it, so I didn't. Better yet, nobody took the version I enjoy away.

Do you get that part? The one you love IS STILL THERE.

Movie Review: The Vanishing (1993)

Directed by George Sluizer

Movie Review by Greg Goodsell

The 1988 Dutch original, Spoorloos: Rex (Gene Bervoets) and Saskia (Johanna ter Steege) are on vacation when they have a spat. Stopping at a roadside convenience store, Saskia mysteriously disappears. Rex searches and searches but Saskia has seemingly vanished off the face of the Earth. Years later, local academic Raymond (Bernard-Pierre Donnadieu) telephones Rex saying that he knows what happened to Saskia contacts him. After a mysterious car ride with the apprehensive Rex and the coolly evil Raymond, the academic says that her disappearance was an experiment in evil he undertook after his daughter proclaimed him a “hero” after saving a drowning child. Rex finds out what happened to Saskia – and the audience stumbles out of the theater as if kicked in the stomach. 

The 1993 American remake, same director: Jeff (Kiefer Sutherland) and Diane (a young Sandra Bullock) are on vacation when they have a spat. Stopping at a roadside convenience store, Diane mysteriously disappears. Jeff searches and searches but Diane has seemingly vanished off the face of the Earth. Years later, local academic Barney (Jeff Bridges) telephones Jess saying he knows what happened to Diane. After a mysterious car ride with the apprehensive Jeff and the coolly evil Barney, the academic says that her disappearance was an experiment in evil he undertook after his daughter proclaimed him a “hero” after saving a drowning child. Jeff finds out what happened to Diane – but in the meantime, his hard-as-nails waitress girlfriend Rita (Nancy Travis) has followed Jeff’s tracks, and turns the tables on the professor. The film ends with laughter and smiles.

Movie Review: Silent Night (2012, Anchor Bay)

The Silent Night, Deadly Night series has been a pretty formidable franchise since the first movie debuted in 1984. The series has never been quite near the Halloween or the Friday the 13th series in box office receipts as most sequels went straight to video - but the killer Santa flicks accumulated a fan base worldwide. Naturally a remake was going to happen. Sure there are some good remakes but many of us horror geeks (especially over 30) hold our noses at the thought our movie’s legacies being tarnished. Director Steven C. Miller ( The Aggression Scale) and writer Jayson Rothwell take the challenge with their re-imagining Silent Night.

It's Christmas Eve and bodies seem to be piling up all over for a small town in Wisconsin. This maniac has certain targets in mind - fornicators, snotty kids, pornographers and lecherous priests are at the top of his list. Finding out just who is behind these brutal killings is up to a young officer named Audrey Bradimore (Jaime King, My Bloody Valentine and Mother's Day remakes). With the help of Sheriff Cooper (played by the incomparable, Malcolm McDowell) the duo scope out the town so the killer Santa Claus doesn't slaughter anymore victims.

Cinema Head Cheese: Podshort! - Oldboy vs. Oldboy

After watching the original Korean film and the American remake, Kevin compares and contrasts both versions of the revenge thriller Oldboy.

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Movie Review: Seven Warriors (1989; Maverick Films/Well Go USA)

...Cliff Notes   remember those?? Those revelational baskins of saving grace, we oh-so often utilized in high school literature class, when writing book reports, and making crossed-fingers-behind-the-back 'I swear' claimant, in actually having read the book...even though the 'been there-done that' English teacher...shaking her finger adamantly at the class...clearly stated, "...now, I'll know whether or not you've read the book, or merely read the 'Cliff Notes', as the latter only touches the bare-bones basic 'beat' of the story, without going into detailed specifics, as far as character and setting..."?? "And besides...", of course, she had to add, just to lay the guilt trip, "...isn't reading the actual book so much more rewarding, anyways?? Yeah, yeah...we thought that we knew better, didn't we...that is, until we saw the dreaded C+, etched in red ink, at the top of the report, which we 'labored' oh-so hard on (...it's not fair, dammit...head down, hands in pocket, kicking the dirt in defiance). But then, that's exactly how the 1920's war-torn China-set, 1996 take on the classic 'Seven Samurai' story, called "Seven Warriors", seems to come across...hitting the standard 'beats' of the story, like some sort of checklist...without really making the re-envision, special unto itself...

Cinema Head Cheese: The Podcast! #124 - Kevin's Christmas List

Kevin talks about the latest Godzilla trailer and admits to liking the previous remake. He then goes into a list of Christmas movies that he loves, hates, feels indifferent about and thinks you should watch.

Dave also pops in with a quick review from the set of Dead Quiet.

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Movie Review: Pusher (2012, Blu-ray)

Review By: Rob Sibley

Spanish filmmaker Luis Prieto had a tall order to fill with Pusher. Which is a British remake of the 1996 Danish Nicolas Winding Refn film of the same name. I was highly skeptical about this picture, considering the the original Pusher is a highly regarded film and personally one of my favorite Refn films. Starting out with the biggest differences between the two is the original Pusher took place in the deep dark belly of the Danish underworld. While the remake is much more glitzy and glamorous, taking place in many high end techno blasting night clubs. It ditches the grit for a more stylized approach which actually works for the film. The music is another huge part of the films success, composed by British dance band “Orbital”. The techno tracks add a nice kinetic feeling to the film and Prieto keeps the film moving at a nice frantic pace.

Pusher tells the story of Frank (Richard Coyle) he's a small time coke dealer living in London. He's living the good life with his stripper girlfriend Flo (Agyness Deyn) and his sexually hopeless buddy Tony (Bronson Webb). One day out of the clear blue Frank is contacted by an old cellmate Marlon (Neil Maskell, Kill List). Marlon is looking for a good amount of coke, around forty five thousand worth. Frank meets up with a contact of his, Milo (Zlatko Burić) a ruthless Serbian gangster. The deal is simple, Milo will loan the 48K worth of gear to Frank. Frank will make the deal with Milo and bring the money back. Paying Milo back and taking care of his debt of 3 grand that he already owes Milo.

Movie Review: Dangerous Liaisons (2012, Well Go USA)

...the...ooooof!!...oh-so deliciously diabolical, serpen-twining storyline that deftly makes up the sly and sensual 18th century Pierre Chodolos de Laclos novel, 'Les Liaisons dangereuses' is an intriguing odd-bird, as far as classic novels go, in that the ensuing events depicted therein, ideally coupled with the associated and sinister character cross-play within the story are just as intricately compelling and appreciative...perhaps even a bit more so...than the final outcome of the story, itself...the journey, more alluring satisfying than the destination, or the prize...you know, the old adage of 'getting there is half the fun'...very much comparably akin to that of not only appreciatively beholding  strikingly beautiful tapestry, as a whole, but also having an equally, if not higher regard for each and every stitch, in the tapestry's material. Reaching as far back as director Roger Vadim's 1959 rendition of the compellingly timeless tale (...the first, to take liberty in uniquely retooling the original story's proceedings and morality, to a different time and place...in that case, adeptly melding it into the social niche of a jazzy-accented, contemporary 1950's France), this literary observation is never more comparatively poignant, in noting the varied and eclectic cinematic renditions of the classic literary work, over the years...that is, with the added inclusive and engaging intrigue, associated with the performances, themselves...making the proceedings all the more engaging...the perfectly coupled performers, bringing with them, an equally adept and engaging character chemistry. To varying degree, this has effectively, assuredly & readily worked quite appropriately in previous, well-received and critically acclaimed filmed versions...and respectably joining that honored and revered fold, the exotically sensuous and devilishly sinister 2012 Chinese production, "Wi-heom-han gyan-gye"...otherwise known as "Dangerous Liaisons"...

Movie Review: Maniac (2013)

Review by John Beutler

Ya' know?? For a while there, I was worried...worried that this new incarnation of the uncompromisingly violent, brutal, perverse and grimy 1980 splatter horror classic, "Maniac", would suffer in much the same way as other attempts at making...or rather, remaking some of the more prominent and controversial '80's horror flicks (...like "Friday the 13th" and "Last House on the Left", for instance), in that the film would be newly rendered in what this viewer has previously & often termed as having a 'rustic slickness', which often tends to temper the overall tone of raw and visceral horror, notable in classics past. Well, I'm quite elated to say that this is not wholly the case, as the 2013 film, "Maniac" definitely exhues a most familiar, albeit slightly toned down and polished sense of dark, inner-city, back-alley filth and seediness...one of the aspects, which made the original film very uncomfortably irresistible to watch...though indeed, this new 'Maniac' definitely reflects a sense of higher production value, as compared to it's inspiration. That been said, the film...despite how respectably accomplished it looks, and how effectively the film unnerves and unsettles...DOES somewhat fail in ways that seem inevitable and unavoidable...in ways, which made the original film so alluringly embraceable...

Movie Review: The Sweeney (2012, DVD)

Review By: Rob Sibley

“The Sweeney” is Nick Love's re-imagining of the classic 1975 British TV series. Love had a tough task on his hands, the original Sweeney TV show was immensely popular back in the day and has built up a huge cult following. Fans of the series scoffed when they first heard that Nick Love was developing it for a film adaptation. Were they justified? Did Nick Love do the show justice and still be able to put his own spin on it? The answer to those questions is a mixed bag.

Now I got to say before I discuss the film I was a huge fan of the original TV series. My Dad is a big fan of British television and he was the one who first exposed me to classic shows like The Avengers, Fawlty Towers, vintage Doctor Who, The Prisoner and The Sweeney. The original Sweeney TV series was probably the most gritty cop show around till “The Shield” showed up. Each episode had that gritty urban decay vibe that the original “Get Carter” had. The film wasn't afraid to show violence, language and have coppers doing things that aren’t necessarily legal but things that needed to be done. The show also relied heavily on the chemistry of it's leads who brought a blue collar worker quality to their roles which made them easy to relate to.

Movie Review: Evil Dead (2013)

by John Beutler

Given the seasoned respectability, unnerving style and uncomfortable eeriness of the original 1982 horror classic, "The Evil Dead", I must say that I was probably one of a countless mob, who cried 'foul', when it was even suggested, years ago, that a remake of the film was being batted about. A seemingly unheard-of possibility, nearly and untouchably equating to that of remaking Hitchcock's "Psycho" (...and we all know how THAT turned out, don't we??). Eventually, after countless false starts, tantalizing rumors and a meager smattering of successful remakes of '80's horror films...alas, it was assumed that SOMEONE would finally take up the task.

If you still think Halloween is the scariest night of the year… RING IN THE HOLIDAYS THE ANCHOR BAY WAY WITH SILENT NIGHT

In select theaters November 30th;  Blu-ray™/DVD combo and DVD on sale December 4th

BEVERLY HILLS, CA – You better watch out! Santa Claus is coming to town, and he knows who’s been bad. On November 30th, Anchor Bay Films presents Silent Night on screen in ten major U.S. metropolitan areas. Blu-ray™/DVD combo and DVD will be available to unwrap nationwide on December 4th.

A loose remake of the horror classic Silent Night, Deadly Night, the film’s stellar cast includes Malcolm McDowell (Rob Zombie’s Halloween, Easy A), Jaime King (Sin City, My Bloody Valentine 3D), Donal Logue (Shark Night 3D, Blade), Lisa Marie (Sleepy Hollow), Brendan Fehr (Final Destination, X-Men First Class), and Ellen Wong (Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World).

Movie Review: Piranha DD (2012, Dimension Films)

Directed by John Gulager

Starring Danielle Panabaker, David Hasselhoff and Matt Bush

Run Time: 82 min.

With the success of the 2010 Piranha re-make, you knew it had to happen, and it did. Piranha DD is upon us. This time the feisty and ferocious little critters are reproducing in a Small Arizona lake which sits directly behind a newly redesigned, state-of-the-art adult water park. With the help of a crooked cop (who appears to be about 16 years old), the shady park owner Chet (played by the awesome David Koechner), decides to save a few bucks by pumping the lakes water supply directly into the park. Which of coarse is a very bad idea, as the hungry fishies quickly make their way into the tranquil kiddie-pools, river rides and water slides.....with very gory results. Helping to bolster the story and add comic relief are cameos by Christopher Lloyd, Clu Gulager, Ving Rhames and Gary Busey.

Movie Review: The Museum of Wonders (2010)

Directed by Domiziano Cristophare

Starring Francesco Venditti, Fabiano Lioi and Valentina Mio

When the beautiful dancer Salome learns that the dwarf circus owner Marcel has just received an inheritance, she marries the lovesick, diminutive performer. Much to the chagrin of his former fiance and the rest of the shows unusual cast of performers. It appears everyone but Marcel see’s Salome as the gold-digging tramp that she is. Her plan is to steal his fortune and run off with her lover, the worlds scrawniest strongman, Sansone.

Cinema Head Cheese: The Podcast! #20 - Halloween Horror Extravaganza

Kevin and Jeff welcome James DePaolo from WickedChannel.com back to the show  for a Halloween themed episode.

Kevin and James talk about Kevin Smith's Red State, and they agree that this could be one of Smith's best films. James also reviews the indie horror film Predatory Instinct.


In a tribute to Halloween, the trio decides to break down their favorite horror movies by genre: zombie, vampire, werewolf, slasher, monster, sequel, franchise, remake, scariest, classic and all-time favorites.

They discuss Jaws, The Exorcist, Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, Zombie, The Crazies, Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, 28 Days Later, Zombieland, The Horde, Ginger Snaps, Dog Soldiers, Alien, Blade, From Dusk Till Dawn, The Howling, American Werewolf in London, Near Dark, The Mist, Gojira, Critters, Gremlins, The Evil Dead, Army of Darkness, The Thing, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Lost Boys, Audition, Inside, Bride of Frankenstein, The Devil's Rejects, Final Destination, Dead Alive, Nosferatu, Piranha, Night Stalker and more!

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Movie Review: The A-Team (2010)

When I heard this movie was going to be made, I got a little bit of a nerd boner. I won't lie about it. I chubbed. When I was a kid, my little brother and I watched the hour long explosion festival every week. Hannibal, Face, B.A. and Murdock were heroes. The show was full of action and humor, and I can't imagine that there was one second of it that we didn't enjoy.

Buy The A-Team Blu-ray or DVD and get The Complete TV Series on DVD

When the reviews started rolling in on the movie adaptation, I heard plenty of negativity. People said it was ridiculous and over the top. Of course it was. Did they forget the TV show? A little over a month ago, Netflix started streaming the entire series. I watched the first few episodes, and it brought me back. I enjoyed the nostalgia. I'm glad I did watch, because it really prepared me for the movie. As much as I loved the show as a kid, I loved the movie as an adult. It was a great way to bring these amazing characters back to life.

Movie Review: The Karate Kid (2010)

Remaking a classic would seem to be an impossible task. None of the recent horror movie remakes worked. Planet of the Apes was okay, but the message of the original was lost. You might not call the original Karate Kid a classic, but for anyone in my generation, it's an important part of our youth. It's a movie that gives the underdog hope, and it has a great message about never giving up. When I heard about the remake and Will Smith making this a vehicle for his son, I was expecting garbage. I got just the opposite.

Buy The Karate Kid DVD/Blu-ray/Digital Combo

The story focuses on twelve-year-old Dre Parker (Jaden Smith) and his mother as they move from Detroit to Beijing for mom's job. We learn early that Dre's father died a short while before the move, though it's never discussed. As you would expect, Dre has a hard time adjusting to his new surroundings, especially since he doesn't speak Chinese. I feel like you know the rest of the story, but I'll continue anyway.