Movie Review: Circle the Wagen (2014)

Directed by Ryan Steven Green

Movie Review by Greg Goodsell

Dave Torstenson is a cheerful, optimistic and admitted “ne’er do well” who suddenly plots a nifty social experiment. Buying a broken down, rusted 1972 Volkswagen bus off the Internet auction site eBay for less than $800, he pledges to take the vehicle – dubbed “The Croc” on Route 66 road trip all the way to California. In the meantime, he will meet up with a merry band of Volkswagen enthusiasts who will help him make his voyage. Enlisting the help of his longtime slacker friend Charlie Pecoraro, Torstenson will have his exploits filmed as part of a documentary intended to show the resilience of the human spirit.

As expected, “the Croc” breaks down repeatedly on the road, Charlie and Dave have to rely on the kindness of strangers, both try to remain smiling in the face of adversity, the damn VW bus breaks down again and again and again – finally, they find a kind soul in Tucumcari, New Mexico to stow the bus for a while – and Dave leaves his friends, support group and fellow VW fans in the lurch as he undertakes a worldwide globe-trotting trip – over the NEXT FOUR YEARS! All sympathy for our protagonist flying out the window, Torstenson DOES return to New Mexico do get the VW bus up and running again – but by this point, few will care.

Cinema Head Cheese: Podshort! - Derek: Season 2

Kevin reviews the second season of Ricky Gervais' Netflix original series.

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Movie Review: Teenage Catgirls in Heat (1994)

I bought this film years ago when a nearby Blockbuster Video closed (#sorrynotsorryyoucocksuckers) because I thought Joe Bob Briggs did commentary on it. Turns out his little blurb on the cover was as involved as he got in this copy. *sad trombone* But since I’ve adored JBB since his Movie Channel days, I decided to watch it anyway. Let’s just say I was seriously unimpressed.

BUY IT HERE!

Teenage Catgirls in Heat is a comedy (Christ, I hope so) brought to us by the Troma Film folks. It opens with an old lady talking to a cat statue moments before she commits suicide. The statue then calls out to all the cats in the area to heed her commands and sacrifice themselves in order for them to become human so they can mate with human men, kill said men, and then give birth to the Great Litter.

Cut over to Ralph, hitching a ride in the back of a pick up truck, and reveling in his new found singlehood. At the height of his happiness a cat darts out in front of the truck. As it swerves, he’s shaken loose and left on the side of the road in the now sudden nighttime (read: shitty blue light filter). Lucky for him the ‘cat’ is now a beautiful naked girl.

Before he gets a chance to talk to her, the neighborhood cat finder, Warren, tears down the road and chases Ralph up a tree. You see, Warren has this homemade radar thing that picks up on cat signals. He assumed the large signal he recently picked up was from a bunch of severed cat heads in Ralph’s back pack. 

Movie Review: Fever Pitch (1997; Channel 4 Film/Twilight Time)

...and now, a word on obsession. Not the type of obsession, where the crazy insane woman business executive is one-night-stand spurned by the horny, reckless and married guy business exec, and it all culminates with a well-boiled bunny in the pressure cooker, and a deftly fired bullet in the forehead...No siree, Bob!! Nor is it a gaggle of sale savvy she-la mall shoppers, who violently storm and mob the nearest department store, like nutzoid concert goers at a Cincinnati 'Who' concert...after hearing the sudden announcement on the PA system, "...boxes of exotic gourmet chocolates...one, for $2.50, or three, for $4.99!!" Can you say, 'Stampede!!', yippee kai-yay, stiletto stompers?? Nope to all of that; rather, we're talking about the phenomenon of sports obsession. The elating, rip-roaring, high-decibel cheers, when a team is doing good, or even wins. The dejection and deep depression that occurs, when the team is not doing so good, or outright loses. The fantasy sports aspect...yes, 'fantasy' to most, but to some, just as real as watching the actual players, themselves. And, oh yes...even going so far as to ardently follow a favorite team across the country, like a crazed groupie, forgoing all else...including...well, this brings us to "Fever Pitch". 'Fever Pitch', huh?? Oh, really?? Title sound familiar?? Let's set the wayback machine to...oh say, circa 1997, and a little romantic comedy/drama ditty, which may well draw forth an equal measure of familiarity, as well as a rousing measure of celebrative fervor, obsession, humor, relationships. and well inspiration of life, itself...even if what is depicted here, seems...well, let's face it, a bit one-sided...

Movie Review: Gila! (2012)

Directed by Jim Wynorski

Movie review by Greg Goodsell

In rural Indiana during the 1950s, the local teens make out, have impromptu drag races and go to sock hops. Their fun is interrupted by a gigantic Gila monster stalking through the barren farm lands. The monster is the result of power plant waste; in this film’s only really bit of gore, the grumpy lizard knocks chemical waste on to two factory workers’ faces, their features melting away before he swats and crushes them with his tail. In the meantime, hot rodder Chase Winstead (Brian Gross) and his girl Lisa (Madeline Voges) gets some friendly antagonism going with Chase's former nemesis, Waco Bob (Jesse Janzen) and his sidekick Carla (Christina De Rosa). No one is really concerned with the rampaging CGI monster which appears sporadically for only a few seconds throughout the movie. The plucky teenagers eventually kill the lizard with a hot rod full of nitro glycerin, and everyone kisses and makes up at the annual Christmas party. The end – or is it? Who cares …?

The Giant Gila Monster (1959) of which this is a remake, is a negligible bit of teenage ennui that somehow managed to escape being redone by AIP TV hack Larry Buchanan in the Sixties. Jim Wynorski steps up to the plate with a serviceable retooling. The excellent cinematography from Ross Headley lavishes considerable attention on all the vintage hot rods used for the film. The stark Indiana countryside, in particular is rendered strangely beautiful. Not so attentive to period detail are the hairstyles – all the guys’ locks fall long past their ears, which would have condemned anyone other than Elvis Presley to “squirrel status.” The girls don’t fare much better – there’s an abundance of long, stringy “hippie hair” and no Bettie Page bangs or Marilyn Monroe bleached-blonde upsweeps. The costumes are kind of, sort of Fifties, but not really. The only real actor this reviewer recognized was Kelli Maroney, one of the heroic teenagers left to inherit the earth in the 1985 cult classic Night of the Comet. Maroney plays a plucky female sheriff’s deputy who says “You’re a big fella, aren’t ya?” before providing the monster’s aperitif.

Movie Review: Final Exam (Blu-ray, 1981)

The old school slasher film continues to make its home in the ever expanding library of Scream Factory and Shout! Factory. Recently Scream Factory joined together in conjunction with the cult DVD company Code Red DVD for the Blu-ray release of one of the earliest Halloween knock-offs in Jimmy Huston’s Final Exam (1981).

This chaos-on-campus opus surrounds the trials and tribulations of some nerds, jocks, preppies and assorted fraternity characters around the end of the school year when many will do anything it takes to get past that big exam. Be it “pranks” like a Colombine-sque staging of the mass murder of students by machine gun courtesy of masked indviduals riding in a van - These kids will do what it takes to get around this test. To compromise the situation even more a psycho is going around campus and stabbing students with a very large butcher knife. The more obnoxious and naked they are, the bigger the chance they’ll meet their end in nasty fashion.

My Stepdad's a Freakin' Vampire (2009) Movie Review

I’ve been told that Kevin has already reviewed this film. Though I didn’t see if on the archive list, I’ll still assume it’s true. From what was described to me, this movie left quite the sad and sour taste in Kev’s mouth. I, however, enjoyed it more than I anticipated. I mean, come on. The title alone screams steaming pile of shit but I was pleasantly, if only slightly, surprised.

My Stepdad’s a Freakin’ Vampire is about a young lad, Rusty Funkhouse (yeah...), and the typical set up of a shitty relationship between him and his step-dad, Richard, aka Dick. Rusty’s BFF, Travis, also has a dick for a dad so it all works out. Brad, the Frosh, simply wants to be a part of Rusty’s inner circle. I’m not sure why because Rusty is kind of a jack ass.

But it turns out Richard really is a dick. Well, a vampire dick anyway. He kills and turns the local mailman, Chuck, and uses him as ‘muscle’ while Richard searches for an ancient artifact. Naturally, no one believes Rusty’s story about his monster step-dad (despite the blood smears on the attic door - how did the cops miss that?) so it’s up to him, Travis, Brad, and the grizzled janitor, Gert, to find out what the hell Richard is up to and why.

Long story short (too late), we discover Richard is the dethroned king of the vampires and a prop that Rusty’s dad used in his old magic show is the key (literally) to the success of his takeover of the world. He releases a bunch of ancient vampires, Chuck raises some zombie vampires (wha...?), and Rusty’s mom is in big trouble because Richard needs to take a human bride.

I don’t know what the hell is going on, either.

Movie Review: Honey Buns (1973)

The Impulse Pictures line of DVDs run by the Blu-ray and DVD specialists Synapse Films has consistently shown a dedication to bringing some of the naughtiest filth to DVD that the world has to offer. Whether it’s the crazy Japanese perversion of the popular Nikkatsu series or the goofy Euro-trashiness contained in the School Girl Report releases, Impulse shows a variety any pervert can appreciate. Thankfully, the Golden Age of porn is now becoming more of a focus with the recent release of Honey Buns, starring hardcore and soft-core starlets, Ushi Digard (Super Vixens, Fantasm) and Rene Bond (Please Don’t Eat My Mother, Rene Bond's Sex Fantasies).

Honey Buns is a "story" about a lonely, horny and pathetic schlep who slaves away at his shit desk job for his obnoxious boss who really doesn’t do much work himself. When his boss isn’t yelling at him he throws the always charming lecherous gaze at the females at the office (played by Bond and Digard) and occasionally breaks open a porno magazine right at his desk.

Cinema Head Cheese: The Podcast! #139 - Back Gunt

Jeff and Kevin it with former Abnormal cohort Brian Smith for a live show at Phoenix Comicon. They talk about the start of the new Propaganda Podcasting Network, the movies the three of them have worked on, Brian and Kevin's project Specter Quest and more in a podcast that goes into some interesting territory.

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Movie Review: "Sheriff of Contention" (2010; Rock Wayne Org./High Frontier Vent./Lionsgate)

...from studio to studio...from distribution company to distribution company...they say that for every great film script, pull out from the endless sea of extensive literary meanderings & cinematic hopefuls, and given it's due, there are at least two dozen or so others...some good, most bad...left to languish, lost and unnoticed. Occasionally, the cinematic powers-that-be, do take a gamble on a forlorn concept...one of those thought lost and discarded scripts, which most have turned their discriminant nose up at...save for that rare and singular moment of unconvention, who keenly eyes a laid-aside script of potential...something which elicits a thought-provoking 'hmmm, that's interesting'. A story interesting enough to warrant engaging, even in the midst of what might be considered muddled thespian in performance, and untried in direction & editing. Such might well have been the case, with the respectably thrilling and intriguing 2010 old-westerner, "Sheriff of Contention", which sat collecting dust on a shelf...that is, until Liongate, of all surprising distributors, recently saw fit to shed an indiscriminate and opportunist spotlight on the little film...to the delight of us devotees of the type of period Wild West melodramas, which in this case, unconventionally assume contemporary conventions, albeit on a forgiveably less-than perfect level of presentation...

...Sheriff Peavy is in the throes of almost overwhelming pressure; the people, whom he serves in the dusty frontier town of Contention City, have expressed a growing loss of faith in his abilities, saying that he is 'used up and burnt out'. The sheriff's gun-happy right hand man, Deputy Conley, has made no secret of his ambitions, in possibly replacing the sheriff, in view of his seemingly diminished stature...and even the town's mayor himself has expressed and encouraged such a prospective changing of hands. And in the midst of such personal turmoil, the sheriff...as well as the townspeople...are horrified and perplexed at a ever-increasing series of heinous and ruthless killings, which have targeted the town's womenfolk...

Movie Review:The Bamboo Saucer (1968, Olive Films)

Directed by Frank Telford

Movie Review by Greg Goodsell

Air Force pilot Hank Peters (Dan Duryea, in his final film role) is buzzed by a very poorly processed flying saucer during a mission. He’s informed that the saucer in question is being kept in a decommissioned church in a remote mountainous section of Red China. Assembling a crack team of scientists and researchers – mostly American, although they do bring along British metallurgist Dave Ephram (Bernard Fox) for some chip! Chip! Cheerio! To offset the yanks. Peters and his colleagues parachute into China, where they are led by the “nice, non-communist” Sam Archibald (James Hong) to the hidden UFO. They’re not there for 15 minutes when they run across a shoot-first-and-ask-questions later Russian team led by Dobovsky (Rico Cattani) on a similar mission to track down the saucer. Seeing as they are in hostile territory, the Russians and Americans force an uneasy truce.

Hiding out in the abandoned church, they discover that the alien spacecraft opens up whenever a crew member operates his electric shaver due to the low-level vibrations. The interior of the saucer is highly earthbound and simplistic, two steps above the one found in Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959). Said spaceship, seen inside the building in long shots, is an especially atrocious process shot – it looks like a blue-tinted child’s cutout! There are the usual capitalism-versus-communism arguments and Peters falls in love with pretty Russian scientist Anna (Lois Nettleton). When Anna prays over the body of a fallen comrade, Peters quips, “You’re not a very good Marxist, are you?” You get the idea. There are various complications, all of them stale and dated even by 1968 standards, and in an especially telling bit of agit-prop, Dobovsky convinces everyone to turn in their weapons but then pulls out a hidden, trusty revolver when things get heated. So much for disarmament, eh, comrades? The compound comes under fire by the Red Chinese and both the Americans and Russians join forces, briefly (a Cold War fantasy that some people actually hoped for way back then). Eventually Peters, Anna and Jack Garson (played by the late Bob Hastings from TV’s “McHale’s Navy”) jump aboard the spacecraft, it roars off into space – and the day is saved by pushing a couple of buttons. It all ends with a quote from U.S. President John F. Kennedy.

Movie Review: To Stigma (1982)

A nurse talks about kids that are born monsters. Eleni [Olia Lazariodu] and Petros [Antonis Kafetzopoulos] just gave birth to one. Later we learn that it is a mongoloid. The lead couple will get advice from a variety of people, most importantly a lawyer who tells them that the clinic can’t legally kill the unwanted baby. So, they decided to do it themselves after the suggestion of a nurse and the phony death certificate a doctor agreed to give to them.

This is a nightmarish drama, kinda like a Rosemary’s Baby (1968) but without Satan involved. It is a disappointment though that we never see the baby, not even in the end. Also, the whole thing takes place mostly in the hospital and the couple’s apartment and some very few other interior locations. What’s great about it though is that the majority of shots are actors’ point of view, something that makes the viewing experience somewhat unique.

Writer/Director Pavlos Tasios is well known and respected in Greece, but I can’t rank this among his best films. Those would be Parangelia! (1980), Knock Out (1986) and To Vary... Peponi (1977). Those three were released together in a huge VHS box-set more than a decade ago. Since I’m not much of a fan of Greek films I gave away my copy to a fellow collector.

Movie Review: Death Spa (Blu-ray,1987)

Anyone hitting the video stores regularly in the 80’s and early 90’s should be familiar with the horror movie sub-label of MPI video called Gorgon Video. The days of VHS are long-gone for the most part and so it seemed for Gorgon…until now! Whenever the Gorgon banner adorned the giant clamshell of titles like the Faces of Death series and Mario Bava’s splattery giallo, you knew what you were in for – something very bloody and often shocking. The label’s comeback starts this summer with the release of Michael Fischa’s Death Spa (aka Witch Bitch)  on DVD and Blu-ray. As a longtime horror fan and someone who watched the grisly trailer over and over when it popped up on the VHS release of Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer until I finally saw it on a shitty quality DVD from the UK, I couldn’t be happier.

When Catherine (Shari Shattuck) decides to kill herself after the sudden loss of her child her soul doesn’t quite rest – it becomes a jealous vengeful spirit. She doesn’t haunt a house, or a church or some hotel, she haunts a high-tech workout facility run by computers that’s owned by her handsome husband Michael (William Bumiller). Michael is a ladies’ man and Catherine’s none too keen on him having anyone but her. If it means blowing up heads or tearing gym patrons apart via the workout machines, she'll make it happen!

Movie Review: Special ID (2013, Well Go USA)

...the cinematic 'lone wolf' detective. We, as ardent movie-watchers, have seen a countless number of them. Highly skilled, but doesn't play well with others. And in fact, plays by his own rules. A loose cannon, who doesn't believe in the bureaucracy of the set standards. Often chastised by his superiors, in that his way of doing things, racks up too many dead bodies, and causes more damage, financially, than if things were done the 'right way'. A rogue, whom the associated police force would rather do without, if not for the fact that he does get the job done...perhaps too well. And so on, and so forth, and a partridge in a pear tree, right?? But we absolutely love them, don't we?? The death-defying anti-hero that succeeds, where the status quo, by-the-book 'normal' have fallen short...and that success is usually preceded by fiery explosions, rampantly wild & reckless vehicular pursuit, an endless shower of bullets, a sense of within-the-law lawlessness, and of course, an accumulative body count of bad guys. And yet, once the smoke has cleared, we, as devotees of the genre, really want to to know more about such alluring, no-nonsense rogues, whom we might vicariously relate to...what makes these dudes tick?? With regards to director Clarence Fok Yiu-leung's (...1992's "Naked Killer" and 1996's "Thunder Cop", amongst others) dynamic actioner, "Special ID", it is the former aspect, where the film works best...and it's the latter inquisitive observation, where the film seems to fail...

Movie Review: Seven Warriors (1989; Maverick Films/Well Go USA)

...Cliff Notes   remember those?? Those revelational baskins of saving grace, we oh-so often utilized in high school literature class, when writing book reports, and making crossed-fingers-behind-the-back 'I swear' claimant, in actually having read the book...even though the 'been there-done that' English teacher...shaking her finger adamantly at the class...clearly stated, "...now, I'll know whether or not you've read the book, or merely read the 'Cliff Notes', as the latter only touches the bare-bones basic 'beat' of the story, without going into detailed specifics, as far as character and setting..."?? "And besides...", of course, she had to add, just to lay the guilt trip, "...isn't reading the actual book so much more rewarding, anyways?? Yeah, yeah...we thought that we knew better, didn't we...that is, until we saw the dreaded C+, etched in red ink, at the top of the report, which we 'labored' oh-so hard on (...it's not fair, dammit...head down, hands in pocket, kicking the dirt in defiance). But then, that's exactly how the 1920's war-torn China-set, 1996 take on the classic 'Seven Samurai' story, called "Seven Warriors", seems to come across...hitting the standard 'beats' of the story, like some sort of checklist...without really making the re-envision, special unto itself...

Movie Review: Rollerball (1975, Blu-ray)

I remember Rollerball from my schooldays. It came onto TV and all the kids in my class (4A, I believe: it's amazing what details certain things dredge up) were talking about it. It was like forbidden fruit. I didn't get to see it then, but saw it later and enjoyed. By then I'd read William Harrison's short story that it was based on. Now, it's many years on and times have changed. I wonder if kids today talk about the 2002 remake like it was forbidden fruit. Somehow I doubt it. I saw the remake a few years ago and while it wasn't a patch on the original it wasn't as bad as people claimed. It didn't scream forbidden fruit though.

Now I also have a little more pertinent background too, and that's well beyond just having a clue who Norman Jewison is. I haven't been to a roller derby match (game?) yet but I have met some of the girls and, let me tell you, they're not the little sissies that I had some vague uneducated idea that they were. Those are some tough ladies for sure and I could easily believe them playing rollerball at professional level.

Donald Farmer's Legendary Invasion of the Scream Queens Available on DVD for the First Time This June

New York, NY -- Wild Eye Releasing is honored to announce that the classic documentary Invasion of the Scream Queens will soon be available on DVD.

Originally shot in the early 1990s, during the heyday of direct to video and cable TV B-movie horror, the film has been rescued from obscurity and will be released on a Special Edition 20th Anniversary DVD by Wild Eye on June 17th.

Pre-Order Invasion of the Scream Queens

Get an inside look at what it takes to be a scream queen and hear the behind-the-scenes stories about the making of some of the most classic horror films of our time, including The Hills Have Eyes, I Spit on Your Grave, Slumber Party Massacre, and many more.   Invasion of the Scream Queens takes you back to a time when the term "Scream Queen" was brand new and promised the hottest actresses in the most outrageous low budget horror movies.

Cinema Head Cheese: Podshort! - X-Men: Days of Future Past

Kevin digs into the most recent installment of the X-Men series in the first Podshort from Cinema Head Cheese.

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Movie Review: Dan Curtis' Dracula (Blu-ray)

There have been some amazing monsters created for books and film over the past few centuries but possibly the most iconic is Bram Stoker’s Dracula.  We’ve seen plenty of exceptional representations of the suave bloodsucker on film with Bela Lugosi, Christopher Lee, Gary Oldman and even Frank Langella’s turn as Dracula. Horror TV producer extraordinaire Dan Curtis ( Dark Shadows, The Night Stalker, Trilogy of Terror) put his imprint on the vampire genre with the TV film, Bram Stokers’ Dracula starring the great Jack Palance (City Slickers, Alone in the Dark  ). MPI video has remastered this incarnation for Blu-ray and added some fine extras that may please genre fans.

Palance takes the lead as Dracula with veteran actor Nigel Davenport (Island of Dr. Moreau, The Portrait of Dorian Gray) playing the always doggedly determined vampire hunter Van Helsing. Dracula’s biggest weakness here, in addition to his stronge aversion to sunlight and crosses is the fact that he longs for being together with his lost love Lucy (Fiona Lewis, The Fearless Vampire Killers).

This incarnation of the Dracula story really is really propelled to the next level by the by pen of horror writer extraordinaire Richard Matheson (The Twilight Zone, Trilogy of Terror) who infuses a romantic element and structures an almost fragile persona of Count Dracula. Drac has feelings...but this is what makes him all the more dangerous. Palance is as imposing as Christopher Lee with his stature and projects perfect menace as he throws grown men like their nothing. Palance’s chiseled facial features also add a look that really makes you not wanna be caught in a dark corridor with the fella.

Blown - The Killer Blow-Up Doll Movie

We've been threatening to post this for a long time, and it's finally here. Watch our killer blow-up doll movie in it's entirety right here.

Bobby and Karen are in love. When Bobby proposed, it should have been the happiest day of their lives, but their neighbor, voodoo priestess Esmerelda, has other plans. With the help of a mystical severed head, Esmerelda plots her revenge through the eyes of a blow-up doll.