Movie Reviews: Galaxina / The Crater Lake Monster (1980/1977, Blu-ray, Mill Creek)

Mill Creek releases two science fiction themed cheesers from the Crown International vault onto Blu-ray!

Buy Galaxina / Crater Lake Monster - Double Feature [Blu-ray]

Films

Galaxina

Police spaceship Infinity has been assigned by the Intergalactic Federation to uphold the law in the vast of outer space. The crew consists of the moronic Captain Cornelius Butt (get it! haha...ugh), pilot Sgt. Thor (Stephen Macht, Dad from Monster Squad), throwaway rag tag members and the titular android Galaxina (Playboy Playmate Dorothy Stratten). During a hyper sleep mission to a planet in possession of the Blue Star, Galaxina begins to fall for Thor after he professes his love for her. They arrive on the non-human friendly, western inspired planet where Galaxina is taken by a motorcycle worshiping cult (I can't make this up) leaving Thor and the crew on a rescue mission to bring her back. More than likely so Thor can have robot sex, cause that's cool.

Since this is supposed to be a parody of science fiction films, we get a Star Wars opening text crawl, various Star Trek jabs and a brothel filled with whore aliens meant to rival Mos Eisley's cantina. Galaxina is filled with rubber monsters, 99 cent costumes, shoestring effects and countless other hilarious mind rotting scenes. Plus you get to see the late babealicious Dorothy Stratten run around in a skin tight uniform. Or you can just crack open an old Playboy to fully see her, your choice.

Spaceballs this is not. Maybe it's ugly red headed step sister. Galaxina is bearable depending on your tolerance of films of it's kind and the size of your funny bone. Deep down I do wish films like this were being made. I'd take any Crown picture over the DTV garbage my generation is dealt with every year. I guess porn parodies will have to suffice.


The Crater Lake Monster

Scientists discover ancient markings detailing man vs dinosaur in an Indian cave. Simultaneously, another discovery awaits as a fiery meteor crashes into the lake. This could prove more deadly than anything as the meteor hatched a prehistoric dinosaur. Disaster ensues as the dino eats any bumbling idiot dumb enough to cross paths with it. The local Sheriff and scientists partner up to contain the dinosaur, or kill it if necessary.

Stop-Motion animated monster with occasional puppet head devours unsuspecting local hicks, this is about as B as it gets. That's a-ok with me. There is a lot of fun to be had watching one of Crown International's many monster flicks. The stop motion dino provided by the late Dave Allen adds the right charm and sets the mood early on. The two bumbling comic relief idiots who sole purpose is to drink, rent out boats to dino food people and check out waitresses they'll never get provides for a good laugh.

Crater Lake Monster is no Godzilla but it is definitely entertaining. Crown has a much better selection of monster mash film that I'd recommend over this but wouldn't dismiss. Sit back with some beer and enjoy the shlock, I'm sure it's the way the film was intended to be seen.

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Disc

• Video

Both films share a disc which could explain the mediocre/fair quality. Galaxina is presented in 1080p and definitely shows it's age. Scratches, pops and everything else mar the transfer. It never really reaches HD potential leaving it mostly soft and dull. On the other hand, Crater Lake Monster is seen with a 1080i transfer and looks surprisingly great. Colors are vibrant with a nice amount of detail. There are speckles and hairlines throughout but it never reaches distraction levels.

Although the Galaxina transfer is a let down, the quality of Crater Lake Monster makes up for it. I hope when Mill Creek decides to bring more Crown classics to Blu-ray they liken to the latter feature's video quality.

• Audio

I listened to both films with the DTS track and it was sub-par at best. Dialogue is low and often is drowned out due to music or effects. It's certainly not the worst mix, you'll just want to keep your remote handy to turn the volume up and down frequently.

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Special Features

This is a bare bones affair. BCI gave Galaxina the Special Edition treatment on DVD in 2006, which is still available. Accompanying the disc was an Audio Commentary, Audio Interview, Additional Footage, Booklet and more. It's a shame these couldn't have been ported over.

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