...sigh...alright, all levity aside, let's start off by getting the usual Uwe Boll issue out of the way, right here and now. Yes, the dude has garnished a notorious and infamous reputation for having written, produced and directed what has been indelibly striken and monikered as truly terrible schlock. Yes, there has been quite an air of mystery, regarding not only how he manages to find financing for all of his films, but also, how he manages to attract notable star talent, like Jason Statham, Ben Kingsley and Michael Madsen. Yes, as such, Uwe Boll has suffered the M. Night Shyamalan stigma of being lambasted and heavily criticized, no matter what production he attaches his name to. However, given that this viewer unfailingly keeps an open mind on just about everything set before him, and as such, tries ever so much to take each movie on it's own individual merit...well, this viewer tends to dive right in, all the while, holding his nose, so to speak...
...so when it came to yet another opportunity to partake in yet another Uwe Boll production, this viewer once again pulled out and donned the objective-minded filter goggles...which annotated that 'yes, a more-than fair amount of what Uwe Boll has afforded his audience, has been...for the most part...lackluster, contrived and uninspired, but still...at least, from a writer's point of view...there remain some interesting ideas in his movies...opportunities, which might seem to be missed, ill-conceived or are not fully fleshed out'...rubbing hands together in 'here we go' anticipation, and diving right in...in short...to quote Led Zeppelin...anticipating that 'the song remains the same'...the proof is in the pudding...or in the case of Uwe Boll films, it's perhaps in the conception, or the writing. And so, do we have the same situation with his latest offering, "Zombie Massacre"?? Let's take a peek, shall we??...
...it seems that covert government biological experiments...meant to create a generic army of super soldiers...have gone dreadfully awry, in a secret military locale, in and about the area of Romania...naturally, surrounded by hapless, unwary & innocent populous...and the result: everyone within breathing range and exposure have been turned into ravaging, fast-moving, flesh-hungry zombies. Before the world can become privy to this screw-up, the eradicative plan is put into motion: send in a crack fighter & weapons crew, infiltrate the heart of the facility, plant an explosive atomic device, capable of wiping out the zombie plague for miles around...and escape clear of the expected devastation...that is, without falling victim to the insatiable ravages of the living dead...
...and so, enter our wrecking crew: a reluctant rag tag team of 'highly skilled' mercenaries...from quite literally, the four corners of the world...led by a muscle-bound American ex-soldier, who is reluctantly called back into duty, on the promise that he would be reunited with his daughter, once his assigned mission is complete. A grizzled explosive expert...imported from Scotland...and an equally snide & angst French sniper, tag team each other, in the midst of picking off mindlessly charging zombies, in manly one uppance posturing, and bantering conversation, regarding their pasts, and the hellish mission, which they have now 'chosen' to engage themselves in. And finally, we have our Asian martial arts master...a mysterious and silent waif of a woman...beautiful, sexy...and armed with not one, but two samurai swords. In the end, who will survive, & live to fight another day...and who will suffer the ravages of the undead?? Will their mission succeed?? And will the father get reunited with his daughter??...
...for co-directors Luca Boni and Marco Ristori, "Zombie Massacre"...which, in some venues, was alternately titled "Apocalypse Z"...clearly meant to do double duty, in knocking off other familiar movie titles, both war-themed and zombie themed (...heck, even Fred 'The Hammer' Williamson did a 'Z' knock-off titled zombie flick, this year, "Z-War"...though, originally known, two years previous, as "Zombie Apocalypse: Redemption")...was their second excursion into the zombie film sub-genre, having wrought yet another Euro-flavored horror flick, "Eaters", from two years previous (...the footage of which, "Zombie Massacre" borrows liberally from...and in this viewer's retrospect, explored much more interesting ideas, as far as the flesh-chomping living dead mythos). However, well into the 90 or so minute running time of this contrived and uninspired, 'Resident Evil, by Way of The Dirty Dozen, with a Dash of Terminator' follow-up, it seems that the behind-the-camera direction effort, herein, was quite literally phoned in. Scene after scene, this viewer could not help but shrug his shoulders in a 'so what' manner...basically exuding the fact that 'hey, we've been here, before'...
...granted, the film is action-packed, and gory...say, on an almost restrained, cartoonish, CGI-rendered level of 'The Walking Dead", and in fact, with the film almost seemingly trying to mirror that series' sense of mission and survival, it does succeed, in that respect, albeit on an outright 'monkey-see, monkey-do' mimicking sort of level. However...and this viewer has mentioned this, on previous 'zombie' film outings...the preponderance and depth in character works best in the serial-chaptered presentation, as seen in "The Walking Dead"; but when it comes to zombie movies, fans of the genre want to get right down to the nitty gritty, with the sense of drama and character...still there, mind you...but taking more of a back seat, in favor of the gruesome zombie mayhem. And this is where "Zombie Massacre" fails to deliver; there's no doubt that most of the budget afforded this little horror ditty, went towards the very exceptional and well-done zombie make-up...but on the whole, there's just not enough of this presentation, to gleefully relish, and what is there...well, can you say, albeit with a discerning yawn, 'uh, been there, done that'??...
...even character-wise, the film seems to pull it's punches (...though, one has to give producer Uwe Boll, a whole heck of a lot of gumption, for being so sure of this baby, that he egotistically has himself cast in the film...as the President of the United States, of all people); the members of our hapless attack team, for the most part, don't seem to fully carry through on what is promised, as far as their skills and abilities. Sure, the muscle-bound ex-soldier leader of this motley crew, does tussle with, and kill off a few zombies, here and there; however, considering his formidable presence, as well as his appearing sense of indifference, this is seen as somewhat matter-of-fact...hardly extraordinary, at all. The sword-wielding gal, on the other hand, does a whole heck of a lot of impressive, oh-wow 'strike a pose' weapons posturing, for all of the minimal zombies she kills, with sword and throwing stars. The sniper expert, despite a lot of clueless weapons fondling and preparation, does manage to get in his prerequisite head shots...though, all due credit to the film's special effects department, who also makes the demolition and explosives expert look quite explosively masterful, in his job...thanks to some deftly applied, albeit cheesy looking, cut & paste visual insertion shots, by way of CGI...
...in a somewhat laughable sort of way, though clearly not the best of introductions, "Zombie Massacre" might genuinely work, for those who have yet to become privy of films in the 'zombie' horror sub-genre...that is, given advance fair warning, of course, that there are zombie films, which are so much better. However, for even the avid and devoted layman of the genre...well, the idea of one of such, maddenly ushering a rally cry of '...Whaaaa!!! I want my 90 minutes back!!!', may not be too far removed, as far as distinct possibility...
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