...in our last gripping episode, Capt. Thorne Sherman, genetics scientist Marlowe Cragis, his daughter, Ann, and the jealous Jerry Farrell (...eh, understandable, seeing that Sherman...whether he meant to or not, was horning in on Jerry's babe) were forced outside of their storm-weakened adobe shelter, and into the high-gated compound, surrounding the vulnerable and dilapidated shelter. The voraciously monstrous shrews, amassed just outside the compound, were digging, digging, digging...trying to force their way into the compound, to get at the juicy human morsels, within. With mere moments before the hungry creatures break through, Capt. Sherman devises a desperate, though most clever plan: Four large steel chemical drums, lashed together...cutting into the drums, eye ports just large enough to see through...with the idea being that each of them get inside the overturned tank-like drum structure, and with great caution, as to not get bit by the poisonous shrews, duck-walk out of the compound, down to the beach waters, and out to Sherman's boat, waiting just off shore. Jerry, in seeing this plan as ludicrous, takes to what he believes is a secure position on the shelter's rooftop. And the other three, with some difficulty, indeed shuffle out of the compound, and down to the safety of the beach waters, with dozens of shrews, nipping at their heels. Swimming out to the boat, Sherman, Cragis and his daughter breathe a sigh of relief, as they put the horrors of the island behind them...as well as Jerry, who for all intent and purpose, has been left to the voracious whims of the monstrous killer shrews...Or has he??...
...oh, come on, people!! Surely, you remember...or perhaps, would rather forget...the often heckled and lambasted, though irresistibly campy and macabre, 'so-bad, it's-good, 1959 grade 'Z' sci-fi schlocker, "The Killer Shrews"?? Yes, folks...the one with a group of desperate people on a secluded island, trying to survive the onslaught of vicious, long-toothed, wolf-sized mutant creatures...creatures, which have depleted the animal life on the island, and now, have set their insatiable appetites upon the human residents. Monstrous creatures, originally the size of tiny rodents...now, genetically enlarged and altered, as the result of well-intended scientific experiments, gone awry (...as you might recall, the idea was to increase the world's food supply, by genetically reducing the size of human beings...What the...??)...
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...of course, the ludicrous storyline is nothing, as compared to how the 'killer shrews' were so memorably depicted and presented...for the most part, trained dogs, decked out in ridiculous patches of extra fur, an exaggerated rodent's tail, and make-up appliques, just chock full of unbelievably long fangs and teeth...though sometimes, fake 'shrew' heads are shakingly jutted into the camera lens (...yeah, right...as if that made them look any more real). Well, folks...just when you thought you couldn't possibly wait until those killer shrews bated a happy return (...and I'm sure that some you did...I just know it...let's face it, you wanted it...come on, admit it)...yes, indeed folks...they're back...the shrews are back...amidst an up-to-date, 'what-has-since-happened-50-years-later story'...some corny, knee-slapping (...severed) tongue-in-cheek humor...some recognizable, though quite grizzled-by-now celebrity names, and...well, as you will soon see, should you brave this venture, a creature make-over, consisting of some bad (...tsk, tsk, tsk, and a head nod...it's so, sooooo bad) CGI. Sigh!! Thy will be done, one might suppose...at any rate, it's here...there's no avoiding it. And so, without any further adieu, let us close our eyes...holding our nose shut with one hand...blindly and cautiously feeling out in front of us, with the other. Oh hell, let's just throw caution to the wind, and precariously jump into the fray. Come on, it'll be like pulling off a band-aid...as we take a look at the oh-so cleverly titled "Return of the Killer Shrews"...
...it's been some fifty years, give or take, since Captain Thorne Sherman (James Best, returning to the role) barely escaped the horrific genetic terrors, left behind on that fateful island; for all intent and purpose, based upon the now late Professor Marlowe Cragis' theories, the killer shrews should have since ate their way into extinction, left to invariably feed upon each other, once the island's food supply was extinguished and/or had escaped. Still quite affected by those nightmarish events, the last thing that Sherman ever wanted to do, was to return to that dreaded place. However, with times being tough for this grizzled old charter captain, it is out of dire financial need, when Sherman reluctantly takes an irresistible offer from the producers of a reality TV show, to sail out to that very island. After all, there shouldn't be anything left to fear; the deadly genetic monstrosities should have since extinguished themselves, right??...
...however, upon arrival to the island...with a TV crew of preening, obsessively self-absorbed people, both behind the camera, and in front...including the once-mega-star Johnny Reno (John Schneider), a narcissistic one-time ladies man, well past his prime, and now resigningly relegated to hosting a proposed reality show, being produced around him...the chilling and monstrous howling in the lush island thicket, give rise to suspicions, in Sherman's mind, that the horrors once populating the island, and since thought dead, might not be so dead. When hapless production crew & celebrity groupies begin to disappear, are later found torn to bloody shreds, and the killer shrews go on the attack, Sherman's suspicions become clear...and he becomes the only hope for survival, for the remaining crew. But how, after all this time, have the shrews managed to survive?? Have they adapted, and evolved into something else?? Is someone perhaps controlling them...uh, perhaps invoking 'the taming of the shrews', so to speak?? (...sorry...couldn't resist that one...yuk, yuk, yuk)
...now, getting down to brass tacks, let's just get it out there: This viewer, an ardent devotee of '50 genre flicks...much like other fans of schlocky sci-fi horror films...absolutely loves the original 'KIller Shrews'; it's an delectable oddity in the genre, which has long since garnished an embraced reputation, and has assume a respectable measure of iconic infamy, that...well, let's face it...the film is way beyond criticism. Since this flick's inception, any wayward lambasting and heckling...such as that, which this viewer amusingly eschewed, previous...is done with great affection for the film. And so, years later, it became sort of an anticipatoric curiosity, when it was suggested that the 'killer shrews' were going to re-emerge, in a sort of 'what if' capacity. The writers and filmmakers here, clearly have an arent love and passion for the original "Shrews". And considering that the approach, as far as "Return of the Killer Shrews", was clearly steeped in a much more humorous venue...sort of poking fun at a legacy, which had already often been poked, despite the 'serious' tone of the original film...the end result is admittedly a lot of fun...negligible, but fun....
...of course, part of the alluring gimmick to the 'killer shrews' return, was the subsequent return of one of the stars of the original film...with veteran actor James Best, once again assuming the role as Capt. Sherman. But then, considering his substantial work in television, it seems all the more amusing that not only James Best was tapped to star in the new 'shrews' flick, but also, in a sort of impromptu (...or was it?) reunion, actors John Schneider and Rick Hurst, who worked with James in the classic 'good ol' boy' hit TV show, "The Dukes of Hazzard", had also been brought into this campy genre fray...with Schneider giving his best exaggerated melding of 'John Wayne, crossed with David Hasselhoff', in his rendering of stale 'he-man' reality show host, Johnny Reno. In fact, given that James, John and Rick had found themselves together on this particular project, it seemed somewhat expected and preordained that, at certain opportune and lull moments in "Return...", they'd poke fun at their respective past famous TV roles, as 'Sheriff Roscoe, Bo Duke and Deputy Hogg'...which they assuredly do, herein...
...but then, poking fun at previous character roles was hardly exclusive to the 'Duke' boys, in this eclectically cast production. Actor Bruce Davison also jumps into the fray, cast as yet another survivor of the original 'Shrews' slaughter (...hmmm!! I wonder who that'd be...)...herein, working a shamelessly giddy and diabolically fun caricature of his 40+ year-old 'Willard Stiles' character, into these proceedings. Admittedly, as much as this persona works quite amusingly and nostalgically well into the storyline, as far as how the shrews have survived, after so many years, the presence of Bruce, in his grizzled, 'Willard'-like performance, greatly serves to remind us genre fans and film collectors, that the original 1971 horror classic, "Willard", is way-long overdue for legitimate digital release...
...as with the original "Killer Shrews", given the new film's gimmicky casting, the corny & campy performances from all involved (...hey, we're not taking Shakespeare, here, folks; if you were expecting otherwise, might I suggest episodes of Masterpiece Theater), and the summarily contrived 'what if' scenario, all of this takes an invariable back seat to the shrews, themselves. Of course, PETA would be litigiously all over the filmmaking powers that be, if they chose to render the shrews in much the same matter as the original film. And so, what'd be the next best thing, as far as showing the shrews, mind you?? Why, of course...the hokiest and most slipshod CGI effects, this side of the Atari 2600 game console (...ah, OK...slightly better than that). And you know what?? Considering today's special effects technology, as compared to that of yesteryear, the crappy CGI effects in this film, genuinely work in the same amusingly hokey way, as the practical special effects and make-up effects of the original. What was actually surprising, in this regard, is how outrageously ridiculous it looked, when the actors were 'interacting' with the CGI...which actually supplemented the campy element of the film (...all due credit to the special effects crew, for making the shrews look more like monstrous giant rodents here, than the 'heavily carpeted' dog-like creatures of the original 'Shrews'...but sheesh!! Even actor John Schneider look better, 'interacting' with the CGI effects in "Smallville", that how he did here)...
...in reflecting back to the original "Killer Shrews", this viewer cannot help but recall a classic and poignant line from the 1980 adventure classic, "Raiders of the Lost Ark", where the sinister Belloq character is speaking to Indiana Jones..."...see this cheap watch? $10 from a local vendor. I bury it for 50 years, and find it later...it becomes priceless...". To that, in a later and equally poignant line from the same film, which might suggest possibilities for "Return of the Killer Shrews", Belloq teases Indy with..."...ah, a fitting situation to (your) exploits...Who knows?? Perhaps, in 50 years, even (you) might be worth something...". Yes?? No?? Time will invariably tell, on that one; but for the time being, "Return of the Killer Shrews" is ultimately a fun little excursion, to engage...negligible and brainless...but fun, nonetheless.....
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