Movie Review: Maggie (2015, Blu-ray)

Reviewed by: James D.

Arnold Schwarzenegger goes to the art-house in a zombie drama called Maggie. Directed by first time film director Henry Hobson, we explore a scaled back Arnold who is stripped away of his action persona and those campy one liner’s. In this film he portrays everyday man Wade Vogel. Wade has a problem though, his 16 year old daughter Maggie was infected by a zombie.

As the film opens he goes to the hospital to pick her up where the nurse informs him that she is going to go into the quarantine. Wade will have none of that as he takes her home. It seems that when people are infected with this virus, they are automatically stuck in quarantine to contain the virus and not infect anyone else. While we do get some zombies here and there, Maggie is more of a drama with a horror film backdrop. As this film explores a father in the last weeks with his daughter before she fully turns into a zombie. The first time director really steers clear of the horror film clichés and zombie clichés as well. As he gives us a character study on a father coming to terms with losing his daughter and if he can truly let go of her.

Movie Review: The Dogs of War (1980: United Artists/MGM/Twilight Time)

...ah, mercenaries...ya' gotta love 'em, right?? Heroes unto themselves, in the sense that...much like bounty hunters...they act and behave of their own accord, and get the job done via unconventional and unorthodox means, when those who subscribe to the lawfully established and so-called acceptable 'rules of the game', have failed. Driven by their own self-serving agenda...the culmination, be that of heartful heroics, thrill-seeking recklessness and/or monetary gain...and yet, wholly honor-bound and dedicated to the cause, in which they were hired to taken on. Confident, albeit arrogant in their ability to persevere, and yet...considering the unpredictability of the vocation...quite well aware that the next mission laid before them, might well be their last. As such, lovingly embracing a death wish, so to speak...but hey, at least there's a paycheck in it, should one survive, to fight yet another day...

...good grief!! 'Heroes', nothing...this viewer pretty much just defined the classic 'anti-hero', right??...

Cinema Head Cheese: Podshort! - Der Todesking and Nekromantik 1 and 2

Jeff Dolniak reviews a threesome that only he could handle.

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Movie Review: "Farm/Ominous/Evidence of a Haunting/Meadowoods/Deadrise" (2015: Echo Bridge/Green Apple/Midnight Releasing/Brain Damage/Monterey/Brauer)

...OK!! OK!! I admit it. I am an absolute sucker for those Echo Bridge multi-movie bundles. Yes, those bargain-bin, mish-mash cult film collections, often butting the most familiar, up against the most obscure. A treasure-trove of long-time movie favorites, with preferred-to-be-forgotten cinematic fumbles. Big-budgeted matter-of-facts, mated with low-budget, independents oddities. Cheezy, no name direct-to-video fodder...and big starring, director-notable okie-dokes. The 'dumping grounds' for lesser studio efforts and public domain classics. The campy, crazy and nutty stuff, originally released singularly, from distributors like Midnight Releasing, Full Moon Pictures, The Asylum, Brain Damage Films, Alliance Releasing, York, and countless others...

...a buck or two'll typically get ya' four or five of these films, laid out on one disc...four or five bucks'll get ya' ten of 'em, and so on. Most of the film titles on the smaller bundles will usually all be found on the 'step up to eight-or-ten' film' collections, along side one or two rarities. And most of those will be found on the 15-to-20-film collections, along side even more obscurities. And often, it genuinely becomes worth the slight extra cost to double dip on a bunch of others, which might be sitting on one's video shelf, in one previously purchased collection, to get that singularly unique and obscure rarity, which might be only available on that attention drawing second collection (...heck, I remember collectors going all ga-ga over the unceremoniously released, under-the-radar editions of the bloody, 1980 'Bigfoot' horror obscurity, "Night of the Demon", as well as the under-appreciated 1983 slasher entry, "Curtains" in this venue, before a couple of the major cult film distributors picked them up, 'legitimately' and the allure of collectible 'special features' editions)...

Monsters of Rock

Ever since I can remember I wanted to be in a band. But to be in one, you had to play an instrument. So my pop bought me keyboards. I couldn’t play them. So he bought me an acoustic guitar. I couldn’t play it. So he bought me an electric guitar. I kinda learned a few things but gave up. So my mom bought me a drum kit. While I’m not a virtuoso, I learned how to play the drums and I do so since 1998. Since then I play a little bit of bass guitar too and I occasionally sing.

Because my collection of movies is growing all the time, I had to make some space, so I sacrificed my vinyl collection (which consisted of mainly glam rock albums and singles). I then sacrificed the biggest portion of my CD collection too. And I got good money for both. But I did that, also because I mostly listen to music on YouTube nowadays. Let’s face it, the internet killed physical media in music. Especially this part of it that I loved so much, the music VHS or DVD, because every video clip is now available online, along with a great selection of full concerts, which were the content those old tapes and discs were offering. But I couldn’t give away this stuff too. So, here’s a breakdown of my favorite music on physical media.

Bands such as the Misfits and Marilyn Manson may be very theatrical and appeal to cult movie fans, and I love them, but they are ignored because they would be too obvious. CD releases that featured a bonus DVD are also ignored; the article is about releases that were about the video. Fictionalized rock musicals [such as PINK FLOYD THE WALL (1982) and THE GREAT ROCK 'N' ROLL SWINDLE (1980)] and rockumentaries [such as LEMMY (2010) and THE FILTH AND THE FURY (2000)] are also ignored. Many of the discs reviewed come with tons of special features too, and those are ignored too due to space limitations. Oh, and the reviews are coming in capsule form as I wanted the article to total less than 3.000 words.

THEY ARE MOTORHEAD; THEY DRINK ALCOHOL, THEY SMOKE CIGARETTES, AND THEY PLAY ROCK ‘N’ ROLL

I had the pleasure of seeing Motorhead live in the early ‘00s in Athens, and in the late ‘00s in London. The Athens gig was one the greatest rock ‘n’ roll experiences me and my friends ever had. After it finished, two of my friends found Lemmy in a bar, drinking whiskey, and they took photos with him. In the meanwhile, I was banging a blonde girl in my hotel. The London gig was awesome too, as Lemmy joined supporting act Girlschool to play Please Don’t Touch. The other supporting act was The Damned, my favorite punk rock band, but more on these guys later.

Street PunXXX (Burning Angel Entertainment - 2015)

Reviewed by: Rick L. Blalock   - April 18, 2016

Starring :

Rizzo Ford
Kelsi Lynn
Amelia Dire
Alice McMunn
Small Hands
Mr. Pete
Seth Gamble 

Synopsis
Life can be rough for the punk rockers of squat 138; Spang-ing  for change, dumpster diving for food. Do you know hard it is to keep vegan in these conditions? To make matters worse, the city's building inspector wants to evict these punks from 138!  Watch these slutty punk chicks do what it takes, and I mean DO what it takes, to save their squat from total destruction. These girls will bring "Getting Fucked By The Man" to a whole new level...like, they will literally get fucked by the man...in the ass too!

(Runtime - 1 hr. 36 mins.)
———————

The film STREET PUNXXX, tells the simple story of a group of Punkers(Small Hands, Alice McMunn, Amelia Dire, and Rizzo Ford), who live an an abandoned building which they call, "Squat 138".  It is here at Squat 138, that a new runaway(Amelia Dire) arrives from somewhere up North.  Fortunately for her, the punks waste no time in making her feel right at home, while also showing her their "ways of the land".  Tricks of the trade, which include Spang-ing(asking people for spare cash), dumpster diving, and getting sex, any way they can.  For many, their ways would be considered unorthodox, but for the punks of squat 138, it is the way that they live, and it is essentially how they have lived comfortably.  That is until now.  Because now, they have the local building inspector(Seth Gamble) breathing down their necks.  Yes, "the man".  And the man says that they must evacuate the premises in 24 hours time.  Knowing this, the punkers simply carry on as they would normally, as they look for a quick solution.  They Spange, they dive, they rock out, and dream of Shrimp flavored Ramen.  But most joyus of all?  They fuck.  And fucking is what they'll do to keep their home.  Amelia sure picked a fine day to join Squat 138.  Because it is the day after, that her ass would truly be on the line!

Movie Review: Spider Baby (1968, Blu-ray/DVD combo)

  The credits dub this “the maddest story ever told”, a promise that's well on the way to being fulfilled in the opening scene alone, when Virginia traps and kills a hapless deliveryman in her makeshift web. She's one of three siblings who suffer from a genetic disorder that causes them to regress back to childhood, while retaining the physical strength and sexual maturity of adults.

 So many directors got their start working for Roger Corman and Jack Hill was one of them. Deemed by Quentin Tarantino as "The Howard Hawks of exploitation filmmaking".  He has been mostly known for having directed Pam Grier in two revolutionary for their times pictures black exploitation pictures Coffy & Foxy Brown.   He would then go on to work with Pam twice more in the two rather infamous shot in the Philippines women in prison films for Roger Corman. Those flicks were the overrated The Big Doll House and the underrated Big Bird Cage. Hill also had a strong working relationship with the great Sid Haig who thanks to House of 1000 and Devils Rejects has had a major career revival.

Cinema Head Cheese: Podshort! - Kung Fury (2015), Human Centipede 3 (2015) and Martyrs (2008)

Jeff Dolniak and Kevin Moyers dive into a YouTube sensation, the end of a very special trilogy and a movie that breaks many interesting boundaries.

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Movie Review: Ace Jackson is a Dead Man (2015; Full Circle Filmworks)

......in gangster flicks...for good or for bad, whether one like him or not...there's seems to be an undeniable appeal, in watching the little guy climb, or at least attempt to climb to the top. You don't necessarily root for the lil' bastard, because let's face it: crawling out of the gutter, onto the savage crime-laden  streets, and fighting tooth & nail for even the most minute crumb of respect, admiration and power...not to mention, the greed-driven acquisition of wealth...well, one of such reckless and unswerving determination of such things, might well be at his most dangerous...most despicable...most deadly. And yet, there's no denying that certain measure of appeal there, in the sense that...despite all the bumbling and mishaps...well, the little guy, damned if he doesn't try harder...not necessarily smarter. mind you, but yes, definitely harder...

...OK, so shady folk of this ilk isn't exactly a likable lot, in that respect, to say the least. You know 'em...the 'Junebugs', 'Rentons', 'Beaumonts', 'Pookies' and 'Mikey T's out there, just to name a few. However, one cannot help but appreciatively rally witness to the upstart's blindly unswerving tenacity...his determined attempt to rise above, break the waters, and hold his own...greed and power, being the base-instinctive driving forces...his resigning realization that he has to kowtow to some deeply instilled assholes, in an effort to prove his worth. And charisma, a ton of fly-by-the-seat-of-one's-pants luck, and...yeah, let's say it...balls, the size of cantaloupes...well, that's part of the charm, as well...

Cinema Head Cheese: Podshort! - Long Jeanne Silver (1977, Vinegar Syndrome)) and Ron Jeremy: Life After the Buffet (2015)

Jeff Dolniak reviews a rereleased classic and a new documentary about an adult film legend.

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Movie Review: The Texas Vibrator Massacre (2004)

A few years ago I read somewhere that this XXX remake of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) was outright banned in the UK by the BBFC, supposedly because among other things it contains incest scenes – not for real, it’s staged among the unrelated in real life performers. Now it’s not news for a prudish (criminal dare I say) organization such as the BBFC to censor a film, so that in itself is not an outstanding achievement, but it is a reason enough for me to want to watch it. After all if Thatcher-worshipping idiots watch a film and then decide that you should not, then you want to own them on disc even more than you normally would.

A bunch of friends are lost in the middle of nowhere, and they pick up a hitch-hiker who’d help them with directions if he wasn’t planning to stab two of them. The remaining three escape and they end up in a house, where they get fucked, tortured, and eventually killed, all by the tenants.

During the first scene I couldn’t help but notice the fly that was interrupting the filming. Other than that the film is great. It’s not like you’ll see anything that you haven’t seen before (when it comes to sex and violence), but even the titles appear to scream ‘genuine movie’! I mean, if you can make porn like that, why would you want to move to ‘normal’ cinema? This is my first encounter (pardon the pun) with a Rob Rotten movie, so I’m not an expert, but believe me; I liked it so much that I’ll be coming back for more.

Double Feature from Hell: Hellinger and Holy Terror

That title pretty much sums it up. This write up is the result of me having to sit through two crappy films in one afternoon. So put your big girl panties on and let’s get through it.

Hellinger (1997)

We begin this movie with a flashback to 20 years earlier. Eight-year old Melissa’s dad is being a total dick to her because his wife, her mom, left him. Apparently the little tyke is afraid of the dark and of something called Hellinger, a mythical demon of sorts that she fears will come take her away to Hell. So naturally the dad taunts her because dick and by doing so, incurs the wrath of Hellinger - who’s real, by the way - who pops in just long enough to pluck out daddy’s eyes and deliver a promise to return.

He doesn’t give us a timetable or a reason WHY so Melissa is left frantic, fearful, and fucked in the head.

Now it’s present day and Melissa is in therapy (shocking). Her therapist doesn’t believe her story about Hellinger, even though she saw him the other night! The power went out in her apartment and Hellinger showed up, tore some skin off his face then ate it. He blathered on about how much he missed her. Is he hitting on her or something? I guess yelling at a woman about how much you love her eyes and wanting to rip them from her skull is considered foreplay in the demon world…

Movie Review: Zombeavers (2014)

My goodness it’s been almost two months since I’ve visited with you crazy people. Please forgive my absence. In order to make it up to you, I offer you the following review of the most boring horror comedy I’ve ever seen. It’s sure to be filled with snark and sarcasm, just the way you freaks like it.

Zombeavers (I blame Sharknado for the proliferation of combo titles like this crap) begins with two halfwits driving an OPEN BED TRUCK filled with barrels of toxic waste. After failing to master even the most basic of driving skills, the driver plows into a deer. One barrel escapes and falls into a local river, ending its adventure at a beaver dam where it promptly busts open and splooges green liquid everywhere.

Fast forward however many days and our three heroines, Mary, Zoe, and Jen, are having a girls’ weekend in the country because Jen’s boyfriend can’t keep his dick to himself. Unfortunately, the weekend takes a different turn when all the boyfriends show up: Tommy, Buck, and Sam.

Remake Everything

by Kevin Moyers

With the rumor that Dwayne Johnson will star in a Big Trouble in Little China remake swirling around, I've had the wonderful opportunity to read grown adults whining like spoiled children that this is wrong. This is an atrocity. This should be illegal. John Carpenter (the director of the original) shouldn't let this happen. Whoever thought of this should die. They're ruining the original. Blah, blah, blah, whine, cry, bitch, whine.

Stop it. Stop it now.

Don't get me wrong. I've been guilty of this same idiotic behavior in the past. I've dumped all over Tim Burton for re-imagining everything. Honestly, I only think I did it because I hated the word re-imagining. The point is, I was wrong, and it was a complete waste of time for me to complain about something that really didn't matter. I like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I'm sure I've seen it ten or more times since I was a kid. I've seen three minutes of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Why? Because I didn't want to watch it. I like the original, and the remake didn't appeal to me. Nobody forced me to watch it, so I didn't. Better yet, nobody took the version I enjoy away.

Do you get that part? The one you love IS STILL THERE.