Okay. I promised
David Hayes that I would be brutally honest in my review of this movie and I
intend to keep it. (please don’t be mad please don’t be mad please don’t be
mad)
Werewolves in Heat
is about three young men about town looking to party and get laid. Renting a
house out in the desert they plan a big shin dig but if they don't want it to
end up a sausage fest, they need to find some ladies. ASAP. They journey to a
local bar where they hire some hookers for the evening. How convenient…except,
unbeknownst to our gentlemen callers, these ladies are also werewolves and our
intrepid heroes are on their dinner menu.
That's really all
you need to know about the film. There is nothing deep, or even all that
interesting, about the story. The characters are tissue paper, the acting is
terrible, and the whole thing felt like a group of people made a movie just
because they could. Basically the entire film is jerk-off fodder for 13 year
old boys - which is maybe why I didn't like it.
There were just a
couple of bits that made the 70 minute watch time worth it. The man-servant
that comes with the rental house, Captain Bill, was amusing. He had little
zingers here and there, he kept himself in the front closet until needed, and
he wore a captain's hat the whole time. He made me laugh once or twice.
One of the trio of
guys, Hyman, needed to consult his Rabbis about whether or not he should sex up
two of the hookers. I'm still not sure if it was all in his head or over the
phone but David Hayes and John Arking popped in for about 3-4 minutes of screen
time to play upon the stereotypes of old Jewish guys but they also encourage
Hyman to let his freak flag fly. I tittered at that scene.
 |
| "Dude, why is your hand on my-" Ssshhh. It's okay. Just enjoy it. |
But the saving grace
of this whole masturbatory fantasy world was Ron Jeremy as the werewolf
hookers' pimp. I don't know if it's because he's had more acting experience
than everyone else in the film or it's just because he's the infamous Ron
Jeremy but I loved him. He didn't have much screen time but what little he did
have felt so genuine, like he really was just enjoying his time and the character. I wish he'd been utilized more.
So there you have
it. If you're a guy, I'm sure you'll love this film. If you're a really horny
girl, you might get a kick out of it, too. Otherwise, I think you should just
avoid it all together.
1 hatchet (and
that's for Ron - nothing else is worthy) out of 5
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