…the whole lot of genre movie trailer compilations, much
like the trailers themselves, has always been a mixed bag of sorts, as far as
the really good ones, intermingled with the ho-hum ones. Invariably, the best
ones out there, are the few and far between which genuinely go the extra mile,
as far as special…even unconventional presentation, for lack of a better term, rather
than merely juggling the same old mix of weathered, well-worn and oft-seen
trailers. When this reviewer, and long-since devoted genre movie trailer
collector, first succumbed to the collector’s allure of those eye-popping,
albeit quickly digestible movie condensations…often which were cleverly edited,
in so much as the trailers, in most cases, was genuinely better than the
full-length feature films themselves…the prime go-to source for these eclectic
compilations was the likes of people not unlike that of the late Mike Vraney’s
Something Weird Video, with their enticing and exploitative trailer collection
titles (…liberally rendered in a sort of random, hither-tither, maverick
junk-food fashion, including some deliciously psychedelic VHS box art, to boot),
including the ‘Dusk ‘til Dawn Drive-In Trash-o-rama Show’…the ‘Shiver and
Shudder Show’ (…Ooooo!! Ske-e-e-elly!!)…the hippie-crazed Johnny Legend-hosted ‘Bikers,
Blondes and Blood’…the equally insane, dy-no-mite & ‘outta sight’ rapper/hipster/gangsta’
meanderings of host Rudy Ray Moore, in ‘Afros, Macks & Zodiacs’. And who
couldn’t possibly keep from salivating uncontrollably over the down ‘n’ dirty prospects
suggested in Vraney’s over-the-top ‘Blood-o-rama Shock Show’, featuring a
promised ’50 Brain Slurpin’ Guts ‘n’ Gore Movie Trailers from the ‘60’s &
‘70’s…Oh, yum!!!...
…and again, over the years, as overall presentation of the
more unusual and stand out movie trailer/clip collections became more paramount
than just merely stamping and trousting out the same old trailers…well, the
likes of Mike Vraney gave way to collections with wrap-around hosts and
situations, to spice things up. Man, you just had to love compilation titles like
Wizard Video’s Elvira-hosted “Filmgore”, or ‘The Best of Sex & Violence’, the
latter with knee-slapping, one-liner wrap-around commentary by veteran genre
actor John Carradine (…and even John’s sons, David & Keith, get in on the act).
Or ventriloquist Nick Pawlow, trading macabre chuckles and nostalgic insights
with his lil’ undead zombie ‘pal’ Happy, amidst the genre trailers in ‘Mad
Ron’s Prevues from Hell’. Anyone actually remember slackers Steve Buscemi and
Mark Boone, yucking it up at a local rickety ‘movies ‘til dawn’ theater palace,
in the almost forgotten lil’ compilation ditty, called “Film House Fever”?? And
leave us not forget veteran actor Cameron Mitchell, decked out in sinister cloaked
blackness, teasing and taunting unsuspecting video store patrons, with clips of
nasty Continental Video-distributed genre gems, on the self-apparent “Terror on
Tape”??...
…and well, just when you thought that you’d seen it all…eh well,
umm…
…say, around 2005 or so, shamelessly self-proclaimed
grindhouse smut peddlers James Bialkowski and Jacob Windatt (…no worries, guys…considering
our skewed and devoted crowd, reading herein, the term ‘smut’ is thusly coined
in a delectably favorable and affectionate way)…the two-man duo of operations
of Vagrancy Films…began their trek across the highways and by-ways of the
greater United States and Canada, with their often quite flamboyantly
degenerate screenings of some of the most obscure, bizarre and outrageous
grindhouse movie prints, liberally fettered with seemingly random, though
equally twisted movie trailers, clips, commercials and other provocative pieces
of cinematic pop culture nostalgia, and at the same time, daring to put on one
helluva show, in the wake of each and every screening. With only a privileged
few having experienced the deliciously decadent dreck, which these boys
lovingly, albeit covertly splattered onto unsuspecting screen venues…well, it
stands to question, at least for we who have managed to escape…er, or rather miss
these over-the-top screenings…just how can we jump into the fray, amidst this
irresistibly maddening cinematic insanity??
…”Colour Correct My Cock” amusingly kicks into gear with an
irreverent, improvised and comically vaudevillian-like scenario, where our two
intrepid producers, James and Jacob, are in a small warehouse office…kind of
like what one might find in a bare-bones, thrown-together construction site
trailer…batting back and forth, commentary on potential submitted contributions
for their proposed clip & trailer compilation…the rambling, acidic-laced ‘brainstorming’,
occasionally interrupted by their beautifully slinky, sexy and buxom assistant,
who parades in with their mail and some beers…and later, by some brutus-sized,
leather-clad associate of theirs, hefting a passed-out bar girl over one
shoulder, and a half-toked six-pack over the other. Taking time to open a few
pieces of their fan mail, James and Jacob immediately unleash a maddening
‘wrath to the gods’ tirade (…which blazingly culminates in the titular exclamation),
when one of the more respectable media distributors sends them a
correspondence, which form-letter-like dictates an appreciation for their
submissions, but denies them any sort of distribution deal, because their
material is deemed way too harsh for even the more appreciative audience of
such material…
…and what follows, without giving too much away, is James
Bialkowski’s and Jacob Windatt’s suggested aforementioned (…and consequently,
to our exclusive benefit, ‘rejected’) contribution to the trailer tape genre…an
outrageously insane and schizophrenic mix of obscure cult film trailers,
vintage public service announcements, random X-rated clips of Japanese ‘pink’
movies, old-school ‘60’s & ‘70’s TV commercials, countless drive-in theater
concession advertisements, and more obscure genre movie trailers, many of which
are dubbed or rendered in German, which makes the totally whacked out
proceedings offered herein, all the more…well, whacked out. There’s absolutely
no rhyme nor reason to how these clips and trailers are randomly spliced
together…and yet, the insane waywardness (…read ‘way fucked up’) of the
compilation, is outrageously riotous, rousingly side-splitting, and irreverently party
perfect…
…a movie trailer for a ‘70’s Canadian ‘children’s film
festival’ is followed by a…well, a rather ‘penetrating’ Asian ‘pink’ movie
segment…a preview for a hardcore German-language flick is proceeded by the
delightfully low-budget & cavity-inducing trailer for “The 7 Dwarves to the
Rescue”…some random segment involving three naked ladies, frolicking in a pond,
then a trailer for the kung-fu/mafia knock-off, “Godmother II”…after Walt
Disney’s “Gus”, a riotous ‘anti-drinking’ message…a German trailer for “Killer
Condoms”…a promo spot for the PIC mosquito repellant…almost all the daring ‘Doberman
Gang’ are represented…so are ‘Tintorera’, ‘Scorchy’ and ‘Nigger Charley’. Leave
us not forget about actor Tony Curtis’ spot, and the time later in his fading
career, when he ‘liked it cool’, even if it was still hot…and oh, how this reviewer
remembers that scratchy old-school Whammo TV commercial (…ah, c’mon!! As with any
snot-nosed, pimply-faced kid of the late ‘60’s/early ‘70’s, who didn’t get higher
than a kite, ‘inadvertently’ sucking in those overwhelming, mind-numbingly noxious fumes
of ‘SuperElasticBubblePlastic’?? Kids today, and ‘Tide Pods’, you say?? Yeah, right...Git’ outta’
town!!!). And all this…rest assured, is just the tip of the iceberg…
…BUT WAIT!!! Quicker than the guy in the infomercial (always)
says, “…if you act right now, we’ll also include as a bonus…”…yes, even as you
fine degenerate folk out there read this, the word on the social media
grapevine has recently suggested that the boys are in the editing process of
etching out…yes, a third edition of “Colour Correct My Cock”…
...hey, what is it that they say about "the best things in life are worth waiting for"?? In this case, they might have meant lowlife...but, be rest assured, that's a good thing...a good, extra-long and extra-thick thing, if we're lucky...LOL!!!
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