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January 21, 2023

DON’T BE LATE and PEDIE THE CLOWN: VAMPIRE HUNTER (Shorts) REVIEWS

Last April, I picked up a handful of films from an independent movie maker out of Flint, MI. Tyler Zickafoose (if that’s not an awesome name, I don’t know what is) and his Atomic Swan Films company were set up next to me at the April Ghoul’s Day event, hosted by the Flint Horror Collective. Tyler was extremely personable and was obviously passionate about making movies. I decided to buy a couple, letting him know I write reviews for this website and to be warned that if I didn’t like something, I would shred it like an asshole.

Surprisingly, or maybe not, he was down for it. He also gave me one or two for free (it’s been a while – sorry, I can’t remember exactly) despite my potential assholery to come. Now, nearly a year later, I’m finally getting off my ass to review them.

 

So far I’ve only watched three short films. I thought these were all full-length features so I gave one to a friend, not thinking to review it because it must have been the exception in the pile. If I’d known, I would have included it for this post.

Oh well. Let’s just move on with our lives and talk about the two shorts, “Don’t Be Late” and “Pedie the Clown: Vampire Hunter”.


DON’T BE LATE (2018)

The DVD begins with a few trailers for upcoming projects – “Killer Raccoon Fish in 3D”, some kind of Wings Pizza thing, “Among Thieves”, which tells us nothing about the film, and “Rise of the Ninja”. I’m pretty sure I have the “Rise of the Ninja” film so look forward to THAT review later.

The main short is about a dad and his son heading to the video rental store to get that “dinosaur movie where the dinosaurs chase all the people”. Despite the video store not having a porn section (which this guy should know since he bitches later about being a loyal customer, but I digress), dad gets the movie. The rental store clerk, Mr. Friendly, instructs him to return it by tomorrow at 10:00pm and “don’t be late”.

Despite the gentle reminder, dad brings the movie back a day late and is charged a $2 fee. This is when he pitches an absolute fit, ranting about being a loyal customer and how shitty the place and he ain’t paying. But instead of storming out, he decides to use the bathroom first to take a dump.

When you gotta go, you gotta go, you know?

As you can imagine, Mr. Friendly isn’t too pleased with the turn of events and grabs a rusty hammer to solve the issue.

 

Umm….

Look, I like the idea of it. Short, straight to the point, no excessive padding (well, maybe a little with the additional scene with another customer), shows us everything we need without massive exposition dumps to explain character motivations or plot lines. Granted, the acting is pretty bad, the editing choppy as fuck, and the sound is completely uneven. But I have to say it was okay. Sort of.

3/4 hatchet (out of 5)

 

PEDIE THE CLOWN VAMPIRE HUNTER (2019)

The next short opens with a title screen describing the following footage as found at an unknown location and filmed at an unknown time. Anyone with heart issues should NOT watch it.

Pedie the Clown is teaching a group of kids how to build their own vampire hunting kit. The film focuses only on Pedie as he describes each item while he smokes, drinks, and drops a bunch of f-bombs. Eventually, one of the kids points to a vampire off screen and Pedie steps away to take care of it.

When he returns, disheveled, wig askew, and bible tucked into his pants, he wraps up the show reminding the kids they’ll be exploring yoga next week.

 

Um….

Look, I actually liked this one. The sound is better, the only editing needed was for the commercial breaks, and Tuan Edwards as Pedie was fucking hilarious.

Yes, he was the same guy who played the dad in the video rental short, but maybe since Pedie didn’t really interact with any other characters, it was easier to lose Tuan and only see the clown. Also, he spoke in a high squeaky voice while delivering zingers like “holier than thou water” in reference to booze that, “yes, tastes like Jesus’s piss”.

I mean, I actually had to pause the DVD because I was laughing pretty hard.

I wouldn’t call this a short film. If anything, it’s a great comedic skit – simplistic and funny as fuck – but not a film.

2 hatchets (out of 5)

 

NOTE: I wish I could link something but their YouTube channel hasn't uploaded anything for 8 years and the FaceBook page was last updated in 2020. So...not sure what's up with that. 




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January 1, 2023

A Binge too Far #28 – Rise of the Predator (2018 & 2022)

A stunning frame from Prey (2022)


Happy New Year! For me New Year’s Eve is always about changes and setting new goals. Well, for starters, I thought I’d change the way my posts work in Cinema Head Cheese. You’ll still be getting one post per month by yours truly but for 2023 you’ll get A Binge too Far posts on the 1st of January, February, March, May, June, July, September, October, November, and you’ll get Static Age posts on the 1st of April, August, and December (essentially becoming a quarterly column). In other words, every three A Binge too Far posts, will be followed by one Static Age post. I decided upon this new arrangement in order for Static Age to grow even bigger and include more content each time (I’m thinking more than 2,000 words and more than ten series tackled per post), while of course A Binge too Far will remain pretty much the same, with a special that’ll included a couple of reviews in each post. Got it? This time we’ll take a brief look on the two recent Predator releases.

 

Reviews:

 

The Predator (2018) poster

The Predator
(2018)

 

Another tagline reads “You’ll never see him coming.”, to which I should add that we would probably be better off if we didn’t anyway, but here we are with another Predator film (1987 – present) on our hands. But is it any good? The short answer is, unfortunately not. Although director Shane Black (who also co-penned the screenplay with Fred Dekker) went for an R-rating (as promised in his interviews), and the beheadings and overall mayhem are intact, there’s not much else to enjoy here. For starters, the plot is thinner than the ones usually employed by SyFy product, and the acting is bordering on the laughable. If you care to see it, all you need to know in advance, story-wise, is that the film concerns a Predator that is on custody by human scientists that keep him under heavy sedation, and – surprise! – he escapes, and now humanity is in danger. Will we be able to save our asses?

 

Produced by Lawrence Gordon (who had also backed the original film) on a $88 million budget, this premiered at the Toronto International Film Festival 2018 before embarking on a general theatrical release which doubled its money (it went on to gross more than $160.5 million), so we might see more of the hard boiled aliens. However, the film will remain immortal in popular culture memory solely because of the controversy it caused to PC circles because sex offender Steve Wilder was cast in a minor role, which was then left in the editing floor due to the fabricated outrage.

 

Prey (2022) poster

Prey
(2022)

 

Naru (Amber Midthunder) is a young Comanche woman who faces sexism from her tribe who’d prefer to have her as a cook due to her gender, but she wants to be a hunter and becomes one of the best after meticulous training, which comes handy when her small community in the forest is attacked by an alien predator.

 

Working as a prequel, this fifth installment in the long-running franchise is both entertaining (mainly due to its several outstanding gore and action set-pieces) and masterful (due to several well-staged one-shots and a stunning cinematography), resulting in what is possibly the best chapter in the series since the original.

 

Directed by Dan Trachtenberg (who also penned the story, with Patrick Aison, who in turn wrote the screenplay), this started development during the production of the 2018 film reviewed above and it was shot in Calgary in 2021 on a massive $65 million budget. It premiered at the San Diego Comic-Con before receiving a release as a Hulu original to positive reviews from fans and critics alike.


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