Search the Cinema Head Cheese Archives!

January 14, 2019

Movie Review: Brutal Tales of Chivalry (aka Shôwa zankyô-de, 1965)

Directed by Kiyoshi Saeki

Movie Review by Greg Goodsell

Following the end of World War II, the nation of Japan is in ruins. In order to survive, the civilian population of the Asakusa neighborhood in Tokyo must make do with illegal open air black markets for food, clothing and other necessities. But even in these squalid conditions, there is honor. The Kamizu, one of the nascent groups that would later become part of the dreaded Yakuza criminal gangs, attempts to bring fresh food and high quality goods to compete against Iwasa’s (Michitarô Mizushima) clan, which floods the market with cheap goods, violently threatening all forms of competition.

When the elderly leader of the Kamizu group is murdered, his role is assumed by returning soldier Seiji (Ken Tarukuru). In a strange twist, according to the leader’s dying wishes, he wants the Kamizu to continue their activities without any retaliation against Iwasa’s clan.

This is just the beginning of Seiji’s problems as the woman he has loved before the war has since married another man. While she continues to makes romantic overtures to him, he must refuse as a man of honor and integrity.

While Iwasa’s men tighten the screws among the populace with threats and sporadic acts of violence, Seiji’s men refuse to answer in kind and begin the process of politically winning over the local politicians. Seiji hits upon the idea of creating indoor shopping center, only to have Iwasa’s gang burn it to the ground while embarking on similar plans. Seiji’s strict moral codes are pressed to their limits – and the conclusion is expectedly drenched in blood.

Brutal Tales of Chivalry may be tough going for western viewers. It is wholly and unapologetically Japanese, unconcerned with compromises for foreign markets. It is important to remember that this film came at a time when the average Japanese went to the cinema in excess of three times a week in lieu of watching television. Many of these films are awash in history and customs only known to the Japanese. One stumbling block that many non-Japanese viewers will have is how saintly and bound by honor Seiji is, and how slow he is to turn the violent tactics used against him by the rival clan. It has been suggested by other reviewers that this is a somehow slanted view of history, as the early Yakuza, in the best of times, were never governed by altruism.

Coincidentally, lead actor Ken Takura would later become a major action star in Japan and internationally, lending his charisma to such diverse projects as The Yakuza (1974), Black Rain (1989) and Mr. Baseball (1992) with Tom Selleck.

The usual limited to 3,000 copies by Twilight Time has restored this film the best as they can, given its age and source materials. The sole extra – discounting the liner notes by Julie Kirgo, is the lengthy documentary “Brutal Tales of Filmmaking: Toei Producer Toru Yoshida,” a talking head interview about the film and the similarly themed films that followed afterwards.

Burdened with windy discourses on honor and integrity, the film is a bit too slow going, only erupting into gory violence towards the very end. Brutal Tales of Chivalry is best appreciated with those of knowledge and an understanding of postmodern Japanese history.

Get books, comics, graphic novels and more at bunny17media.com. Use the code CHC at checkout for 15% off your purchase!

Follow Cinema Head Cheese:
Website: cinemaheadcheese.com
Facebook: /cinemaheadcheese
Twitter: @CinHeadCheese
Email: cinemaheadcheese@yahoo.com
Instagram: abnormalpodcast 
Pinterest: /abnormalpodcast/cinema-head-cheese/
RSS Feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/CinemaHeadCheese
iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cinema-head-cheese-movie-reviews-news-a-podcast-and-more/id393261942?mt=2
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=18843&refid=stpr

You can support Cinema Head Cheese and Abnormal Entertainment on our Support Us page.

January 7, 2019

Animalistic (2015) Movie Review


Okay, it’s time to get back on this movie reviewing mechanical horse! Hey, you have your mixed idioms, and I have mine…

We begin 2019 with a screener for a movie that came out in 2015 (though I just got it last summer, which is why I don’t feel too bad for being so late in bringing you this review.) Animalistic brings us the story of a young woman, Emma, who is kidnapped on her way back from a big business interview. The shady taxi driver, Shirley, chloroforms our not-so-savvy professional woman, and when she wakes, Emma finds herself the captive of a greasy man named Jim, and his slow-witted buddy, Peter.

Over the course of the next few days, Jim rapes and sodomizes Emma. Peter is more there for the gross stuff – I’m pretty sure he fucked the corpse of the previous victim – or to keep an eye on the captive while Jim goes about his normal life with his buddies, and WIFE AND KID.

Eventually, Emma finds the means to escape (a couple of times,) and is able to get revenge on her captors before walking off to freedom.


Um….yeah.

If you’re into the gritty look and feel of an exploitation film, this could be up your alley. It tries a little too hard in my opinion, but it doesn’t miss the mark by much. The brutality is there; the blood and gore is certainly present; that uncomfortable sphincter clench comes into play often. And while I don’t mind some good ultra-violence now and then, I prefer my revenge served cold, after months of planning and prep work. Not that immediate vengeance is a bad thing. It’s just not as satisfying.

Is that weird?

Da fuq?

The film is shot to look dark and gritty, like a classic exploitation, but it has a more modern feel. Unfortunately, the music/sound effects are much louder than the dialogue, making it difficult to hear what characters were saying. Didn’t really matter though, since it’s the action that drives the film, not so much the story/exposition.

The acting is better than most independent film. But Ralf Beck, who plays Jim, is certainly the cream floating to the top of this bucket of curdled milk. We see how dark he is; we learn how fucked up his logic works; his absolute pleasure at the suffering of another is disturbing, to say the least. Ralf pulls it all off beautifully, so much so that I kept shouting for Emma to “BLOW HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF!” once she turned the tables on him.

The few things that irked me were probably just my own personal issues, and most other people could overlook them. Everyone in this film is Swedish, so when they all speak with Swedish accents, but the characters are supposed to be from Illinois, it’s distracting (Shirley’s Taxi ID card shows the state of Illinois – now it’s possible they are all FROM Sweden and just happened to all move TO Illinois, but I ain’t buying it.) I also find it difficult to believe that if your feet are being chopped up in a wood chipper, you’d be coughing up blood. Last I checked, the feet bones are not connected to the lung bones, uknowwutimeen? There were a few other things, but not really worth mentioning.

(*coughserratedsawswontcutthroughbonecough*)

How many times do I have to tell you to PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN!

Not a terrible film by any means, but just not my cup of tea. Decent effort, good acting, marginal character development, good kills.

2.5 Hatchets (out of 5)







Get books, comics, graphic novels and more at bunny17media.com. Use the code CHC at checkout for 15% off your purchase!

Follow Cinema Head Cheese:
Website: cinemaheadcheese.com
Facebook: /cinemaheadcheese
Twitter: @CinHeadCheese
Email: cinemaheadcheese@yahoo.com
Instagram: abnormalpodcast 
Pinterest: /abnormalpodcast/cinema-head-cheese/
RSS Feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/CinemaHeadCheese
iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cinema-head-cheese-movie-reviews-news-a-podcast-and-more/id393261942?mt=2
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=18843&refid=stpr

You can support Cinema Head Cheese and Abnormal Entertainment on our Support Us page.

January 1, 2019

A Binge Too Far #2: Waterloo Bridge

Frame from Waterloo Bridge (1940).
Robert E. Sherwood wrote a stage-play called Waterloo Bridge: A Play in Two Acts, based on his own experiences with a prostitute during WWI (World War I). Although the Broadway play lasted for a mere year and a total of 64 performances, it gained good reviews, and the buzz that it created was such that producing extraordinaire Carl Laemmle Jr. decided to turn it into a movie. We take a look at Waterloo Bridge (1931) and its first remake.

Spanish DVD box art for Waterloo Bridge (1931).
Waterloo Bridge (1931)

Set in WWI, In London, this is about two young Americans, Myra [Mae Clarke from Frankenstein (1931)], a prostitute, and Roy [Douglass Montgomery, later in The Cat and the Canary (1939)], a soldier, who fall in love when they meet by chance.

The major studio (Universal Pictures), the producer (Carl Laemmle Jr.), and the director (James Whale), that brought you the unforgettable horror of Frankenstein (1931), also made this the same year, which is shamefully neglected, mainly because it is not a genre picture per se, but is leaning towards the straight drama area.

This pre-Code flick was made on a modest $252,000 budget (and a shooting schedule of a mere 26 days), and the source material was adapted for the screen by Benn W. Levy and Tom Reed. The film enjoyed a proper theatrical release (albeit with some issues with censors in places such as Chicago and New York, due to the sensitive – for the time – subject matter), but it proved impossible to be re-released after the imposition of the Production Code in 1934.

December 1, 2018

Secondhand Smut #9: The Filthy Dump

Dark Dreams (1971)

Director Roger Guermantes’ (whoever he may be) feature is about a newlyweds Jack (Harry Reems, no introduction needed) and Jill (Tina Russell, again no introduction needed) that on their way to their honeymoon get involved with a bunch of hippies that are supposedly performing black magic rituals and loads of sexual encounters ensue.

The screenplay by one Canidia Ference (who is also credited as the producer) is pure pulp book-like gold, the cinematography by Werner Hlinka [camera operator of Teenage Tramp (1973)] is stunning (I believe that the film was shot on 35mm), and the score by Charles Morrow [composer of the additional music in Altered States (1980)] is – simply put – fantastic, so this is definitely one that you should not miss.

It all ends predictably with a gang rape, but before that you should look out for an interracial sex scene between star Harry Reems and June Dulu, which is something that wasn’t that common in 1971.

November 1, 2018

Secondhand Smut #8: Analog Repulsion

The present installment of your favorite dirty column was inspired by The Films of Jess Franco, a collective book edited by Antonio Lazaro-Reboll and Ian Olney, which although it adds no new information or trivia, it does analyze the shit out what we already know; a great academic work that should be purchased by all connoisseurs of erotic cinema. But without further ado, on with the reviews!

The Image (1975)

Jean [Carl Parker from The Score (1974), which was reviewed in this column’s previous installment] and Claire (Marilyn Roberts) seduce Anne [Rebecca Brooke from Confessions of a Young American Housewife (1974)] into the world of BDSM and indulge into a series of erotic games that include everything, from whipping to chaining, and from feet licking to pissing.

Also known as The Punishment of Anne and The Mistress and the Slave this was directed by adult film auteur Radley Metzger (who also penned the screenplay, based upon the same-titled novel by Catherine Robbe-Grillet) and it aims high. Featuring the gorgeous cinematography of Robert Lefebvre (this was his last credit) and an impressive soundtrack, it rarely disappoints.

Sure, it may not be as good as, say, the similar The Story of O (1975) and the neo-noir approach of the voiceover is quite heavy-handed, but this is still a masterpiece and it must be seen by all connoisseurs of classic adult cinema.

October 29, 2018

Movie Review: Cinema Paradiso (1988)

Directed by Giuseppe Tornatore

Movie Review by Greg Goodsell

Salvatore Di Vita, or "Toto" lives with his mother in his small Sicilian fishing village. His father mysteriously absent, Toto looks to the kindly, grandfather-like figure of Alfredo (Philippe Noiret) for a male role model. The town’s film projectionist for the town’s sole movie theater, the titular Cinema Paradiso, Alfredo instills a love of movies in the young boy. The theater plays a vitally important role in the local community. Cutting across political and religious beliefs, the townspeople treat the theater as an important gathering place where they can all get down to the very serious business of watching movies. The small but humble theater has its vocal detractors: As some of the less tolerant villagers point out, motion pictures forms a gateway desire to life beyond their regional way of life, but this attitude fails to turn them against purchasing tickets. There is a price to pay for all this artifice, as a fire tears through the theater and leaves Alfredo blind. Toto remains at Alfredo’s side as an avid helpmate, until he is counseled by Alfredo as a young man on the way to college to pursue his dreams away from the village. Later in life as a successful filmmaker, Toto returns to the cinema, now in ruins, to unearth a hidden reel of film that is almost too heart-breakingly poignant to watch ...

October 1, 2018

Secondhand Smut #7: Living Dead Format



 Your favorite dirty column, Secondhand Smut, is back and will be reviewed random old porn with no particular order or reason; just for your eyes only. The column’s return was inspired after the author read Pete Chiarella’s A Whole Bag of Crazy: Sordid Tales of Hookers, Weed, and Grindhouse Movies. And another noteworthy book that recently came to my attention was flesh trade: tales from the uk sexual underground, in which writer Bruce Barnard goes on a mission to explore as much of the British-based sex work as possible; I liked the journey, but not its conclusion. But anyway, without further ado, let’s dive deep into the film reviews.

Butterflies (1975)

Denise (Swedish starlet Marie Forsa) is terminally bored by her unexciting life in the country where she lives with her equally unexciting boyfriend and decides to leave all that behind, go to the big city and make it to the luxurious and exciting world of fashion modeling. It is there that she meets club owner Frank (Harry Reems, no introduction needed) and the two fall in love, until the lady is disappointed when she finds out that her rich man is a womanizer.

Written and directed by Joseph W. Sarno (again, no introduction needed), this comes (quite expectedly, to be honest) with stunning camerawork and impressive visuals, but its soap opera-like plot is tiresome and the end result is ultimately boring. Watch out for a hilarious sex scene in which Reems pounds in fast forward!

September 21, 2018

Movie Review: Singularity (2017)

Okay, Moyers. I’m drunk and ready to view this movie. It better be as terrible as you said.

(SPOILERS AHOY because, basically, I can’t be bothered to filter through the entirety of this shitsack to protect you from ruining the story - you’ll thank me later. Oh yes, you’ll thank me.)

Singularity is about VA Industries, which creates a bunch of robots for human use (read: military) to stop all wars. Riiiiiight. Trouble is, the CEO of VA, Elias Van Dorne (John Cusak) has a breakthrough: Kronos. Kronos is Van Dorne’s AI creation that will save humanity from itself. Riiiiiiight.

Eventually, Kronos realizes that humanity can go eat a bag of dicks and, therefore, must destroy it, so the world will have a better chance of survival. After Elias downloads himself and his bro into Kronos, making the most awkward three-way EVAR, Kronos kills everyone.

Well, almost everyone. 97 years later... As in every single other man-vs-machine film, there are small bands of survivors scrabbling out a living, killing each other to steal supplies, or trying to reach Aurora, the last stronghold of humans that aren’t total dick knockers.

September 1, 2018

Static Age #1

Static Age (named after The Misfits’ song about television is a new column in which I will be talking to you about all sorts of genre television.) Each installment will start with its spotlight in some classic or not-so classic title that doesn’t get the love it deserves and I had neglected seeing so far. Then we’ll proceed on discussing more recent shows. And in the end, we’ll be chatting about all sorts of random stuff, from mainstream film to film books. I hope you enjoy!

This Static Age’s spotlight goes to the 1st (and only) season of RoboCop: Prime Detectives (2000) which is essentially four one hour and a half movies, and whilst their satire is welcome, its predictions did not prove very accurate, while the special effects have not aged very well. Often, the soundtrack is reminiscent of westerns. However, it contains a lot of action and it is much better than what people have told you.

I also managed to catch up with the following recent shows…

The 2nd season of Peaky Blinders (2013 – present) find the same-named Birmingham gang and its leader Thomas Shelby (Cillian Murphy) coming up against with “bigger fish” as their reputation reaches London.

The 1st season of Narcos (2015 – present) is about the real-life story of infamous smuggler Pablo Escobar (played here in excellence by Wagner Moura) who used to make a lot of money smuggling a variety of goods, but really made millions when he started exporting cocaine from Columbia to the United States of America. I am a scholar of the real-life case of Escobar, and rarely have I seen a TV show being so true to the facts (real news photos and videos from the era are employed as well, making for a peculiar blend) while also remaining very entertaining.

August 1, 2018

A Binge Too Far #1: American Ninja


Welcome to A Binge too Far, the new column that was named after my favorite A Bridge too Far (1977), and which will be presenting you each time with film-by-film reviews of classic (and some not so classic) franchises or movie series which I had neglected seeing so far. Without further ado, let’s start with American Ninja.
 
American Ninja (1985)

Joe (action movie legend Michael Dudikoff, in a role that was originally intended for Chuck Norris) is a soldier of many pseudonyms and an obscure past, of which he cannot remember much as at some point he had lost his memories. However, what he remembers clearly is his martial arts skills that will help him get a lot of opponent ninja butt kicked.

During an armed hold-up and attempt kidnapping of Patricia Hickock (Judie Aronson) Joe alone manages to save the girl from the hands of evil guerillas and as much evil ninjas, which only serves to generate the awe and hatred of the master ninja (Tadashi Yamashita) who now seeks for revenge.

Produced by Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus now legendary Cannon Films, this is one of their most famous actioners, and although it wasn’t the one that kick-started the 1980s ninja craze, it was one of the pivotal films from that particular cinematic movement that crossed other markets as well.

Directed by renowned action film director Sam Fistenberg, this is as misogynist as were the 1980s, but you won’t be able to help it but feel charmed by the cheesy dialogues and the awesome ninja and shootout action (more than 110 people die onscreen).
 

July 31, 2018

Cinema Head Cheese: Podshort! - Skyscraper (2018)

Dwayne Johnson and Neve Campbell fight extortionists in the world's tallest building as it burns.

Get books, comics, graphic novels and more at bunny17media.com. Use the code CHC at checkout for 15% off your purchase!

Click here to listen or right click and choose "Save Link As..." to download.



Follow Cinema Head Cheese:
Website: cinemaheadcheese.com
Facebook: /cinemaheadcheese
Twitter: @CinHeadCheese
Email: cinemaheadcheese@yahoo.com
Instagram: abnormalpodcast
Pinterest: /abnormalpodcast/cinema-head-cheese/
RSS Feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/CinemaHeadCheese
iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cinema-head-cheese-movie-reviews-news-a-podcast-and-more/id393261942?mt=2
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=18843&refid=stpr

You can support Cinema Head Cheese and Abnormal Entertainment on our Support Us page.

July 30, 2018

Movie Review: Year of the Comet (1992)

Directed by Peter Yates

Movie review by Greg Goodsell

in•sip•id, (inˈsipid), Adjective: insipid. Lacking flavor. Synonyms: Tasteless, flavorless, bland, weak, wishy-washy; Unappetizing, unpalatable. Lacking vigor or interest. Synonyms: unimaginative, uninspired, uninspiring, characterless, flat, uninteresting, lackluster, dull, drab, boring, dry, humdrum, ho-hum, monochrome, tedious, uneventful, run-of-the-mill, commonplace, pedestrian, trite, tired, hackneyed, stale, lame, wishy-washy, colorless, anemic, lifeless

Margaret Harwood (Penelope Ann Miller) is a young, industrious wine fanatic worked to the bone by her father’s rare wine company. At an exclusive wine tasting event, she meets cute with wisecracking American wastrel Oliver Plexico (Tim Daly). Finally given the chance to prove her acumen by securing a rare, $1 million dollar bottle of wine in Scotland. As fate would have it, Plexico is assigned to be her factotum on the mission and so the chance for romantic sparks fly ever upward. Ever suave and villainous Philippe (Louis Jordan) and his henchmen want that bottle as well, and so efforts to transport the flagon hit various rough patches.

July 27, 2018

Movie Review: SHHHH (2018)

I understand the appeal of horror and comedy mashing it up. I also understand the absolute HATRED of the mixed genre, because it’s either very good or fucking awful. I’m gonna have to go with the latter for my review of this flick.

SHHHH stars James Henderson as Harris, a struggling film maker in Los Angeles (how original and unexpected.) While trying to make ends meet with his job at a crappy video store—do those still exist?—he spends most of his spare time, when not making movies, with his mom at the theater. They love to go see films together, even lesbian vampires feeling each other up and licking each other’s nipples. And while they do have fun, there’s always some asshole ruining the experience: the food wrapper crinkler, the guy on his phone the whole time, the talkers, the super tall people who sit RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU despite all the other empty seats...it’s enough to drive Harris to murder.

July 24, 2018

Cinema Head Cheese: Podshort! - GLOW: Season 2 (2018)

The Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling return in a season filled with new relationships, turmoil, and some twists and turns for our favorite wrestlers.

Get books, comics, graphic novels and more at bunny17media.com. Use the code CHC at checkout for 15% off your purchase!

Click here to listen or right click and choose "Save Link As..." to download.


Follow Cinema Head Cheese:
Website: cinemaheadcheese.com
Facebook: /cinemaheadcheese
Twitter: @CinHeadCheese
Email: cinemaheadcheese@yahoo.com
Instagram: abnormalpodcast
Pinterest: /abnormalpodcast/cinema-head-cheese/
RSS Feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/CinemaHeadCheese
iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cinema-head-cheese-movie-reviews-news-a-podcast-and-more/id393261942?mt=2
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=18843&refid=stpr

You can support Cinema Head Cheese and Abnormal Entertainment on our Support Us page.

July 20, 2018

Sci-Fi Classics Movie Reviews

I can’t believe I’ve finally made it to the bottom of the ginormous stack of DVDs that David Hayes brought me 17 years ago. Actually, it was more like two, but it felt longer. (That’s what she said.)

ANYWAY....

I’ve got some horror/sci fi classics to review for you today. The best thing about these genre films from the 50s and 60s? They’re only about an hour long! The worst thing, aside from the low budget, crappy effects, and terrible acting, is that with such a short window, most of the action/storyline is told instead of shown. Oh well. I’m willing to overlook that when you get monsters made out of yarn and cardboard boxes...

Our first film is Creature from the Haunted Sea, a 1961 beaut from Roger Corman. In Cuba, Castro has just successfully led a revolution, ousting dictator Batista. But just because they won, doesn’t mean the Revolution has any money. So, an American casino owner, Renzo Capetto, is asked to smuggle a giant box of gold out of Cuba for Castro (I’m not really clear on why, but whatever.) Capetto agrees, but only because he plans to steal it for himself.

In on the job are his gal, Mary-Belle and her brother, Happy, Jack (the guy who makes animal noises,) and Sparks (who’s actually an undercover American Agent.) General Tostada, his aide, and a bunch of Cuban soldiers are accompanying the gold so nothing happens to it on the way. Capetto decides to kill as many of the Cubans as he can on the boat ride out of Dodge, so decides to use a local legend about a sea monster as cover.

Trouble is....the monster is actually REAL!

July 4, 2018

Cinema Head Cheese: Podshort! - My Friend Dahmer (2017)

Kevin and Dalyn discuss the biopic of high schooler Jeffrey Dahmer as told by friend and graphic novel author Derf Backderf.

Get books, comics, graphic novels and more at bunny17media.com. Use the code CHC at checkout for 15% off your purchase!

Click here to listen or right click and choose "Save Link As..." to download.


Follow Cinema Head Cheese:
Website: cinemaheadcheese.com
Facebook: /cinemaheadcheese
Twitter: @CinHeadCheese
Email: cinemaheadcheese@yahoo.com
Instagram: abnormalpodcast
Pinterest: /abnormalpodcast/cinema-head-cheese/
RSS Feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/CinemaHeadCheese
iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cinema-head-cheese-movie-reviews-news-a-podcast-and-more/id393261942?mt=2
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=18843&refid=stpr

Cinema Head Cheese is sponsored by MoviePass. See unlimited movies at a theater near you for a low monthly rate.

You can support Cinema Head Cheese and Abnormal Entertainment on our Support Us page.

June 26, 2018

Movie Review: Beyond the Gates (2016; Destroy All Entertainment; Shout/Scream Factory)


…OK, then. This next beauty on the lot…just know will appeal to one’s embraced nostalgic fervor…yes indeed, my fine folks, we have this finely restored ‘80’s model…very unconventional looking, though absolutely perfect, for one who appreciates that which suggests a measure of weathered, low-brow independent sylye…as opposed to slick, polished and princely…and not-totally-abandoned-nor-forgotten obscurity, once having meandered in a bygone age of excess. Why, just look at that wildly imaginative, albeit random array of curves, corners and points…that varied and eclectic pallet of bleached, though still madly vibrant and contrasting colors, shades & hues. There’s no mistaking it…absolutely screams ‘80’s, doesn’t it?? Hell, yes…feel free to kick the tires…really, aren’t they oh-so uncompromising…so unyielding, and yet, measurably restrictive and reserved, in the sense that they know very well what they are and aren’t capable of. Oh, and by all means, please…feel free to step inside, and take a seat. Yes, take a deep and elating whiff of that interior…that distinctly familiar and provocative air of a time when opportune and spontaneous chances taken…were daring, unconventional, and oh-so imaginatively pretentious…

…it may not be an actual 80’s original, but in pulling out all of our trump cards,…dammit to all hell...uh, quite literally, that is...we’re gonna convince you that it is

…and so, considering all that…uh, do we have a deal…Hmmmmm!!! (…with widened fiery eyes, and gnarled hands wringing…over, and over, and over again…); oh yes, please think about it…

…and yes, folks...we are going someplace with this, be rest assured...heh, heh, heh...

June 24, 2018

Movie Review: Tales from the Campfire (2017; Night of Terror Films)


…ya’ know?? This able-scribing reviewer…nay, even more so, this ardent devotee of the cinema macabre and fantastique…hath seen it hundreds of times. Uh, no…not the rather cool lil’ movie, which will momentarily get a sweep of keenly focused and illuminating spotlight, herein. Rather, we’re talking the multitude of times having been in the attentive audience of special screening personal appearances, movie-based lecture events and film convention forums…the film stars, the genre writers, the directors, the filmmakers and behind-the-scenes contributors…often times, once fans themselves, and now embracing their own fans…with the unrelenting gauntlet of varied questions asked by eagerly inquisitive forum attendees…’what was it like, working with (fill in the blank)’…’how did you manage to…’…’what are (you) doing now/what are (you) doing next?’…and so on…

…and time & time again…from the more ambitious few in the audience…the same, if not similar question of ‘…if I wanted to get started, how would I get started…how could I get my stuff out there??’ And without missing a beat…to a varying degree, the seasoned response is almost always, ‘…really?? Just get out there and do itdon’t be afraid of taking the chance, given an unswerving passion, and a respectable measure of resources…even the smallest and unpolished projects, given one’s heart and passion, may be well enough to get the ball rolling…even towards something bigger…’…or well, something along those lines…

June 10, 2018

Movie Review: 21st Century Serial Killer (2013)

Holy shit, folks. A Chemical Burn Entertainment film that DIDN’T make me want to vomit, take a cat-o-nine tails to my back before swimming through an Olympic-sized pool filled with lemon juice, or gouge out my own eyes? Did...did the apocalypse happen? Has everyone been raptured and I missed it?

I DON’T KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE!!!

21stCentury Serial Killer is about Aaron, a milquetoast every guy who has a big dream -  to be a serial killer. Mostly it’s about being famous, being remembered. He tries to emulate some of the greats - Gacy, Bundy, Son of Sam - but there’s just one problem. He can’t even kill a fly, let alone a human being.

Eventually he meets a girl, settles down, and begins the routine life of a Post Office employee. While he still struggles with his murderous desires, a real serial killer is plaguing his town. With everything he’s studied over the years, Aaron tracks the killer before the cops catch him. Their chance meeting sets Aaron on the path to his dreams.

May 9, 2018

Movie Review: Terrifier (2016; Epic Pictures/Dread Central)


 …man, for the life of this reviewer…can’t understand what it is about clowns of late, that get the average folks out there, so damned riled up, unnerved and chilled to the bone. Really…just because a wayward, pasty-faced clown with crusty-stained dental work, bent into an evilly gleeful grimace, and carrying a loaded lawn-sized trash bag, loaded with gawd-knows-what, stands & stares intently and motionless on the corner…street light flicker, barely illuminating his ghastly visage…doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s about to get…er, naughty

…just because our hapless and merry fellow, decked out and dressed in oversized mud-crusted shoes, a saggy, jester-like & color-contrasting get-up, and a teeny-tiny black Oliver Hardy bowler hat, steps in, sits down across…speechlessly staring, and smiling with glistening, blackened lips…then without warning, reaches over, grabs your hand, and places a costume vending machine ring on your ring finger, as if to propose…doesn’t exactly make him an unnerving, smiley pervert…