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June 5, 2013

Movie Review: Things (1989)

Severin Films’ even more eclectic label Intervision has shown some consistency on the unpredictability of their title choices. Case in point, Barry J. Gillis’ and Andrew Jordan's mind-numbingly ridiculuous Things. If you have yet to see Things, it really is kind of crazy and shockingly amusing in a Tommy Wiseau's The Room kind of way. Ironically Severin’s release  of Birdemic has been labeled The Room for the horror crowd. As a big fan of The Room, this little Canadian number feels a lot closer, and just as inept.
Don Drake (Barry J. Gillis) and Fred Horton (Bruce Roach) are a couple of beer chugging hosers hanging out in a house that’s infested with mutated ants that look sort of like the spawn creatures from The Deadly Spawn.  Sounds like a fun creature? Well, after what seems to be an hour of beer drinking, watching TV and putting bugs in each others sandwiches we eventually get to see them. Yes, it's a slow burn, much like the clap. Things can be incredibly tedious at times with so much lame padding, after a while though it grows on you.

The big selling point upon release of this atrocity had to be the inclusion of porn star Amber Lynn. Lynn plays a news reporter that pops on every so often in between the boys hijinks. No she does not get naked, but she is fun to watch as she reads her cue cards ..badly.  Things has some super cheesy gore. In one scene it looked like Spencers Gifts threw up with the shitty array of rubber heads, hands and fake blood that were all over the house. It turns out pretty funny. In the end, the editing, inconsistent lighting and out of sync dialougue is going to generate the most attention by viewers as it’s way off.
Intervision has packed a ton of extras that include a couple of commentarys, behind the scenes and even some interviews with fans of Things. Fellow Canadian Jason Eisnener (Hobo with a Shotgun) gives a very enjoyable take on why he loves the film. Tobe Hooper (Funhouse, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre) is shown a video of the trailer by director Andrew Jordan and keeps repeating “far out”. Some really fun stuff.

Things isn’t for everybody but if you enjoy the output of Mystery Science Theater 3000 or just like amusing bad films in general you’ll need to give Things a shot.

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