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January 30, 2009

David Hayes

Bio by Kevin Moyers

From deep in the woods of Michigan, David Hayes was an anomaly from the start. Sometime in the early 1970s, a young Mrs. Hayes birthed the 27 pound boy and his 6 pound conjoined twin brother. David's mother still holds the longest c-section scar on record, reaching from kidney to kidney. As David grew, he developed a penchant for horror films, KISS and classic Russian ballet. Realizing that he'd never fit into his fairy princess tutu with his twin still attached, David gnawed him loose and attempted to eat him. The twin narrowly escaped and was raised by a roving band of dentists, which he later mercilessly slew. He now resides in Joliet prison under the name Hayden Davis. David took to his love of performing like a walrus takes to Olympic curling. He is responsible for many cult films including Blood Moon Rising, Vampegeddon, Return to Yucca Flats and Blown. He reunited with Hayden to write a comprehensive look at the books of Ed Wood entitled Muddled Mind. He apologizes for nothing. NOTHING!

Read David's Columns

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