...in our childhood, we all had hamsters, at one time or another, right?? Cute little buggers, weren't they?? Running around their little cage, grabbing a glug of water over here...occasionally stopping nervously, to see who's looking...snagging a little morsel of food over there...again, stopping and looking around...maybe even, just to show off, grabbing more morsels of food, and stuffing it in their cheeks, until they look like furry little roadsters (...always good for a little chuckle). And then, they scurry over, climb up on the wheel, and away they go, go, go. And after the novelty wears off, one cannot help but watch that cute little rodent, working that wheel with great vigor, and wonder...does it know that it's putting out all that effort, and not really going any place?? And we watch...and watch...and watch...possibly even fantasizing that the little bugger, all too well knowing that it has our full attention, will suddenly dismount the wheel, quickly don a top hat & cane, and break into an impromptu well-choreographed and animated Busby Berkley number, a la Michigan J. Frog. But then, reality hits, and we come to realize that, yes...that spry little hamster is just gonna continue going round, and round, and round...and getting nowhere. Alas, that is the relevation which most will resign themselves to, after engaging the ho-hum, beat-by-beat, by-the-numbers slasher-film throwback, "Camp Blood: First Slaughter"...a lackluster follow-up to a rather surprisingly successful and prolific micro-budgeted, direct-to-video horror film franchise...
...spontaneous, on-the-spot video interviews kick things into gear, as the thoughts, opinions and suspicions of several of the local townspeople exude the local legend of a sinister killer clown, who has menaced the surrounding area, for years now...his reign of terror, having never really seen a conclusive end. Switch over to our intrepid psycho killer clown, stalking an unwary houseboat couple...stalking...stalking...stalking...almost on top of them...and the razor-sharp instrument of death is raised, bent on striking for the kill, and...BAM!!! Another masked killer...less clown-like, and much more monstrous looking...quickly intervenes, bloodily dispatching not only the terrified couple, but also, the fabled killer clown, itself...
...Professor Mallory, of the local college campus, proposes a most interesting and intriguing assignment for her eager young class; with the fascinating subject of urban legends in mind, she tasks them with finding the truth behind the town's legend, regarding the homicidal killer clown...it is real, or is it the bunk?? And so, with backpacks slung, and curiosity leading the way, the unwary young students make their way towards the famed wooded area, where the deaths had been reported to have taken place, and...FLASH!!! Breaking News!!! College students mysteriously disappear while hiking in the local woods, reportedly where a large number of gruesome and bloody deaths have taken place, over a number of years. Aside from their scattered camping gear, strewn amidst a trail of blood, the only other thing recovered, was their video equipment, which they were using to document their trip. Did the kids manage to film their investigative study, and as the result, their final fatal moments?? Did they indeed find the answers, which they were searching for...the truth behind the legend of the killer clown?? Or is there something much more horrible out there, deep in the woods?? Uh, does anyone really care??...
...and so, in making minimal progress...or in this case, minimal appeal...with maximum effort, what exactly do we have, here?? Basically, it's 'Friday the 13th/Don't Go in the Woods', by way of 'The Blair Witch Project' (...or if one really wants to go back to the origins of the 'found footage' horror sub-genre, think more 'Cannibal Holocaust'), without all the prerequisite thrills, campiness and titillation, one might expect from a film that hearkens back to a more nostalgically visceral and graphic brand of horror film. Heck, even with a familiar term like 'Camp Blood' in the title, one would hope that the film would, at least in some small way, afford the viewer a deftly applied (...severed) tongue-in-cheek 'wink' wink' to the old-school 'splatter' films of the late '70's & early '80's, as was done with recent films, like "Hatchet" or "Wrong Turn"; but no..."Camp Blood: First Slaughter", although indeed possessing the bare-bones foundation of a classic splatter film, still perpetually manages to miss the expected beats of said classic splatter film, nor...despite the occasional attempt to cleverly twist and turn...and offers to add little, if anything, that's inventive, clever or new to the genre...
...admittedly, the overall performances by the young cast, is typical of horror films of this ilk...quite expectedly substandard; however, even in higher profile films, of which this one strives feebly to emulate, there's at least the occasional colorful and memorable character, despite the substandardness of the acting. Regrettably, "Camp Blood: First Slaughter" doesn't even offer this opportunity. There is an attempt to render some fairly respectable gore and make-up effects, on a practical level; however, in trying to meld the practical and mechanical effects, with some pretty miserable-looking CGI splatter, the overall effect is rendered ineffectual and cartoonish...
...interestingly, albeit curiously enough, in taking up the directorial reins of the franchise, with "Camp Blood: First Slaughter" (...alternately known as "Camp Blood 3"), from low-budget schlock-maker Brad Sykes...who helmed the previous (...and much more fun) 'Camp Blood' films, writer and filmmaker Mark Polonia...hardly a stranger to the genre, having previously directed the pat mid-'80's splatter entry, "Splatter Farm"...seems to have forgotten that there had already been a 'part three' to the film series, with 2005's "Within the Woods". Nonetheless (...sigh), thy will be done, as far as the rendering of "Camp Blood: First Slaughter"...itself, much like a 'body snatcher', seemingly not that far removed from it's predecessors, as far as unmistakable first-glance foundation...but once one looks closer, it's a mindless, featureless, monotone and underdeveloped clone; in fact, this viewer cannot help but recall what actor R. Lee Ermey was describing, when he said in that movie, "...it looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ***, and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress!!" Hey, let it not be said that I don't calls 'em as I sees 'em, right??.....
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