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November 5, 2010

Eats & Drinks Review: Trough of Gluttony

I live near a Taco Bell. This is not good. When I don't feel like cooking, my fridge is bare or I want a quick meal, I have an awful fast food option. One of my favorite things over the past few years, though I rarely order it for some reason, has been the chalupa. The deep fried fluffy shell is the only thing that sets it apart from a regular taco. Other than that, you do have your choice of styles, like supreme, which is the same as a supreme taco, or baja, which just has some odd looking sauce thrown on it. Apparently, this wasn't good enough for our friends at the fast food border.

Recently, Taco Bell revealed the mother of all chalupas. It's not the large or extra large version. It is the XXL. That's right, if it bought a t-shirt, it would have to pay an extra three bucks. The shell is shaped like a trough and filled with a hefty amount of beef. It's topped with three cheeses, nacho cheese sauce, salsa, tortilla strips (which the official website calls "red strips") and the kicker of all kickers, reduced-fat sour cream. Thank goodness for that reduced-fat sour cream, or I might feel bad about myself after eating this abomination of processed foodstuffs. It's bad enough that at 650 calories, three of these would just about eat up your daily recommended total. Let's not forget the 1300 grams of sodium, which isn't great for a guy that's suffered from kidney stones since age nineteen.

The XXL Chalupa follows a horrifying trend in fast food. At one point, right after Super Size Me hit theaters, fast food chains started cleaning up their acts. Only a few years later, they've thrown it into reversed and slammed on the gas pedal. The Baconator is the giant bacon covered burger you'll find at Wendy's, and you can get as big as a triple. Burger King went as far as the Triple Whopper in recent years. The most famous recent dietary disaster was the KFC Double Down, which was a sandwich made of two chicken breasts instead of a bun, bacon, cheese and an indefinable sauce. Eating one made you feel like you devoured a whole chicken, and it blew you past the 2000 calorie mark once you added a side and a giant drink. Not good.

The worst part is that when I finished my XXL today for the second time in a week (don't judge me, I'm a thorough reviewer), I immediately wanted another. I don't understand why, but the damned thing is delicious. I'll admit it. I'll probably eat it again. I'll feel like shit afterward, like I did today, but I do it for the during. That's when the warm chalupa goodness has me hypnotized. I can't wait for the new chalupa bucket.

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