Movie Review: The Big Tits Zombie (2010)

Directed by Takao Nakano

Starring Sora Aoi, Mari Sakurai and Risa Sakurai

In the mood for some low-budget, D-movie Asian schlock? Well, step right up my friend. As long as your expectations don't run too high you may get a kick out of the Big Tit Zombies.

Buy The Big Tits Zombie on DVD

The story surrounds a group of strippers who look as if they spend their time locked in a dressing room and only allowed out when its time to go on stage. During a cat-fight in their room they inadvertently knock over some box's and discover a hidden door which leads them to a basement where they find some type of necronomicon book. Which of coarse one of the girls reads from and releases a horde of zombies which always seem to appear from nowhere. One of the girls learns how to control the zombies from reading passages from the book and decides to become a villain, a couple of the girls are killed and we are left with the last 2 strippers who become zombie slayers. Pretty standard stuff as far as non-existent plots go.

THE GOOD: Our 2 heroines are both smoking hot. (Sora Aoi & Risa Kasuma). If your idea of fun is watching Asian girls in high-heeled, knee-high vinyl boots, short-shorts, bikini tops, dog collars and sombrero's, wielding chainsaws and samurai swords, then get on the bus and find a seat. The only scene of note though, was the one in which the older matriarch stripper is bitten and turned into a zombie, she bends over into a back-flip position and exposes her vagina which has suddenly grown teeth and decided to start breathing fire. Interesting, if not short-lived. (Too bad the rest of the movie wasn't as good as this scene).

THE BAD: I am sure I probably missed some of the back-story in this, owing to the fact that the version I watched was dubbed in German, which actually lent a whole other level of oddness to this one for me, seeing these petite Asian girls speaking in thick, guttural German accents. It was weird, but kind of added to the overall goofiness of the movie. The tits.....where the hell were the tits I was promised in the title? Understandably I was quite upset over this little detail. We get a cat-fight scene about a third of the way in, between 2 strippers and get maybe 5-10 seconds of topless nudity. Nice tits? Yes they were, but big tits? Uhh....no. Second and last topless scene we get is near the end during a fight scene between our 2 lovelies and a pack of zombies. One of the zombies has the common sense to rip the tops off of our girls but pays for this by getting beheaded (way to take one for the team!) We reap the rewards by being treated to a shot of their bare breasts being showered in zombie blood. Awesome, but also much too short of a scene.

THE UGLY: All of the sword and chainsaw kill effects were done in poor CGI, and not just poor CGI but lazy CGI. Where the effect cuts out before the scene does, for example, zombie gets a chainsaw across the chest, a quick CGI blood explosion appears but disappears before the victim hits the ground, showing a zombie with no chainsaw wound hit the floor.

The make-up effects were just plain silly, lots of rubber severed heads and hands with the climax of goofiness being the scene involving a zombie stripper walking towards the camera, her intestines stretching out and her head levitating above her neck, with the strings holding all this up clearly visible. This was one of the scenes shot in 3-D. Oh did I forget to mention some the movie is shot in 3-D? Don't worry about it, its not that big a deal. Unless you happen to have a pair of those cheap paper 3-D glasses from the 50's laying around it wouldnt matter anyways.

This film was a little bit of good, a whole lot of bad, and at times just plain unwatchable. But in spite of that, I still kind of liked it. Viva La Crap!!!

Score it 5 out of 10

Reviewed by KennyB