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January 17, 2012

Movie Review: Santa Claus vs. The Zombies (2010)

Directed by George Bonilla

Starring Billy Blackwell, Alex Del Monacco and Cassidy Rae Owens

Santa Claus Versus the Zombies tells the story of a suburban family that finds themselves barricaded in their house following the outbreak of the Zombie plague. Along for the ride are a couple of elves and an actor that just might be the real Santa Claus. In the meantime, the President and his military advisers are holed up in a bunker feverishly trying to hatch a plan to rescue Santa and the desperate family. Oh brother...

Buy Santa Claus vs. The Zombies on DVD

Let me be the first to admit, I am a huge zombie fan and am always on the lookout for new and different styles of zombie movies that try to break the common mold of the average zombie flick. So when I saw this I held out hope it might just be one of those hidden gems. I had visions of sugar plumb ferries and axe wielding Santa's dancing in my head, undead reindeer running amok & fiendish elves devouring the living. Unfortunately it only took about 5 minutes for me to realize that this movie not only wasn't good but was probably the worst zombie movie I'd ever seen. (You hear that Lou Diamond Phillips and Route 666? You are officially off the hook.)

You will find this movie listed as a comedy/horror but let me assure you my young Padawans, it is completely devoid of either of these elements. In fact, the build up to the zombies was so long and tedious I find it hard to envision anyone lasting long enough to see them before hitting the eject button and using this DVD to play Frisbee golf with the kitchen trashcan. If however you do make it past this first obstacle you will be rewarded (punished) with the most unbelievably bargain-basement looking undead ever put to film, and to be perfectly blunt....the zombies in Santa Claus vs The Zombies are FUCKING RETARDED. The movie is fraught with excruciatingly long and pointless dialogs that are sure to test your endurance as a movie fan. The violence is G-rated (how is that even possible?), and don't expect any blood, because there's none to be had. So, if its not a horror movie and its not a comedy (by virtue of not being funny) then what exactly is this movie? The answer is....I have no fucking clue.

This is the kind of B-movie that gives bad movies a bad name. But its not the budget that makes this movie suck out loud, its a total failure due to the horrible plot, anger-inducing acting, zero effort on the effects and horrible pacing. I am sure by now your thinking, “Wow, this guys a dick, doesn't he have anything nice to say?” Well, actually the answer is yes, I did like the festive holiday style DVD case, it made me want to drink egg-nog and eat a candy-cane.....unfortunately, after watching Santa Claus vs The Zombies, I wanted to plunge that candy-cane into my ear hole in a desperate attempt to remove this movie from my memory.

I score it 1 out of 10 (the 1 point being earned by way of a pretty decent looking DVD case)
Reviewed by KennyB

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