...ya' know?? For years, "Motel Hell" was a sort of a flavor-of-the-moment 'holy grail' film, for this ardent fright film fan. It was 1980...the year that this viewer 'crossed over', having just turned 17, and now able to, at least legally, partake in 'R' rated film fare, all by my butt-squirmin', horror-movie-lovin' lonesome. That year, of course, was overwhelmingly dominated by the splatter classic, "Friday the 13th", which was hacking and slashing it's way through enormously huge box office bank, much to the dismay of countless distractor critic reviews. For this undiscriminating genre lover, who had always kept a constant finger on the pulse of horror films, via magazines and TV snippets, even at a young age (...uh, without the aid of internet, might I add), this little upcoming, mad-looking oddity, called "Motel Hell", seemed right up my alley. Articles in Famous Monsters of Filmland and Fangoria, whetted my appetite for the film...a panning review of the film, offer by stuck-up critics Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert, on their then-relegated-to-PBS 'Sneak Previews' show, only goaded me on, as far as seeking the film out...and a lovingly displayed movie poster of the film, hung up on the wall in my bedroom...scrounged up by my dad, who serviced a number of the local L.A.-based movie distributors at the time, only served to stir my imagination, as to what I might expect from the film, and at the same time, agitated my fearful sense of anticipation, whereby I would daringly ask myself, "...do I really want to see this??" Uh, dumb question...
......it's late, and Vincent Smith...a middle-aged farmer, juggling a renowned and successful smoked meat business, along with a roadside hotel... is restless. Finally, he gets up out of the rocker, seated on the hotel manager's porch, and giving the neon hotel sign the stinkeye (..."...damn flickering second 'O', in 'Motel Hello's got a dang short...gonna have to fix that...people liable ta' think that..."...), Vincent shrugs his shoulders, goes inside the office, grabs his hunting rifle, fires up the pick-up truck, and barrels down the road. Pulling off to the side, turning off the truck lights, and finding a hidden, inconspicuous spot, he looks across the dark fields, barely lit by the moonlight, and...Wait!! What's that, up ahead?? Taking careful aim, Vincent fires off a couple shots...
...moments later, Vincent pulls the truck over, when he sees what looks like a motorcycle accident; checking to make sure that there's no cross traffic in the area, he loads up the leather-clad riders, in the back of the truck...a young guy, and a young gal. The guy appears stone-cold unconscious, but the gal...Whoa!! She's beginning to come to...gotta hurry...gotta get them back to the farm. Before returning to the hotel, Vincent takes a back road, to a dark, hidden and secluded patch of heavy growth, with a strange, eerie humming, coming from within; unloading the truck of some of it's contents, and unlocking the ivy-covered gate, he goes inside...rustles around for a bit, comes back out, locks things up again, and drives off, heading toward the hotel...
...the next morning, Terry wakes up in a comfortable bed, though quite unfamiliar, as to where she is; it is then that she meets Vincent, as well as his rather rotund sister, Ida, who both breathe a sigh of relief, at her recovery. Vincent tells her that he found her unconscious, after what appears to be a nasty motorcycle accident, and that her riding companion had died, as the result of the crash. Vincent's younger brother, Bruce...the posted sheriff in the area, and called to the hotel...checks in on Terry, and Vincent takes them both out to the local cemetery, and shows them the grave marker, bearing the name of Terry's 'deceased' boyfriend. Upset, and yet uncertain as to what's going to happen to her, next, Terry asks to stay with Vincent and Ida, and help around the hotel. Vincent agrees, with much enthusiasm; however, Ida...
well.....
...with Vincent's love-struck smitten promise of showing Terry the secrets of how and why his meats are so popular, and oh-so delicious, Terry naively sticks around...much to the dismay of Ida...who sees Terry as an unwanted interloper...and Sheriff Bruce, who also has his romantic sightings on Terry. And as the days turn into weeks, more people mysteriously disappear (...including that wretched snoopy local livestock inspector, who begins to suspect something amiss, about the farm), and more unwarily happy visitors to the hotel, are sent off by Vincent and Ida, with armfuls of that irresistible smoked meat. What exactly is Farmer Vincent's sinister secret?? Where do Vincent and Ida disappear to, at night, when they head off to the outskirts of the farm?? What does the future hold for Terry, who remains naively blind to the sinister proceedings, about her, despite warnings?? And what horrifying doings lies beyond the locked gates of the hidden patch of massive walls of shrubbery, tucked suspiciously adjacent to the farm??...
...oh, how this viewer misses those good ol' days of horror comics...eagerly relishing each and every ink-stained page of rags, like 'Eerie', 'Creepy', 'Scary Tales", and the like (...regrettably, the original "Tales from the Crypt", "Vault of Horror", "Weird Science", and the rest of the EC bunch, were just a bit before my time). Strange, macabre and horrifying things...or rather, 'things' invaded rural Americana, and parts unknown, past and present...the truly innocent never really got caught up in these macabre proceedings, or were too naive to take notice...the overly curious, and dabblers of the unknown & forbidden, usually fell victim to the old adage, 'be careful what you wish for'...and the evil, corrupt, unscrupulous and villainous almost always got their comeuppance, in the end. And with the final anthology film of Britain's Amicus Studios...who's deliciously macabre films, almost always took favor and inspiration from the classic EC Comics...seeing release in 1980 (...i.e., "The Monster Club"), and the EC Comic-inspired, George Romero/Stephen King tag-team production of "Creepshow", a mere two years away, it was "Motel Hell", that took the ball and ran with it, as far as gleefully emulating the (...severed) tongue-in-cheek, dark-humored flavor of those yesteryear horror comics...
...cleverly & able-mindedly taking 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre', and a pinch of 'Psycho', as inspirational springboards, director Kevin Conner...who ironically 'cut his teeth' in the genre, early in his filmmaking career, with classic Amicus productions, like 1975's "The Land That Time Forgot", it's 1977 follow-up, "The People That Time Forgot", as well as one of the Amicus' more flavorful horror anthologies, 1973's "From Beyond the Grave"...clearly makes a more than respectable effort in capturing the EC Comic fervor, with "Motel Hell". Creepy, flickering neon brilliance. Campy entanglements, with equally campy dialogue, to match. A level of dark humor, demented and twisted enough to have one laughing one's way into the nearest asylum. And some of the most deliciously diabolical characters, to ever grace the horror genre...
...veteran actor Rory Calhoun...a renowned screen performer, with a 50 year-plus film career, seemingly dedicated to a particular niche of all-encompassing film category, known as the 'almost-classic'...is oh-so creepy and delectably devious, as ol' Farmer Vincent...a down-home, hick Southern gentleman type, with a mental mindstay...coupled with a shiver-inducing smile...needled several marks past the level of 'downright batshit crazy'...a level of crazy, tempered only by his devoted and dedicated 'service' to his fellow man (...uh, what's one of the classic lines in the film?? "...meat is meat, and a man's gotta eat!!"). Vincent's portly, pig-tailed, strong-as-an-ox sister, Ida...as devilishly portrayed by character actor Nancy Parsons (...to be soon better known as 'Miss Balbricker', in the romping teen-sex comedy from 1982, "Porky's", as well as the film's subsequent sequels) might well be considered a poster child for what would one day be monikered ADHD, but on a more deviantly evil level; giddy, happy-go-lucky and child-like, one moment, it doesn't take a whole lot for Ida to snap, do a complete 180-degree turnaround, and homicidally glare at what's troubling her...an evil and sinister stare, almost capable of tearing one's heart from one's chest, as readily as if she could do it with her bare hands. Willingly resigned to being Vincent's loyal business 'partner', she finds that position threatened by an invader...as pretty, naïve, attractive & alluring to Vincent, as that invader proves to be...and dag-nab-it, Ida'll be damned to all hellfire and brimstone, if she'll have any of that...
...and that pretty , albeit naïve distraction?? Then-actress, and now-casting director Nina Axelrod...one of those actors/actresses whom most people kinda remember, but can't place a name to the face...plays the role of Terry, as a sort of woman of the times...emancipated and liberated, but naïve and far too accepting of her situation, not unlike having blinders on. And if Vincent's faux (?)wooing of Terry proves complicated enough, there's the competitive advances of Vincent's bumbling younger brother, Bruce; actor Paul Linke...best known for playing the equally bumbling motorcycle cop, Grossman, in the entire multi-season run of the hit TV series, "CHiPS"...instills a humorously misfit, faux authoritative and wholly bumbling fervor into this unlikely hero, who...unbeknownst to him...has, for years, reaped the tasty rewards of his entrepreneur brother, without knowing the
true, gruesome nature of the...of the...well, of the 'product'. Imagine
his surprise, when he finds out that...
...and yes, for the benefit of those who have yet to experience the gleeful horrors, which make up the proceedings in "Motel Hell", this viewer has been deftly hinting at from certain explicit payoff moments, which, let's face it, have to be seen, to be believed...the pig masks...the chainsaw battles...the rather unique, psychotronic and psychedelic way that Vincent and Ida...uh, 'service' their 'livestock'. And the fine folks over at Scream Factory have poured all of this into a kickass celebrative Blu-Ray/DVD combo, which includes some great nostalgic and reflective commentary & interviews by director Kevin Conner, writers Steven & Robert Jaffe, and actors Paul Linke & Rosanne Katon; given also the prerequisite trailers of the film, the discs also singularly spotlights the deliciously infamous Ida Smith character, which...let's face it...almost
steals the show, in the film...
...with surprise appearances by rock 'n' roll radio DJ and celebrity Wolfman Jack, as well as...good gawd!! Is
that...is
that John 'Cheers' Ratzenberger??...a visit, or perhaps re-visit to this particular hotel may well prove an ideal respite from the urban hustle-bustle. So, come on over...check in...rest yourself, for a spell...kick back and have a tasty treat. Just be assured of two things: either you're gonna walk away with some of the most delicious smoked meat, this side of Jimmy Dean...or you may well find yourself buried neck deep in...and well, on the recipient sharp end of...of...uh, let's face it: it's
does takes all critters, to make Farmer Vincent Fritters, right??.....
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