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December 22, 2016

Silent Night, Deadly Night Series Review: Part 3

Okay. I'm more than halfway through this series now. Just two more to go. Somehow...that's not very comforting right now. Someone slap the shit out of me the next time I come up with another brilliant idea like this.

Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out (really?) at least begins with an interesting premise. Dr. Newbury is performing a dream study with a blind woman, Laura. May not seem all that unusual but here’s the twist - she’s psychic and the doc wants to see if she can link up with the comatose patient in the next room. Which happens to be our psycho from part 2, Ricky.

You may be wondering why he has a clear Tupperware bowl in place of a skull on his head (I know I was). Apparently after the shootout at the end of 2, they blew half his head off and had to reconstruct his brain. 

Um….no they didn’t. I just watched that fucking movie and that didn’t happen. But the writers needed a way to explain how the doctors had to restart his memories and give him an opening to link up with a psychic. 

Continuity, schmontinuity.

Laura does link up with Ricky though all the tells the doctor is that she just doesn’t want to do this anymore. He already knows, of course, so he uses reverse psychology on her to get her to keep going and OMG THERE’S MORE FUCKING CLIPS FROM THE FIRST MOVIE!!

She falls for it, naturally. But right now it’s time for her brother, Chris, to come get her so they can go up to Granny’s house for a lovely Christmas visit, stopping to get his girlfriend on the way. Laura is a total bitch toward her but that’s gonna be the least of their worries right now. Ricky soon wakes up and because of the link, he knows where Laura is going. And though he’s hitchhiking and murdering on the way, he somehow beats the trio up there.

Now Laura must come face to face with this deranged killer.

Lordy this movie was boring. To be fair I just watched it on Saturday, which is what gave me the idea to review all 5 films. But still…halfway through I kind of stopped caring what happened to anyone.

Aside from a couple very well known actors in this (Richard Beymar, Robert Culp - and they weren’t that great) the acting is horrific. The writing is worse. Even with the lack of story continuity, characters just seem to conveniently forget things until the plot, such as it is, required them to remember. None of the characters are all that sympathetic either which would explain why I didn’t give a flying fuck about any of them. 

And what the fuck is up with that final closing shot? Ricky, in a tux but still with that Pyrex contraption on his head, wishing us all a happy new year? WHAT THE HELL?

That’s it. I don’t wanna talk about this movie anymore. It blows. End of story.

0 Hatchets (out of 5)

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