Movie Review: The Wrong House (2010)

The selling points of this movie are, in order: It was made in Maine and it was self-financed, as proudly displayed across the back of the DVD slipcase. When I see those two things, though, I just cringe. Replace Maine with Illinois and you have just detailed the first quarter of my not-so-brilliant film career. I shuddered as I placed the disc in the player knowing full well what I was getting myself into. Perusing the box even further, I notice that one of our bad guy villains is also the writer/director, Shawn French. Tickle me pink, what a surprise! We all know just how effective writer/director/stars are, especially in the schlock horror world, and this should be a treat. A retina-destroying, ear bleeding treat… but a treat nonetheless. Little did I know how right I was about The Wrong House.

Buy The Wrong House on DVD!

Movie Review: Slasher (2010)

By Heather Henshaw

Director: Frank W. Montag

Writers: Jörn Döring & Frank W. Montag

With a name like Slasher you would think kids running through the woods being killed off by a masked maniac. Well guess what? Ding, ding, ding you would be correct! It is the same tiresome plot that we have seen a million times before from a million different companies. I usually think German cinema is really impressive but, to me, this was just your everyday run of the mill hack and slash.

Buy Slasher on DVD!

Movie Review: Gold (1968)

Directors: Bill Deslodge and Bob Levis
Stars: Del Clos, Gary Goodrow, Caroline Parr, Sam Ridge, Orville Schell and Dorothy Schmidt

Buy Gold on DVD

I was born in England in 1971 so attempting to fathom what was happening in America in 1968 is an impossible task for me. I know enough to know that to understand it you had to have been there, but if you were there you were probably so stoned out of your brain that you didn't notice. I understand a bit more of what was happening to American cinema at the same time: as much change on the screen as was happening off it. The studio monopoly had been dealt a death blow in 1948 and finally rolled over in the mid fifties. The Production Code they adhered to was slowly weakened throughout the sixties until being officially abandoned in 1968. For the next few years the heads of the big studios freely admitted that they didn't have a clue what people wanted any more and, after Easy Rider, just threw money at anyone who seemed like they might have a clue. Most didn't. It wasn't until Jaws gave birth to the blockbuster that things fell back into place.

Ron Atkins' Mutiliation Mile Available!

Movie Review: The Shortcut (2009)

Right off the bat, everything done in this movie has been done before. In effect, the filmmakers took a ‘shortcut’ while making The Shortcut. Sorry, I had to say that but it doesn’t mean I’m lying! Take one part new kids in town, one part hot cheerleader type and one part old town legend, that absolutely no one has followed up on until the new kids move there, and you have The Shortcut. The cast of young actors is solid as are the production values, but, overall, The Shortcut is a pretty big waste of time and you should probably go the long way… again, I apologize. I can’t help it. There should be small town legends about bad movies about small town legends. Like if you watch the DVD you have to graduate from high school and never leave. You could be forced into becoming a body shop mechanic or impregnated by a body shop mechanic. It would be like one of Dante’s rings of hell… only meaner.

Buy The Shortcut on DVD and Blu-ray!

Movie Review: A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

Well, it’s official. We are in remake hell. I really, really wanted this to be good. It had everything going for it. Competently made, good budget, Jackie Earle Haley (who’s turn as Rorschach in The Watchmen was wonderful) but in viewing A Nightmare on Elm Street a few great truths were revealed to me. 1) Mainstream horror is no longer made for people like me and 2) Modern audiences are stupid. I will go into much further detail on both of these items as we progress, much to the chagrin of you, gentle reader, but this is something we need to talk about. A Nightmare on Elm Street scared the proverbial crap out of me in 1984. Wes Craven devised a character that we, physically, could not escape from. There was no solace to be found one town over, or by making it to dawn or by escaping the campground. Freddy Krueger could kill us in our sleep… and he enjoyed it. Take that same premise and update it 26 years later and what we’re left with is an overwrought story and an underutilized mood. Remove iconic horror film characters out of the equation and, even then, A Nightmare on Elm Street remains uninspired and flat stealing the best elements out of the original and slapping them on a green screen. Hold on to your fedoras, because this could be a bumpy ride.

Buy A Nightmare on Elm Street on Blu-Ray!

Beyond Silent Bob

Kevin Smith (left) with lifelong sidekick Jason Mewes

Kevin Smith is known for changing the independent film world. Nobody can deny that. With a meager budget by Hollywood standards, Smith and his producing partner Scott Mosier created a cult classic with a handful of unknown actors and a convenience store in New Jersey. With five follow-up films, comic books, an action figure line and a prime time cartoon series behind them, it seems that the Clerks crew may have run its course. But where else can Kevin Smith go?

Find Kevin Smith on Amazon.com

While Jay and Silent Bob seem to be his eternal legacy, Kevin Smith is quietly taking on more than most people could handle.

Brain Farts: Now $5 Off!

It's like that book you read when you were a kid. You know, the one with Grover in it. I think it was called, The Monster at the End of This Book. Remember it? With every page you keep thinking, "I know it's just going to be Grover at the end, but it might be Cookie Monster or Harry Monster or even Telly! Oh, do I hope it's Telly!" Well, guess what? It's just stupid Grover! With every page they dupe you into reading on and on. That's kinda what this is going to be like. By the end you'll think to yourself, "That son of a gun! He sucked me in!" That's kinda what I hope happens in this collection of essays, blogs and letters.

Buy Brain Farts now and save $5!

This is a deal among deals. Many months of blood, sweat and keystrokes went into my first book, and I am very proud of it. I think it's the best piece of entertainment that I've ever produced. If you like Cinema Head Cheese, which you know you do, pick up a copy or two. Stuff one in a stocking, slide one under the menorah and do whatever you do for Kwanzaa. Whatever you do, just buy it and enjoy. It's a great way to support us and our site.

The Movie Burrito: Volume 7 - Full Moon Fever

This edition of Cinema Head Cheese's Movie Burrito covers some new releases from Full Moon Features, Echo Bridge Entertainment, Cinema Epoch and Subrosa.

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There’s going to be one name consistently mentioned on this helping of Cinema Head Cheese’s Movie Burrito: Charles Band. First up , we have two budget packs from Echo Bridge in conjunction with Full Moon Features: one consisting of Gingerdead Man and Gingerdead Man II:The Passion of the Crust and the other a triple-feature showcasing Full Moon classics, Dollman, Demonic Toys and Dollman Vs. The Demonic Toys. Gingerdead Man is a much like Child's Play but instead of the immense talents of Brad Dourif you have...well..Gary Busey.

Buy The Gingerdead Man Double Feature on DVD

Blood Fare Starring Gil Gerard Coming Soon!

From Apotheosis PR comes this little tidbit about the Civil War horror film, Blood Fare starring Gil Gerard! Check out the trailer below.

“Blood Fare” is a Civil War ghost story with a modern twist, by J.A. Steel and Co-Producer Christian K. Koch. It is the tale of Corporal Henry Trout (S. Edward Meek - “Wild Stallion”), who in 1861 fought valiantly in a forgotten skirmish after the first battle of Bull Run. 150 years later, he will come face to face with his descendants as the battle for blood continues on a haunted battlefield. Tyler (Brandi Lynn Anderson from the upcoming Syfy original series “ZEROS”) and her brother Chad (Adrian West), Henry's fifth generation grandchildren, will challenge the very legend of Charon the Ferryman, as the lines between the living and the dead become blurred.

First Annual Horrible Imaginings Film Festival

On Saturday, November 6th, I was fortunate enough to attend the First Annual Horrible Imaginings Film Festival. It is, I believe, the first horror film festival in the city of San Diego; and here's hoping it happens every year.

Visit The Horrible Imaginings Website today!

Miguel Rodriguez is a newcomer to the city, but he's managed to do in two months what others have tried for years and failed to accomplish, and for that, the fans thank him. And there were plenty of fans there to enjoy the varied selection of micro- and moderate-budget shorts and features; some older films and some newer ones. The 10th Avenue Theater & Arts Center building downtown was the perfect venue. The lobby was decorated with various horror props, including many creepy undead babies, and behind a table covered with T-shirts and other merchandise sat {artist name here] who does some amazing graphic novels dealing with the Cthulu mythos. Upstairs was an art space with some wonderfully dark art and a very cool room of neon 3D art. On the roof they served hot dogs and nachos, sodas and beer, and mixed drinks on a constant basis until the after party closed at 2AM. For a first outing, Miguel really hit all the high points. About the only thing missing was a large dealer's room, but there wasn't really enough time to peruse one anyway.

Miserable Bastard: New Low Price!

My first and so far only comedy album, Miserable Bastard, is now available on Amazon.com for $2 off the original price. You can now get the CD for $9.99 or download the MP3 version for only $8.99 and listen right now! Single tracks are also available for $0.99 each.

I recorded the CD at Space 55 in Phoenix in 2008. It features music from the amazing punk band Shot Baker.

If you enjoy this website and all that we do, this is a great way to support us and get a little something back for yourself. We strive to provide free content as often as possible, so anything you do to support us is appreciated.

So click the link, get your CD, and enjoy!

There's Nothing Out There! coming to DVD from Troma

See the original film that inspired SCREAM! Three hot body teens look to get away for the weekend at a vacation house on the lake. Little do they know that There's Something Out There! A creature that wants to eat the men and mate with the women

Buy There's Nothing Out There on DVD


Coming January 11th, 2011 from Troma and CAV Distribution!

Death of a Snowman on DVD from Synapse Films!

AVAILABLE NOW!!!

Buy Death Of A Snowman on DVD

Master criminals meet violent death in Johannesburg, South Africa, a city wrought with organized crime. Steve Chaka (Ken Gampu), an ambitious news reporter, learns that these deaths are from the hands of an all-black vigilante group known only as War on Crime. Teaming up with Lt. Ben Deel (Nigel Davenport, CHARIOTS OF FIRE, A MAN FOR ALL SEASONS) of the local police department, Chaka investigates anonymous tips regarding future hits and ends up fighting for his life to uncover the truth about the vigilante killings! DEATH OF A SNOWMAN is an action-filled South African grindhouse gem. Exploitation fans will enjoy the outrageous violence, erratic editing, funky disco soundtrack and jaw dropping dubbing. Also known as SOUL PATROL and BLACK TRASH.

Only from Synapse films!

Fell (2010)

Review by Heather Henshaw

There are so many horror movies out there and a lot of the time you have to watch a lot of bad ones to find a gem. In horror lots of directors go for gore, sex, and all that fun stuff that we all dearly love but every now and then a director takes a different path on the plot of a film and that is exactly what Marcus Koch did on this film. This film is the remains of a failed film that was over 70% done and was literally made in only a few days. Now, most people would think, “Ugh another rushed film that I am going to be tortured with,” but Fell is refreshing and a good story all the way around.

Pornagraphi (DVD) - Pink Flamingo Entertainment

Here's a very interesting title available now from the great Danish adult film company, Pink Flamingo Entertainment.

Buy Pornagraphi now! Right here: www.absurd-online.dk

Pornografi consists of a series of short-films done by Ole Ege before the legalisation of pornography. Also included on this DVD is the notorious film about the farmgirl Bodil.

Extras:
“Bodil, en sommerdag i juli 1970” (1970)
“Den kinesiske maske” (1964)
Plus slideshow & 4-siders booklet af Ole Ege
Released by Pink Flamingo

Above description from Absurd-online.dk!

Doing the JOB... with Joe Broni: Navajo Warrior

by Joe Broni

There are a million choices out there in any walk of life. What should I watch on TV? Do I really have to move out of my parent’s basement? Who do I go to prom with, now that I’m over thirty? These are just a few questions you could ask yourself everyday. Since being Joe Broni means that nothing cool, ever, happens to you either inside or outside of the squared circle, I’ve decided to chat about one of those people that are not quite like me. Sometimes, in my line of work, you run into a unique individual or two. I may be the worst professional wrestler alive, but I've had a chance to talk to some of the best. Once in awhile, my friends over here at the Cinema Head Cheese are going to let me spotlight some of those unique warriors of the squared circle that you've never heard of, but wish you had. Let me introduce you, fine reader, to The Navajo Warrior.

Buy a Warrior - Navajo Kachina, it's got nothing to do with The Navajo Warrior, but we need the dough.

Music Review: Underoath - Disambiguation

Review by Alex Bridgeforth

Underoath has released its seventh album, “Ø (Disambiguation).” It has been 11 years since Underoath’s debut and the band has grown into one of the premier Christian metalcore bands today. This is one of the more lyrically and musically consistent albums for them thus far.

Buy Disambiguation by Underoath on CD!

The band’s songs have metaphoric lyrics. “In Division,” the first track on the album, is about arguing with yourself. The chorus talks about wanting to reset and rewind, as if the songwriter regrets a decision or choice. It sounds close to what Paul said in Romans 7:15. “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”

Six Degrees of Cheese: Best and Worst Kevins

As a Kevin, I share one of the most popular baby names of the seventies with many people my age. I have known a few, and one is even a friend since we were ten. After hearing something about Kevin Garnett, I had the strange idea that there weren't many Kevins in the public eye. I really struggled to name many. Of course, thinking of one Celtic led me to Kevin McHale, and the Boston connection to Kevin Faulk. I thought of Kevin Johnson and Kevin Kolb. All athletes. Well, what about the actors, comics and musicians? All I could think of was Kevin Arnold, but he's just a fictional character. This sent me off on a stupid search. I had to find the best and worst Kevins in entertainment history and post them here. I truly am an idiot for this one.

Book Review: The Sexecutives & For Love or Money by Ed Wood, Jr.

The Sexecutives, from the front cover of the novel, is, “The incredible SEXploits of a gang of sex spies who used grotesque measures to blackmail their victims.” Not to be confused with The Sexecutives published in 1963 by Mark Archer, Wood’s book is a series of vignettes perpetrated by the insane gang of sex-for-hire spies. The police question the main character, Dan Harding, relating to him all of these happenings, and asking for his assistance in testifying against Irene, the leader of the group, and her employers.

Buy The Sexecutives Vintage Paperback!

Harding insists that nothing like this has ever happened to him and he is a happily married man. Of course, he says this throughout the entire book, even after hearing how these women have stolen secrets from other businessmen. Harding does finally admit to buying one of the “secretaries” and agrees to testify against them. The majority of the book is made up of vignettes of how the group has screwed (both figuratively and literally) businessmen and government agents out of secrets and money. This is done in many different ways. For instance, the simplest way is to track your quarry to a local bar where he is meeting with other executives. Make sure he notices you and takes you back to the motel room he has rented indefinitely for just such an occasion. Seduce him, have turbulent sex so exhausting that he falls immediately asleep, and then steal his papers or photograph them or listen to him as he talks in his sleep. Industrial espionage has never been so much fun.

Movie Review: Grace (2009, Blu-Ray)

For those of you in the know, my wife and I have decided to not have children. Just a choice that we made that we’re comfortable with. After watching Grace, though, I’m very happy about the decision. What a kick in the teeth to all you breeders out there. This freshman effort from Paul Solet is a bit much to take at times, and it builds slowly, but the film culminates in some very disturbing stuff. Grace gets a bad rap, though. The marketing leading to the release was a bit off and presented the film as a gross-out comedy. It is far from comedic and if that is what you were expecting, you expected wrong.

Buy Grace on Blu-Ray!

Movie Review: The Electric Chair (1986)

As someone who’s dabbled in the furious world of stand-up comedy (not so effectively), I’ve undoubtedly seen numerous interesting characters in my travels. Most of which are sad and angry individuals. I've come to the conclusion that angst can breed brilliance in comedy and other forms of entertainment. I do recall throughout my formative years when I was exposed to the likes of Sam Kinison, Bill Hicks and other immense comic talents that, well, these guys have some seriously fucked up, troubled lives. Arnie Schwartz, the lead character of Mark Eisenstein’s The Electric Chair, is no different than Kinison or Hicks - he's just make believe.

Buy The Electric Chair on DVD!

Score (DVD, Cult Epics)

For an unknown reason, I've been urging to see "Score" since the awesome erotic/cult label Cult Epics announced it. Was it because the film is hailed as an erotic classic? Is it because Radley Metzger (a filmmaker known for erotica fare) directed it? Possibly because Lynn Lowry and Claire Wilbur are nude 95% of the run time? I'm sure all three aforementioned reasons and more contributed to my strong desire to view this film. Well, I've finally watched it. Does it live up to it's classic moniker? Dig on my review below!


Buy Score (Uncut & Uncensored) on DVD!

I'll let the plot synopsis give the gist of the film. "Liberated 70's couple seduce couple into experimentation with bisexuality and group sex". Said "liberated" couple are Elvira (strikingly beautiful Claire Wilbur) and Jack (Gerald Grant). The couple they seduce are Betsy (played innocently pure by Lynn Lowry) and Eddie (Calvin Culver). Experimenting with bisexuality and group sex certainly ensue. Radley Metzger is known for his softcore erotic films. Before "Score", Metzger had already made a name for himself in the genre. He directed the critically acclaimed "Camille 2000" in 1969 and followed that with 1970's psychedelic "The Lickerish Quartet". "Score" would simply increase the reputation of an already well established resume. Radley would ultimately make the transition to hardcore films under the pseudonym Henry Paris , as seen in Maraschino Cherry. "Score" is softcore but this new "Uncensored" DVD offers up some hardcore scenes, never before available until now.

Movie Review: Schoolgirl Report Volume #7: What The Heart Must Thereby... (1974)

I’d like to start out this review of Impulse Picture's DVD release of Ernst Hofbauer’s Schoolgirl Report Volume VII: What The Heart Must Thereby, by saying the late Austrian-born director of this very film (AKA Teenage Playmates) is the king of ‘70s Bavarian sexploitation. Why do I have such a man-crush on this gentlemen? My answer to that is – see Volumes one through six, and you might get an indication of this guy's talent in displaying gorgeous European women, naked, mixed in with some of the most ridiculously bawdy humor this side of Benny Hill. If you haven’t been acquainted with any of the previous Schoolgirl Report films , their basically soft-core cautionary tales of promiscuity in youth. Don’t get me wrong these are every bit as exploitative as other similar erotic efforts.


Buy Schoolgirl Report on DVD

The Six Million Dollar Man: The Complete Collection

The Six Million Dollar Man: The Complete Collection is now available for the first time ever on DVD. You’ll get all 100 episodes of the groundbreaking series, all digitally remastered and restored for pristine clarity.

The Six Million Dollar Man: The Complete Collection is housed in a 40-DVD Collector’s Box that includes a bionic sound chip and a special 3D lenticular design of Steve Austin. But hurry, this exclusive collection is not available in stores!

Plus, you’ll get over 17 hours of bonus features, including:

•Exclusive new interviews with Lee Majors and Lindsay Wagner
•All three pilot movies of The Six Million Dollar Man
•All three reunion movies of The Six Million Dollar Man
•All crossover episodes of The Bionic Woman
•17 exclusive featurettes
•Audio commentaries and other interactive features
•All five seasons uncut
•Collector’s box

Here at the Cheese we got a look at the 1st season of this packed set and are very impressed with the care that was put into remastering this classic show. We encourage you to head on over to http://www.timelife.com/ and purchase this ultimate assemblage of all things Six Million Dollar Man!

Movie Review: Scandalous Gilda (1986)

Just recently, one of the original founding partners of euro-cult DVD labels, Mya Communications and No Shame Films created a new DVD company called One 7 Films. One 7 Films and CAV Distribution have joined forces in bringing some truly unique titles for euro-cult fans in the states to enjoy. Coming soon they will be releasing Alien From the Deep, The Sins of Madame Bovary and Chinese Kama Sutra directed by the late-great Joe D’Amato. Their first release however will be Scandalous Gilda, directed by and starring frequent Euro-cult film actor, Gabriele Lavia( Revenge of The Dead, Inferno, Sleepless, Deepred).


BUY SCANDALOUS GILDA ON DVD

Sleazy 70s Stags on DVD!

Available for the first time to home entertainment, this astounding authentic 8mm Home Projector Loop Collection from the Sleazy '70s features Big-Busted-Beauties Uschi Digard (ILSA, SHE-WOLF OF THE SS, SUPER-VIXENS), Candy Samples (FLESH GORDON, BENEATH THE VALLEY OF THE ULTRA-VIXENS) and Grindhouse Hottie Rene Bond (FANTASM, CHIC '69). 24 Loops Plus Over 30 Minutes of Vintage Sexploitation Trailers on 1 DVD Over 3 Hours of Content!

Get your gigantic sloppy knocker fix now! Only from Independent Entertainment and MVD Visual.

Sleazy '70s Stags
http://www.mvdb2b.com/

Movie Review: The Psycho Legacy

Who would have thought that writer Robert Bloch's fascination with frail Wisconsin based serial-killer cannibal, and perennial "mama's boy," Ed Gein would become the phenomenon known as Psycho. First came the novel from Bloch and not long after, the feature Psycho from legendary thriller maven, Alfred Hitchcock. Hitchcock's film, while staying close to the book had his own special signature that would put the film into an elite category that few films(other than maybe Jaws) have come close to touching. With a remake and three subsequent sequels from protégé, Richard Franklin, Norman Bates himself, Anthony Perkins and Mick Garris, the Psycho Phenomenon has maintained a steady lock on the horror genre as one of the true franchises. Right now on the heels of a superb documentary on one of the "other" franchises, Nightmare on Elm Street from earlier this year, The Psycho series is now the focal point. This time, it's first-time director, Robert Victor Galluzzo of Icons Of Fright Productions, Shout! Factory DVD with the release of The Psycho Legacy. Could that be two excellent documentaries in one year? Lets see.

BUY THE PSYCHO LEGACY ON DVD!

Watch The Horror Vault 3 on Amazon VOD!

That's right, kiddies! The Horror Vault 3, featuring our film "undone" is available for streaming at Amazon.com! You can purchase the movie for $9.99 or rent it for $2.99. Either way, help support independent filmmaking and  watch "undone" starring our very own Kevin Moyers and David C. Hayes!


RENT OR BUY THE HORROR VAULT 3 HERE!

Movie Review: Life in Transit

I had the opportunity to attend the DVD release of Life in Transit this past weekend. The feature film from the Phoenix-based company Vertical Blu films was an ambitious effort. Now, I ascribe to the message and theme that Vertical Blu has. They are a community-based company and proudly identify themselves as ‘grassroots filmmakers.’ That’s cool. The film, though, can be summed up pretty succinctly: missed opportunity.

BUY LIFE IN TRANSIT ON DVD!

I really wanted to enjoy this film more than I did. The concept, what I knew of it, was a good one. A young man, on a bus ride back home after losing his dreams, contemplates suicide. Through his interactions with the bus riders, though, he slowly comes around to the fact that life is worth living. Feel good stuff, right? It’s a Wonderful Life on a Greyhound. I dig it. I would have liked that. What Life in Transit is, though, is not developed enough to be anything as powerful as its promise. Directed by Daniel Gourley and written by Cori Orlowski, the film falls a little flat. From the technical aspects that ranged from gorgeous panoramic vistas to out of focus close ups was, as you can probably guess, hit or miss. Color correction needed a bit of work and the lighting design based off of blown out windows can be successful, but it is a fine line a gaffer walks to pull that off.

Movie Review: The Final Destination (Blu-Ray)

For starters, I know that all of the Final Destination movies are, essentially, the same. A group of young, pretty people escape death due to the premonition of one member of the group (who is generally, socially at odds with other members). This premonition results in saving core members and cheating death. Death, though, stops for no man (or woman) and the people that survived are summarily picked off with interesting forms of dispatch in the order they would have died. The chain must be broken, but, after a bunch of these films, we still aren’t sure if that will work, exactly. The Final Destination 3D is no different… and that’s a good thing.

BUY THE FINAL DESTINATION ON BLU-RAY!

Even though all of these stories are the same, they are still really cool, really well told stories. Yes, I knew everything that would happen and, for the most part, in the order it would happen. What these films have going for them, though, are the absolutely insane, unique and disgusting ways that ‘accidental’ deaths can occur!

App Review: BeyondPod for Android

As I've said before on this site, I love talk radio. That's why the evolution of the podcast is a dream come true for me. I have also become a fan of bloggers. From our own Hal Astell's Apocalypse Later to the weekly comics from our friends over at IDK, I love that the web is open to the world's creative population through these two simple avenues. If it's great, people catch on. If it sucks, people don't bother with it.

I'm also a huge fan of our current phone technology. A year after buying the first generation MyTouch 3G, I still marvel at the fact that I have a computer, mp3 player, camera, voice recorder, GPS, thermometer, etc., etc., etc. in my pocket at all times. My favorite thing is the Android market. The iPhone has a similar setup and almost all of the same apps. I'm not one of the Apple sheeple, and I like to be able to make phone calls, so I went the Android route. It also helped that this is not my first HTC phone. They make good products so far.