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July 31, 2021

The Haunting of Sharon Tate (2019) Movie Review

Okay, hear me out. This is not my usual fare, here or on my own website. But to give you a quick backstory, I found a YouTuber who reviews bad films and inserts comedic material (commentary and green screen stuff – it’s pretty hilarious. Jamie French, look her up.). She does more wholesome, family friendly stuff and Hilary Duff is the subject of at least three of these reviews.

Yes, Lizzie McGuire herself (though I never watched any of the LM stuff as I was already a grown-ass woman when that came out and not the demographic target).

Anyhoo, Jamie comments multiple times that Hilary isn’t all that bad an actress. I would agree for the most part but I wanted to see her in something a little more heavy, dramatic, and serious. Amazon Prime is streaming the movie I’m reviewing and I gotta say, Hilary did not deserve the Razzie she received for her work in it.

Let’s break it down a bit, shall we? Though, in not-like-me fashion at all, I will do my best to not reveal any spoilers, though this film is based on the Manson Murders so I think most of us know what the hell happens, right?

First you have to understand that this film’s story is based on two untruths – Sharon Tate’s premonition about her death, and the five victims not being murdered at all. Keep those in mind as we discuss the film, okay?

Second, because of these liberties in storytelling, lots of people, including Sharon’s sister, have decried the film as “classless” and “exploitative”. And in a sense that’s true. It seemed a lot of folks were trying to cash in on the 50th anniversary of the murders. Perhaps writer/director Daniel Farrands could have waited to film his vision, or at least release it earlier/later, depending on when he wrote it.

I can’t disagree with any of the victims’ surviving families and friends on any of their criticisms. I have never had someone I loved viciously murdered by a gang of doped up fuckwads manipulated into action by one of the biggest megalomaniacal psychotics to ever exist. But at the same time, I can appreciate what Farrands was trying to do with his film. He wanted to take the focus away from The Family and focus on the victims, to give them the power instead.

The story veers from historical events like this: In the days leading up to her murder, Sharon is having nightmares and premonitions about her pending death. Though her friends chalk it up to the hormonal imbalances produced by pregnancy, and missing her husband, she can’t shake the feeling that her hallucinations, nightmares, and the almost intrusive musical recording of some guy, Charlie, are all linked.

When The Family does infiltrate the house, planning to murder everyone, Sharon and her friends turn the tables on the intruders. They fight back, get the jump on their would-be killers, and kill them instead. They survive the horrific night and get to continue on with their lives.




At least, until the closing scene. Alternate reality or not, there’s only so far Farrands will go before we all remember what really happened that night 52 years ago. And he brings us slamming back to reality with one of the most heartbreaking final shots I’ve seen in a film in a long time.

From what I’ve read from an interview with Farrands, and he brings this idea up in the dialog of the movie several times, he wanted to explore an alternate reality in regard to the murders.

“My version of the story is set in an alternate reality that asks questions about fate, destiny, and whether or not we have control over the ‘script’ of our lives.”

I think we all do this from time to time, playing the ‘what if’ game to determine if different choices would result in different outcomes. I don’t think he was trying to be disrespectful, or exploitative in any way. Farrands had no interest in Manson and The Family, and did not make their lifestyle or philosophies come off as sexy or interesting (which lots of filmmakers have done to the disgust of the rest of us).

It may seem like I’m defending Farrands because he created such a brilliant film. Um, not really. The film isn’t that great, to be honest. Just over 90 minutes felt too long, probably because he started with a false narrative and had to expand it will filler and slow-mo shots to get it to feature length. The pacing dragged (probably because of the aforementioned padding) which pulls you out of the story.

That said, the nightmare sequence Sharon experiences is absolutely horrifying and I found myself crying because, as we all know, those terrible things happened in real life. But I think it was the final shot, after they 'lived', that truly broke my heart. It's a scene that has stayed with me since I watched the film.




Also I have to say the acting was top notch. Hilary and Jonathan Bennet, who played Jay Sebring, were the best parts of the movie. It's nice to see Hilary broaden her acting experience. I'm not saying she's Meryl Streep or Helen Mirren, but she has definitely stretched her tween rom-com wings into adulthood.

If you have the chance to watch this movie, do it. It probably won't end up on your list of classic films or something you can watch over and over. But the idea explored in the film are worth looking at and Farrands does a good job of showing us what might have been.


3 Hatchets (out of 5)







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July 2, 2021

Frankenstein vs Dracula (aka Assignment Terror) 1970 - Movie Review

There’s no way in hell I’m going to enjoy this movie to the point of singing its praises, or commending its production value, acting, makeup, f/x, plot, etc. There’s…just no fucking way.

Spoiler Alert I: I was right.

SPOILER ALERT II: I’m probably going to spoil plot lines and twists so if you haven’t seen it, stop reading, go watch the film, then come back.

Frankenstein vsDracula (aka Assignment Terror) is the most convoluted, ridiculous film I’ve watched in a while. Plot description on IMDB: After an alien convinces a werewolf, Dracula, Mummy, and Frankenstein’s monster (at least they got that right) to help him destroy the earth, all hell breaks loose.

And this is absolutely NOT the plot.

Well, it is and it isn’t. The basics are kinda there. What’s going on is a superior (in their minds) alien race is dying. They need to find a new planet. They decide on Earth but wouldn’t you know it, it’s filled with earthlings. So they plan to exploit mankind’s foolish superstitions and fears (you know, monsters and shit) in order to dominate them or destroy them completely.

Sure, they could blow up the entire human race with nukes, but they need the planet intact. Otherwise, they’ll have no place to colonize. Duh. And despite the fact they’ve already got a shit ton of agents and spies in place on Earth, the success of this particular mission will decide if they end up calling Earth home or they die out completely.

And you’re going with this whole scary monster thing, huh? Okay then…

The three main aliens working on this RIDICULOUS plan are Dr. Odo Warnoff (the most condescending of the trio), Dr. Maleva Kerstein, and Dr. Kerian. Because the aliens are soooo superior to humans, they don’t have to worry about becoming influenced by their puny fears and emotions. So the aliens are incarnated into existing human bodies. And since they know that beautiful women are like powerful magnets, they’ll use the buxom beauties to attract statesmen, scientists, and generals, then steal all their vital secrets.

I’m sure that’ll work out just great for you.

OMG! BTS is coming in concert next summer!

They find an actual vampire, werewolf, mummy, and Farancksalan’s monster (no, I’m not kidding). Their big plan is to use a mind control device on each one, turning them into willing slaves to the aliens, while the aliens use the monsters’ blood to create clones that will destroy mankind.

Fortunately for us Earthlings, the cops figure out what the hell is going on and thwart the alien takeover, after a few epic monster battles, of course. HUMANS: 1; ALIENS: 0

 

Normally I would delve into further details of the film, scene by scene. But honestly, I can’t be bothered. It’s not really worth anyone’s time to stare into the abysmal nature of this movie. But I can discuss a few elements.


  1. I really enjoyed Paul Naschy, who played – you guessed it – his iconic role as the werewolf, Waldemar Daninsky. He was the only monster given a fully developed backstory, and the years of Naschy playing this exact character backs it up. He’s really one of the few characters that the viewer can get behind and root for. Any completist Naschy fans out there will probably want to watch this, just for Waldemar.
  2. The makeup for the mummy is the best of all the monsters. Looks very realistic, and not just a bunch of latex and toilet paper mushed together to create the appearance of a desiccated corpse.
  3. There was slight character development with Inspector Tobermann. He takes on the brunt of the investigation, falls in love, starts to get overstressed with monster hallucinations, and gets to have all the human-on-monster fights in the film. He also had some fun banter with his boss. I’m not saying I gave a shit about anything he did, but at least the writer tried. Guess who the writer was? Paul Naschy. Hmmm, that could explain why the werewolf got so much play…

 

Beyond these few things, the movie was a pile of nonsensical idiocy. We never come back to the idea of beautiful women stealing secrets from powerful men; aliens hammer on the idea of how superior they are but become susceptible to human emotion and fuck up their mission, in a completely surprising and not predictable in any way turn of events; the high mucky mucks in the police force immediately believe the story of aliens using monsters to destroy the world. Naschy missed a huge opportunity to explore that aspect to create tension.

The music never fit any scene it was used in. The editing was choppy at best, migraine inducing at worst, and made transitions so muddled that I couldn’t be sure we had moved on to a brand-new scene until 30 seconds after the cut. Most of the special effect makeup was terrible, particularly for Fetasalad’s monster. It looks like someone put a hat box on his head and painted over it.

Here, watch me do my Dirty Harry impression.

I did like that Waldemar’s character had the most backstory, but some of it seems rather convenient just to be able to give credence to monsterkind in general by explaining how a high-ranking judge crossed paths with the werewolf years earlier. With that, and more intricate coincidences, made the rest of the monsters shallow and unimportant. But again, Naschy wrote the story and the screenplay.

By the time we reach the conclusion, complete with alien lab explosion, and our cop hero philosophizing out loud for the benefit of us all, the story has become so convoluted and overflowing with minutia, the viewer feels dissatisfied, empty, and probably pissed at losing 90 minutes of their life they can never get back.

1 hatchet (out of 5)

P.S. I don’t know why this was ever titled Frankenstein vs Dracula because 1) Dracula isn’t the vampire in this movie; and 2) the werewolf and Frank keep duking it out, for reasons unexplained.

 

 


 


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July 1, 2021

A Binge too Far #17: Horror Meltdown

Stunning image from Color Out of Space (2019)



 

Welcome back to the internet’s least popular film discussion blog! This time around we take a look on two horror goodies from 2019.

 

Reviews

 

Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark (2019)

 

Scary Stories To Tell in the Dark

Set in Small Town, America, during the time when Night Of The Living Dead (1968) still played drive-ins and Richard Nixon was running for president, this is about the struggles of the nerds (led by the peculiarly beautiful Zoe Margaret Colletti) against the jocks, but things become even worse for the protagonists when a haunted book cannot read by them but reads them instead, as in dictating their faiths that suffice to say are not that good.

 

It is no wonder that amidst the current Stephen King renaissance that spawned homages such as Stranger Things (2016 – ongoing) that a film like this would come to fruition, however its fault is that it is not that scary as per the title’s promise. However, the youths in producer Guillermo del Toro’s film are battling against a variety of monsters that include a scarecrow and the ghost witch (don’t expect an attractive gothic witch, the one her is grotesque) that initiated the aforementioned book, and all of them are stunning thanks to great work done both by the practical effects teams and the CGI ones; and there is even a rollercoaster-like haunted house in display as well, making this an entertaining opus, if not a highly recommended one. Directed by Andre Ovredal.

 

Color Out Of Space (2019)

 

Color Out of Space (2019)

Following “the operation” (i.e. mastectomy) his wife (Joely Richardson recently had, Nathan Gardner (Nicolas Cage, in the wake of a string of awesome movies that he recently did) takes her and their son Benny (Brendan Meyer, a young TV actor) and Wicca daughter (Madeleine Arthur, a gorgeous young actress that is mostly recognizable due to her television work) away from the city and to a secluded house and farm they just bought.

 

Their newly found life in the middle of nowhere seems to be dysfunctional but nothing out of the ordinary (they just seem like a family that recently left the city behind and trying to adapt to willing isolation); that is until a strangely colored meteorite (hence the title) is crashing on their backyard and with it bringing a number of consequences that at first seem to be coincidences, but soon it becomes apparent that something strange is going on as members of the family and the community start losing it and animals turn into mutant monsters.

 

Based upon H.P. Lovecraft’s The Color Out of Space (1927) short story, the screenplay by Richard Stanley (who also directed) and Scarlett Amaris, is offering poetic voice over (in the beginning and the end) and equally haunting dialogues (throughout the entire picture and by almost every member of the cast) that co-exist perfectly with the dreamy visuals, while tonally it echoes the sensibilities of classic sci-fi of the 1950s and pollution/infection cinema of the 1970s.

 

The protagonist family is surrounded by an air of tenderness, similar to what you usually see in 1980s movies and that generation’s ruling ethics, and it is all greatly disrupted by the collective hysteria and madness that is about to ensue. All of the above would be of great interest to most readers of this blog, but wait until you see the monsters! Mutated, disfigured, and transformed to uncanny forms by god knows what, these creatures are so otherworldly that one can’t help but imagine what Stuart Gordon or Brian Yuzna would do if they had them at their disposal. One thing is certain, this is one of the greatest Lovecraft adaptations ever, and not just story-wise, but in terms of mood and atmosphere as well.

 

The film’s pace is not conventional (the first act is particularly strange), and everything here has semiotic meaning, something blatantly so and sometimes disguised. It’s all brilliantly wrapped with cinematographer Steve Annis’ stunning and breath-taking color palette; we wouldn’t have it any other way with a title like that.

 

This was a difficult project for Stanley to get off the ground, as he was sort of unofficially blacklisted in Hollywood due to the massive box-office failure of The Island Of Dr. Moreau (1996). He really wanted to make the film though as he was obsessed with Lovecraft’s story since he was a kid when he first read it after being introduced to the legendary writer’s works by his mother. In turn, when his mother was dying he was reading this story in her deathbed. He managed to raise interest when he uploaded a trailer online in 2013, and SpectreVision announced their collaboration in 2015. By 2018 Nicolas Cage was on board and by 2019 ACE Pictures joined too, making principal photography able to begin. The end result premiered at 2019 Toronto International Film Festival’s Midnight Madness section when Nicolas Cage won the Creative Coalition’s Spotlight Initiative Award. Then a limited theatrical release followed, while now the film is available to stream and buy. Stanley went on record to say that this is only the first film of a Lovecraft adaptations trilogy that he is preparing. We say, bring it on!

 

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