I’m kinda getting
tired of taking a chance on an unknown movie and then liking it. I mean, this
is Cinema Headcheese. I take pride in holding myself to a certain standard of
crap and bitching about it.
Geez.
As I wasn’t
planning to review this particular film, I didn’t take copious notes. That will
help this to be a more spoiler-free review. The film is also from 2018, so it’s
still relatively new and probably not on a lot of people’s radars.
The Dark is about
two teenagers who bond and heal in the wake of traumatic experiences. Mina,
after being killed by her mother’s molesting boyfriend, wakes as a zombie in
the woods near her home. She must kill and eat humans to “survive”. Several
years later, she crosses paths with a wanted criminal who trespasses into her
territory, and promptly kills him. While searching the man’s car for goods, she
discovers Alex, a teenage boy the man had kidnapped then blinded through
torture.
As Mina takes
Alex in tow, trying to find him food, shelter, and help, the two create a
strong bond of friendship, each a healing force for the other. Though in order
to keep Alex safe, blood’s gonna get spilled.
I actually don’t
want to say more than that. I don’t want to break down the film scene by scene,
like I usually do. I will comment on a few aspects, of course. Despite there
being a lot of division among reviewers across the internet, I don’t think
anyone can deny this film throws an emotional punch. And I haven’t been able to
stop thinking about it ever since I watched it.
About 80% of the
film is carried by two people: Nadia Alexander and Toby Nichols, who play Mina
and Alex respectively. The subject matter, zombie aspect aside, is very heavy
and these two bore the brunt of it well. Using the zombie trope to explore and
discuss issues like molestation, rape, kidnapping, torture, brain washing, and
murder through the eyes of the teens that experienced these horrors is
something I haven’t seen before. At least, not with this strong emotional
connection. Even Mina’s zombie isn’t typical. She’s not a brainless, shambling,
cloudy-eyed automaton. Aside from the killing and eating people, she could be a
“normal” teenage girl.
Toby did a
fantastic job of playing a teen who’d obviously been so traumatized, he was
reluctant to go with Mina even after she told him his kidnapper was dead. He
lived in fear that the man would come back for him or find his family and kill
them. When we first encounter Alex, he’s in soiled clothes with burn scars over
his eyes. But we didn’t need to see him go through that hell. Toby showed us
plenty through his acting in the film. Same for Mina. We do get some flashbacks to give us an idea how she got to this zombified state, but Nadia shows us plenty without us having to witness her personal trauma.
There is no
soundtrack. There is one simplistic song, “Mina’s Theme”, that plays a couple
times. Or the kids hum a soft tune once or twice. But I think the lack of music
made this a much more powerful film. That in conjunction with the
cinematography created such a bleak and unforgiving world these kids had to
live in.
Most of the film
is dark, lighting-wise, I mean. I don’t know if that was a director’s choice to
show that we each have darkness to contend with inside and out, or that the
world is a dark place, hence the title of the film. Darkness can be different
for everyone, and from some of the character development in this movie, I’d say
the teens weren’t the only ones who had suffered at the hands of something dark
and terrible.
The one main
thing I didn’t like was the pacing. It did drag a bit, and some scenes went on
a little too long. But only checking my watch once or twice during a 90-minute
film is fairly good, so it wasn’t as bad as others I’ve watched in the past.
I did try to read
up on a bunch of reviews because the ending is a little…huh? And after
discovering NO ONE had any answers or theories out there, I realized that the
writer may have left the ending a little vague so each viewer could interpret
in their own way. I can’t really say what I think the ending means because it
would give too much away. But it did give me hope for Alex’s recovery, and for
Mina’s, too.
Is this a
supernatural tale? Sure. Is it a human story? Absolutely. What it means for you
will be different than what it means for me. And stories that keep me thinking,
long after they’re over, are some of the most beautiful stories out there.
It’s on Amazon
Prime if you’d like to check it out for yourself.
4 hatchets (out
of 5)
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If you can
believe it, sometimes I’m more leery of modern horror than ‘vintage’. I know,
unheard of, right? But every now and again, I like to live dangerously.
Sometimes it pays off, sometimes not. In this case…um, yes?
(WARNING: I do
spoil movies because I have no self-control. So if you haven’t seen this, stop
reading, go watch the movie, then come back.)
Dark House is
about Nick DiSanto. When he was eight years old, his mother committed herself
to an asylum. The main reason is because when Nick touches people, he can see
their death. Not just a regular death, though. It has to be something sooper
bad, like being chopped up by an axe murder or something. I guess that was a
little stressful on mom.
And now, here we
are, on Nick’s 23rd birthday, and he gets a call from the asylum. In
all these years, his mother has never wanted to see him – or anyone, for that
matter – but today she specifically requested a visit from her long-abandoned son.
Naturally, she’s a bit scared to look at him (guilt, fear, take your pick) but
once she makes that connection, she tells Nick that his father isn’t dead; yes,
I’ve known who he is all along; he’s coming for you.
Nick’s a bit
pissed, as you might imagine, and grabs her, demanding the truth. He sees her
horrible death – she’s on fire – before her warning turns into babbling and
Nick just wants the fuck out. His roommate is waiting outside the asylum so they
can go party and drink and celebrate Nick’s birthday. Nick wants to drink away
his problems anyway, so let’s go.
He meets Eve, who
will soon become his best gal. When he touches her, he doesn’t have the violent
visions of death. Well, that’s convenient. So they hang out, talk about life, the crazy
coincidences with the number 23 (gee, I wonder if that’s going to come back at
all…), deal with some assholes who want to really know if Nick can see their deaths,
blah blah. Commence the lovey-dovies, she gets pregnant, and they’re happy.
UNTIL…
We get a quick
scene with mom as she talks to the voice in her vent. Yeah, she’s crazy. The
voice is angry, though, because she didn’t give Nick the 4-1-1 on HIM (the
voice) so he (the voice) sets mom on fire, which in turn, burns the whole
asylum down. Eight months later, Nick gets a call from a judge about his mother’s
will. Nick didn’t even know she had one, but he discovers that she had the deed
to a house that is now his. But the weirdest part (aside from the judge talking
to the voice in his vent after Nick leaves) is that Nick has been drawing a
particular house his whole life, thinking it was just something he imagined.
Turns out the house he now owns is the house from his imagination – or memory. It MUST have a clue about his dad.
Now Nick, Eve (eight
months pregnant, btdubs), and roomie, Ryan, head out to find this house in the
backwater town of Rivers End. That house he’s searching for is a bit of a local
legend. It’s known as Wormwood and was washed away in the Black Water Flood 23
years ago (hey, 23 again…). With the help of some rando land surveyors, Kris,
Sam, and Lilith, they actually find the house intact.
Yes, that’s impossible
but nevertheless, here we are.
Not only is the
house still intact, but a man, Seth, has been there for years, “working” on it.
So get the fuck out. Though he lets Nick come in for a bit, explaining that God
brought the flood to get rid of this house and Seth’s been trying to tear it
down ever since. Then he tosses Nick out and says never return. Cue the three creepy
loping guys carrying hatchets that chase everyone off the property. Unfortunately,
Sam is killed, Kris is nearly killed, and Lilith is being all weird with Eve.
GET OFF MY LAWN, YOU DAMN KIDS!
This is when
things start taking a sideways path, folks.
The group goes
back to town for help but it’s completely empty. At least, it LOOKS empty to
them, even though the place is bustling with activity. Only one person can
actually see the group as they’re searching for aid, Lucky, one of the
townsfolk that goes AND TALKS TO A VOICE IN A FUCKING VENT.
Next thing we
know, the group is back at the house, even though they drove 30 miles away
from it. They’ve got to take shelter inside for the night and then figure out
what to do in the morning. Seth and the Lopers are outside watching the house
but he instructs them to stay put. They’ll know when to go back inside.
Wait, what?
Nick dreams about
a hidden door in the house, as well as his mom in the vent who tells Nick she’s
trapped, just like his father. He needs to release them both – go open the
cellar! And yep, when he wakes up, he goes in search of that door. Chris seems awfully
helpful about getting that door open, too. Each time they open it though, the Lopers
come to life and charge the house. But once they close the door, the Lopers
just stand still. So the group weaves their way through them, hoping to go find
their car, and GTFO.
Unfortunately, they
get separated. Nick and Ryan find Sam’s body and discover he’s not quite…human.
Lilith and Eve find the car and hide, but Lilith ain’t so human either.
Luckily, Seth shows up and kills Lilith because she was going to EAT EVE’S
BABY.
And now we
finally find out what the hell is going on – literally. Lilith, Sammael (Sam),
and Kristoff (Kris) are all demons of hell. Their purpose was to destroy the
baby, get Nick into the house to open the cellar, and invite his dad (which we
assume is Satan) into the living realm. But it could only be done by Satan’s
human son during his 23rd year of life (there’s that pesky 23 again).
Seth has been trying to destroy the house since the flood. The Lopers are
actually God’s Gargoyles (that’s what Kristoff calls them) and working for Seth.
Kris and Nick
meet up and, yep, Nick ends up in the house and…Eve and Ryan find him covered
in blood with an axe sticking out of his back. Oh don’t worry, he’s still
alive. The other two try to convince him to leave, but Nick’s mad that everyone
tried to stop him, and his dad. Little tussle ensues and Eve wakes up in the
hospital, after having given birth to a son. Seth saved her ass and told her it’s
time for her to forget Nick and move on.
Four years later,
Eve’s son is at the kitchen table, drawing the same house Nick drew his whole
life, while listening to a voice COMING OUT OF THE FUCKING VENT.
Nope, nope, nope, fucking nope.
Lots to unpack
here…
Look, this story
is nothing new. It’s not particularly original or inventive or groundbreaking.
Throughout my notes, I called a lot of the big twists or reveals because, as a
horror lover, I’ve seen and read this trope dozens of times. The hints
scattered throughout the movie are giant sourdough loaves. But that doesn’t
make the movie less enjoyable.
The main
characters are believable and grounded in reality, as much as they can be in a ‘bring
Satan to the world’ film. Even the minor characters, no matter how short their
screen time, are necessary pieces of the overall puzzle and I can’t imagine how
the story would have worked without them.
The acting is fantastic.
Tobin Bell plays Seth and he’s probably the most likeable, even when you don’t
know his true purpose until later. He has great presence on screen, a perfect
choice for Seth. Lacy Anzelc played Lilith and from the get-go, she’s ‘off’,
you know? She played the demon with such subtlety. You didn’t know why she got
under your skin; she just did. Ethan S. Smith as Samael came off as this meek,
bumbling dork but in reality, Samael is an assassin for Hell, so he needed to
cover up his true purpose. Zach Ward as Kristoff was the demon that can create
illusions – like the empty town, driving in circles, etc. So all their
confusion was his doing. How cool is that? Also, I adore Zach Ward.
The music was
great through the whole movie. It was used particularly well for building
tension. There were a few times the pacing lagged, but the music helped bring
it back on track. Editing, cinematography, production, direction, makeup, set
design, and wardrobe were all great. I loved the look of the Gargoyles. We
never got to see their faces and the way they loped through their attack scenes
was so creepy. They were one of my favorite things in the film. Them and the
1950s Cadillac that Ryan drove.
With all the
good, there has to be some bad. Like I said before, the story is a well-known
trope. The devil has a son and needs him to bring hell on earth is not new. So,
for me, it was easy to figure out what was going on relatively early. And I
never know what the fuck is happening in movies so when I can figure it out,
that’s bad.
A lot of elements
in the storytelling were OBVIOUSLY used as double meanings or foreshadowing.
Even some of the simple names and terms were elbow nudges to the testicles
about what was going on. The whole bar scene discussion about the number 23;
calling the house Wormwood; Lilith’s name; etc. Now maybe, if you’re not that familiar
with the Bible or Christianity or the tv show, Supernatural, none of
this would trigger any bells for you. But I am – I attended catholic school for
eleven, and four of Lutheran college. I was named after a nun, for crying out
loud. Lots of predictability here.
While the rest of
production was great, the sound was terrible. And the worst kind of terrible:
quiet dialogue and EAR BLEEDING DECIBLES FOR THE SOUND EFFECTS. I can forgive a
lot of stuff in films if I’m entertained and not checking my watch all the
time, but not crap audio balance.
Also, I was
checking my watch from time to time. The pacing is uneven and the story drags
in several places.
I have to say, overall,
that this is an enjoyable film. Despite its flaws, the good outweighs a lot of
the bad. I almost want to go back and watch again just to see if there are any
other clues I may have missed (doubtful, but I’m not perfect).
2.5 hatchets
(out of 5)
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You know, most of the time I try to find films that are kinda
trash. Partly because they’re fun to shred, and partly because I think the
people who patronize this site like the “less polished” side of film. Every now
and again, though, I find a movie that is crap but manages to be entertaining
at the same time. This is such a movie.
Black Roses is about a bunch of demons who have disguised
themselves as a rock n roll band in order to hypnotize the public.
That’s it. That’s the only description I’ve been able to find. I
have a feeling the demons want more than just to make people cluck like
chickens against their wills. Don’t worry. I’ll break it down a bit more for
you.
(I WILL SPOIL IT SO IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT, STOP HERE. GO WATCH.
COME BACK. READ ON.)
We know right from the start that this band is comprised of
demons. The opening scene shows them performing at some concert venue IN demon
form! When the cops come to arrest them, the audience bursts out of the arena,
already transformed into demons, and wreak havoc. I mean, I’m assuming they do
because that scene ends abruptly and the title screens roll.
Next thing we know, two Lamborghinis roll into the quiet little
hamlet of Mill Basin. Damian (not kidding) throws the Devil Horns to his crew
and they start hanging up flyers about the band playing a few concerts in town.
Naturally, this God-fearing community doesn’t want the Satan music corrupting their
children.
But the Mayor supports it. Remember how rock n roll used to be
demonized when we were youngsters? Besides, the school board approved it so
your little committee can’t really do squat here. So the parents sit in on the
concert, and are relived to hear the soft rock strains coming from the Black
Roses. Certainly, these 60 seconds we’ve heard are just like the rest of their
music. Let’s vamoose.
I bet you can guess what happens after the adults leave, eh?
The next day, the kids are all kinda zonked out. The cool
teacher, Mr. Moorhouse, assumes it’s because they were up late for the concert.
But when the kids’ behavior keeps getting worse, and they attend every Black Roses
performance, and then people start DYING, Mr. Moorhouse thinks something hinky
is going on. And the rock band is responsible.
He takes matters into his own hands and plans to burn the stage
down. You know, while the band is playing and the auditorium is filled with
kids. But whatever gets the job done, amiright? He actually succeeds in setting
the demons on fire and the kids escape, stumbling out into the night with no
memory of what they’ve been up to the past two days (fighting, being disrespectful,
having the sex, killing their parents, etc.).
*sigh* It’s over. Mill Basin beat the Devil out of town.
Or did it? Lucky for us, Mr. Moorhouse and the Mayor are sitting
down to the news just as the entertainment broadcast comes on. Seems Black
Roses has booked a bunch of shows in NY and a trip to tour the UK.
dundunDUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNN
All right. Let’s get the bad out of the way.
Some of the acting is terrible. Mostly the high school kids, and
some of the adults. But it’s a small movie filmed somewhere in Canada. This
shouldn’t be a shock.
The demon makeup/monsters were actually more cute than scary. My
personal favorite was the one that came out of one character’s home speaker and
pulls the dad back through it (played by Vincent Pastore, whom you may remember
from a little show called The Sopranos). Damian’s demon form looked more
like baby Godzilla, and Julie – teacher’s pet resident goody-goody – her demon
form looks like it popped straight out of a children’s comic book.
They were like adult sized Muppets.
Is there something in my teeth?
The music was rather bland for rock n roll. Very generic 80s hair
metal. Honestly, I wanted to hear Damian’s rousing calls to the Devil speeches more
than their music. Also, when Mr. Moorhouse ran around trying to save the town
and the kids, the music sounded like something that would backing up Captain
America or the Greatest American Hero. We love a good superhero, don’t
we?
There’s not a lot of special effects going on. A few practical,
prosthetic closeups during a couple transformations. But only one time did we
get a long POV for Julie as she transforms, and they used that weird glowing purple
swirling light effect that is very dated, and very 80s. Made the scene cheesier
than it should have been, especially when her final form was only seen from the
stomach up. I’m guessing they had the demon rolling around on some kind of
wheeled contraption and ran out of money before they could hide or disguise it
under a full demon body.
There were a couple of fight scenes with Mr. Moorhouse – one with
Juliedemon and one with the Black Roses on stage. The punch sound effect was
laughable; the weapons Moorhouse picked up to fight Julie were unintentionally
hilarious (a tennis racket, tennis ball, eventually stakes her with a broken table
leg). Then when he’s in the auditorium, he LITERALLY threw Julie (in human form)
into the audience, like it’s some kind of active mosh pit, before swinging his
fists or a giant gong mallet at Damian.
To be fair, the fight criticisms I have are also highly
enjoyable. Though I don’t think they meant to make those scenes funny, it’s
hard to believe that the writer wasn’t throwing in a little levity to break up
the dark direction in which a bunch of kids were spiraling.
For the good acting, you shouldn’t be surprised as there were
some familiar faces among the adults: Ken Swofford (tons of TV work, The Andromeda
Strain), Julie Adams (Creature from the Black Lagoon), John Martin
(tons of TV work). While the story does seem to center more on the kids and the
rock band, John (Mr. Moorhouse) carries the majority of this film. And he does
a wonderful job on those strong, broad shoulders...if only every school had one
of him. *rowr*
OMG, Mr. Moorhouse's mustache power is more than I can handle!
The kills were mostly quick or off screen. But the two Julie committed
were pretty fucking hard-core. She bashed her stepfather’s head in with a giant
ashtray (her stepdad played by Paul Kelman, he of My Bloody Valentine
fame); she murdered Mr. Moorhouse’s ex-girlfriend by sawing through her neck
with a hunting knife. We got nice and close and personal on that one.
I honestly think the writer did a decent job of establishing
characters. It’s easy to get pulled into how quickly the children turned on the
adults. Black Roses was only in town for two days before the shit hit the fan,
but since their demons, it made logical sense they wanted evil to spread
quickly. And I appreciated the speedy timeline so we don’t have to wait around
for the children to start changing. Mr. Moorhouse, who sees the kids every day,
figures out the truth long before anyone else, and you are just as easily frustrated
as he when he can’t get the Mayor to back him up.
I did enjoy the story. In Black Roses, there is LITERAL evil
spreading thought the town. It’s not a bunch of bible thumping white folk whose
panties have twisted in knots over PERCEIVED evil.
It’s like Footloose got fingered by The Devil’s
Advocate.
One of my favorite lines comes after the Juliedemon/Mr. Moorhouse
fight. He’s sitting on his kitchen floor, exhausted, the Juliedemon corpse next
to him. He simply breathes out, “Fuck”, to end the scene.
Couldn’t have said it better myself, Mr. Moorhouse.
Unintentionally funny, but entertaining, little slice of 80s
horror.
3 hatchets (out of 5)
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Leslie Nielsen as Frank Drebin in Police Squad! (1982)
This Static Age’s spotlight
goes to Police Squad! (1982),
starring (the previously serious actor) Leslie Nielsen as the buffoon detective
Frank Drebin, assigned to several cases that he solves with plenty of weirdness.
This police procedure drama satire proved so popular that an entire film
franchise ensued (this will also be covered, in a future installment of A Binge too Far) and indeed the series
had me laughing so hard that my belly was hurting. ‘A Substantial Gift (The
Broken Promise)’ has Sally (Kathryn Leigh Scott) shooting two men dead at point
blank, but as she tells the police a different story, it is now up to Frank to
crack the case. ‘Ring of Fear’ (A Dangerous Assignment)’ directed by Joe Dante
finds Frank against wise guys that fix boxing games. ‘The Butler Did It (A Bird
in the Hand)’ is about a mysterious kidnapping. ‘Revenge and Remorse (The
Guilty Alibi)’ is about a series of bombings. ‘Rendezvous at Big Gulch (Terror
in the Neighborhood)’ is about a crime organization that is bullying small
business owners. ‘Testimony of Evil (Dead Men Don’t Laugh)’ directed by Joe
Dante and starring Dick Miller finds Drebin trying to tackle a drug-pushing
operation.
And now, let’s switch our focus towards some recent series…
Penny Dreadful - Season 2
The 2st season of Penny
Dreadful (2014 – 2016) provides us with further adventures of the
supernatural kind for the dark team that consists of explorer Sir Malcolm
Murray (Timothy Dalton), gun expert Ethan Chandler (the show’s American casting
touch Josh Hartnett), Dr. Victor Frankenstein (Harry Treadaway), and medium
Vanessa Ives (Eva Green). Aside from the eerie material (however chaotic the
mix-up of so many legendary characters), the series also provide some very
interesting thoughts on homosexuality and acceptance, as well as feminism and
religion. In particular, the mid-season romance arc between Dorian Grey (Reeve
Carney) and beautiful transvestite Angelique (Jonny Beauchamp) is a bold queer
statement in itself. Featuring imagery so disturbing that in the 1980s wouldn’t
attract the star cast that it did nowadays, this proves how much times have
changed and it comes highly recommended.
The 3rd season of Fargo
(2014 – present), created by Noah Hawley, is about two brothers (both played by
this installment’s star Ewan McGregor), one a rich businessman and the other a
poor parole officer in love with a gorgeous hooker (Mary Elizabeth Winstead),
they both get involved with the wrong people and have to deal with local
organized crime’s goons. What we get once again is Cohen brothers aesthetics in
the snow and a perfect blend of grimness and humor (very David Lynch-like).
Some subplots seem to be going nowhere (one could only get away with such
ambiguities in post-2000 television), yet they are all somewhat connected.
The 2nd season of Marvel’s Luke Cage (2016 – 2018) finds the titular superhero (Mike Colter)
enjoying the acceptance of the Black community that he gained the last time
around, going as far as having his own app, and occasionally roughing up bad
guys in Harlem that has become really easy on him. That is until he finds his
equal in the form of Bushmaster (Mustafa Shakir), a villain so ruthless that he goes as far as to behead his enemies. This
final season suffers from a slow start, but it picks up later when it becomes a
gang war epic.
And now, please allow me to speak a word or two about a recent
mainstream film…
Godzilla vs. Kong (2021)
Warner Bros.’ Godzilla vs. Kong
(2021) directed by Adam Wingard finds the two titular mega-monsters fighting
against each other due to a conspiracy generated by an evil corporation, but as
the battle ensues several more monsters enter the picture, and believe me, this
is a big picture; made on an estimated $200 million budget this could be
nothing less. A spectacle like no other with breathtaking action scenes and
spectacular CGI, it succeeds because it also respectful of the spirit of Toho’s
kaiju classics. Do not miss it.
And finally, I enriched my bookshelf with the following additions:
Sheridan Le Fanu’s influential lesbian vampire classic Carmilla (1872); Thomas De Quincey’s intense drugs and philosophy
apotheosis Confessions of an English
Opium-Eater and Other Writings (2013, Oxford University Press); and Matt
Ruff’s excellent road story of real and unreal terrors Lovecraft Country (2018, Picador).
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