Movie Review: Beyond the Gates (2016; Destroy All Entertainment; Shout/Scream Factory)

…OK, then. This next beauty on the lot…just know will appeal to one’s embraced nostalgic fervor…yes indeed, my fine folks, we have this finely restored ‘80’s model…very unconventional looking, though absolutely perfect, for one who appreciates that which suggests a measure of weathered, low-brow independent sylye…as opposed to slick, polished and princely…and not-totally-abandoned-nor-forgotten obscurity, once having meandered in a bygone age of excess. Why, just look at that wildly imaginative, albeit random array of curves, corners and points…that varied and eclectic pallet of bleached, though still madly vibrant and contrasting colors, shades & hues. There’s no mistaking it…absolutely screams ‘80’s, doesn’t it?? Hell, yes…feel free to kick the tires…really, aren’t they oh-so uncompromising…so unyielding, and yet, measurably restrictive and reserved, in the sense that they know very well what they are and aren’t capable of. Oh, and by all means, please…feel free to step inside, and take a seat. Yes, take a deep and elating whiff of that interior…that distinctly familiar and provocative air of a time when opportune and spontaneous chances taken…were daring, unconventional, and oh-so imaginatively pretentious…

…it may not be an actual 80’s original, but in pulling out all of our trump cards,…dammit to all hell...uh, quite literally, that is...we’re gonna convince you that it is…

…and so, considering all that…uh, do we have a deal…Hmmmmm!!! (…with widened fiery eyes, and gnarled hands wringing…over, and over, and over again…); oh yes, please think about it…

…and yes, folks...we are going someplace with this, be rest assured...heh, heh, heh...

Movie Review: Tales from the Campfire (2017; Night of Terror Films)

…ya’ know?? This able-scribing reviewer…nay, even more so, this ardent devotee of the cinema macabre and fantastique…hath seen it hundreds of times. Uh, no…not the rather cool lil’ movie, which will momentarily get a sweep of keenly focused and illuminating spotlight, herein. Rather, we’re talking the multitude of times having been in the attentive audience of special screening personal appearances, movie-based lecture events and film convention forums…the film stars, the genre writers, the directors, the filmmakers and behind-the-scenes contributors…often times, once fans themselves, and now embracing their own fans…with the unrelenting gauntlet of varied questions asked by eagerly inquisitive forum attendees…’what was it like, working with (fill in the blank)’…’how did you manage to…’…’what are (you) doing now/what are (you) doing next?’…and so on…

…and time & time again…from the more ambitious few in the audience…the same, if not similar question of ‘…if I wanted to get started, how would I get started…how could I get my stuff out there??’ And without missing a beat…to a varying degree, the seasoned response is almost always, ‘…really?? Just get out there and do it…don’t be afraid of taking the chance, given an unswerving passion, and a respectable measure of resources…even the smallest and unpolished projects, given one’s heart and passion, may be well enough to get the ball rolling…even towards something bigger…’…or well, something along those lines…

Movie Review: 21st Century Serial Killer (2013)

Holy shit, folks. A Chemical Burn Entertainment film that DIDN’T make me want to vomit, take a cat-o-nine tails to my back before swimming through an Olympic-sized pool filled with lemon juice, or gouge out my own eyes? Did...did the apocalypse happen? Has everyone been raptured and I missed it?

I DON’T KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE!!!

21stCentury Serial Killer is about Aaron, a milquetoast every guy who has a big dream -  to be a serial killer. Mostly it’s about being famous, being remembered. He tries to emulate some of the greats - Gacy, Bundy, Son of Sam - but there’s just one problem. He can’t even kill a fly, let alone a human being.

Eventually he meets a girl, settles down, and begins the routine life of a Post Office employee. While he still struggles with his murderous desires, a real serial killer is plaguing his town. With everything he’s studied over the years, Aaron tracks the killer before the cops catch him. Their chance meeting sets Aaron on the path to his dreams.