Blood Orgy of the Damned (2010) Movie Review

I don’t know exactly when this movie was made. I’m going to say it was about 15 years ago but it was re-released in 2010. Not because it was such a fantastic film but because the audio was completely lost and it was recorded at a live event where an improv comedy troupe performed voice overs as the film rolled. As I have not seen the original film with its original audio, I can’t honestly say whether or not the MST3K style set up I viewed makes this better or worse. All I know is I did LOL at a lot of the jokes. Also, I can’t say for sure what the original plot was so I’m making some assumptions based on the troupe humor.

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Blood Orgy of the Damned starts off sometime in the past, possibly the 1700-1800s. Vampire hunter kills a vampire, who adjusts his wig before he bites it. No pun intended. Bad edit later and another vampire appears before the hunter but he looks like he’s from our time (21st century). He dies, too. So much for time travel.

100 years later (though the opening scene looked more like it was 200-300 years ago) a young girl is leafing through an ancient book. She falls asleep, like you do, and dreams about a vampire staring at her, a la Edward Cullen (I only read the first book, I swear), and then a bunch of hands are feeling up her naked body. For a long time. Seriously, there was an inordinate amount of groping in this scene.

This must have given our gal Friday a great idea because the next thing you know, she and a handful of her friends are lighting candles, getting drunk, and then reading from the book to resurrect an ancient vampire (YOU MUST NOT READ FROM THE BOOK!). They all fall asleep and the women dream about being wrapped in gauzy curtains and more groping.

We cut to a ramshackle ramshack where two vampires appear (I assume they’re the ones who have been resurrected?): one dressed in a sailor cap (?) and the other looking like a Victorian fop. Sailor dude crashes the now raging party of our book readers while the fop waits in the dark and eats pastries and sweets and chips that he finds on the landing, in his pockets, etc.

Eventually all the guys at the party get turned into vampires and attack the ladies, who hide in the bathroom while a random handyman shows up to distract the guys. While hiding, one of the girls becomes possessed by the original hunter in order to take out the vamps. But she does a lot of talking to the fop so the girls are captured to become part of a vampire ritual.

*shrugs*

Hunter girl eventually breaks free, kills the vamps, and saves the original girl who found that fucking book in the first place and started all this crap. There is no justice in the world, I tell ya.

SHE-RA!!!

Like I said, this was dubbed over with improv from a comedy troupe so I don’t really know if this is a good or bad movie. Judging from the acting, or over acting I could see, I’m guessing it wasn’t all that great. I’m told it was first and always a comedy film so at least it didn’t take itself too seriously. In fact I’m betting the ‘party scene’ was something these people did every weekend and just decided to film it and add it to the movie.

The camera work is terrible. Very shaky a lot of the time and the zooming in and out of various objects was distracting. But every time the camera zoomed in on boobs the improv guys yelled “TITS” which was hilarious. Editing was bad, too. Jumpy cuts that made the story hard to follow with or without audio, I’m guessing.

The death by bong was sweet. I think someone was killed by a condom. And apparently vamps don’t like toilet humor either. The plunging toilet scene made me gag a bit and I had to stop eating my Reese’s Pieces.

Overall, Blood Orgy of the Damned was mildly entertaining and I’m going to give that credit to the comedy troupe. It was interesting to see David Hayes with hair, though. It's possible I would have enjoyed the original but I guess we'll never know for sure.

1.5 Hatchets (out of 5)

(I can't find a trailer for the film. I'm sure you're all broken up about it.)