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February 6, 2017

Movie Review: Muckman (2009)

While I’m not entirely convinced I’ve not incurred the wrath of someone over at Cinema Head Cheese, I have to say this latest film was not all that shitty. So that gives me hope.
Muckman is the story of a disgraced reality show host, Mick. While trying to prove the existence of a mythical monster, he was exposed as a fraud. Now he’s got a new idea, though not really because it’s just the same shit as before. But the station producer wants proof of a REAL monster, not some crap legend. 

His new crew, and the hot reporter chick from his original show who is a raging diva beeyotch, road trip out to Pennsylvania to find proof of The Muckman, a local legend. After meeting their contact, Hobbs, they go in search of the elusive creature.

Unbeknownst to the new crew, everyone else is in on yet another hoax. They set up ‘proof’ around the forest of Muckman’s existence. Though one member of the crew, Billie, is a hell of a lot smarter than the rest of these bozos and can see through the set-up, it turns out the Muckman might not be such a hoax after all.

You’re shocked, I know. But it’s not just the Muckman these yahoos have to worry about. Something else is lurking in the marshes of Muckman territory.

Nope, not joking.


As far as independent, low budget horror films go, this is pretty standard fare. Terrible writing, awkward acting, unoriginality, sound is uneven, dialogue borders on the ridiculous most of the time, underdeveloped and cliched characters, etc. etc. etc. I am thankful, though, that someone had a stabilizer on the video camera so at least I didn’t feel the need to vomit from motion sickness.

What is NOT standard, for me anyway, is I actually kinda sorta liked this film. First of all, two of the actors were in a terrible movie I reviewed for CHC back in 2014 - Empire of the Apes. Danielle Donahue and Steve Diasparra play Pauline and Mick, respectively. They’re not particularly skilled in their trade, at least not in 2009, but because I’ve watched them before, it made me care about this movie a little more. 

The character of Billie, played by Allison Whitney, was so enjoyable. She’s very tomboyish and sarcastic (which I can totally relate to), smart, tough, and actually kinda cute. Though at least one reaction she has to something unnerving is utterly unbelievable (a strange egg she finds hatches and she shrugs it off), she’s even cool enough to develop a rapport with the Muckman. Kinda that whole King Kong vibe, you know?

It's not B Horror without a half naked girl fight!

The Muckman himself is not terribly horrifying. He looks more like a rip off of Swamp Thing who, we all know, is a hero so it makes MM likable. He’s also not just some raging beast. He connects with Billie so at least one person can understand him and his situation. Daaawwww.
The practical effects are so nice to see. I prefer them over the computer generated bullshit you see so much in a lot of low budget fare, though there is a little of that here. I particularly like the strange baby creature. It looked like an avocado and a gummy worm squid had a baby. Adorbs.

Well, looks like I had quite a few nice things to say about this film. Though it’s not a great movie by any means, it’s really not that bad and parts were very enjoyable. At least I was entertained enough to NOT multitask while watching it.

2 Hatchets (out of 5)




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