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April 3, 2018

I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With (2006) Movie Review

I have no idea what’s in store for me with that title...

In I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With, our hero, James, is a fatty. Not only that, though. He’s also a fatty actor/comedian. But his life is just not going the way he wants. He’s 39 and living with his mother; his girlfriend just broke up with him; his main job is on a TV show called Smear Job where they prank people with the most NOT FUNNY set ups; his agent dumps him, and then he’s fired from his Second City job.

In between all of this, we meet the quirky cast of characters that make up his friends, the ice cream chick who decides to fuck him because she’s never been with a fat guy then cuts him loose, and actually a decent meet-cute with a woman who could end up being a good match for him. You know, when he’s not making a fool of himself by telling her 5-year old students that he needs to get laid.

Basically this film is one of those dramedy, human character studies about life, love, loss, and maneuvering through the world while finding your place in it.

Folks, there’s only one thing worse than watching crap horror films. And that’s watching Woody Allen wanna-be, pretentious, pseudo-intellectual, ‘look how deep and thought provoking and INTERESTING I am though really I’m trite as fuck’, absolute and total drivel.

Writer, director, and star, Jeff Garlin, has done a shit ton of work. I haven't seen the majority of it but he seems like he’d be funny in real life. The ensemble cast is filled with a ton of actors I recognize: Sarah Silverman, Bonnie Hunt (whom I ADORE), Dan Castellaneta, Tim Kazurinsky, Amy Sedaris, just to name of few. There are a LOT more. Not sure if they all crossed paths at Second City or what but whatever.

Don't you have some paste to eat? Go away now. 

I’m not debating the acting talent or comedic caliber available in this movie. I’m just not sure this ended up being a good vehicle to showcase it. The whole flick felt like the John Candy movie, "Only the Lonely", had a one night stand with Steve Martin’s "LA Story", while Woody Allen psychoanalyzed it all into quick anecdotes, stereotypes, and cliches.

I can’t even begin to tell you how bored I was while watching this. And I hate to admit it, but I would rather watch a Chemical Burn film than this utter bullshit (which is good because I have at least 2 more in my DVD stack to review).

Fuck this movie.

0 hatchets (out of 5)

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