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August 26, 2011

Movie Review: The Puppet Monster Massacre (2011)

You know all those movies about people staying in a haunted house to win money for making it through the night? You know, anything from House on Haunted Hill to H20. Those movies are usually not good. Somehow, the makers of The Puppet Monster Massacre thought that making this kind of movie with puppets would somehow make it good. It didn't. Not one little tiny bit.

Buy The Puppet Monster Massacre on DVD

I like alternative ideas. When I heard of this movie, I looked forward to reviewing it. A killer puppet monster just sounds like fun. Even the picture of it is pretty interesting. It all adds up to some good anticipation for me. Unfortunately, this movie runs a little to long... by about seventy minutes.

There are many redeeming things about The Puppet Monster Massacre. It looks good. The puppets are handled well, and they look pretty good. The movie uses animation to handle the effects, and they do a good job. It's somewhere between cartoony and CGI. The blood and gore are rampant, and if you're interested, there is even a pair of puppet boobs.

That all sounds good, right? Sure it does, but that's all worthless without one important piece. A script. That is the biggest downfall of this whole thing. From the first scene, I just don't care about the story. It's a poor update of the movies I already mentioned. The characters are dull. The dialogue is terrible. There are jokes that sound like they were written by someone who wouldn't know funny if it shit in his hair. Someone needed to punch up the script, but nobody did. I felt relief when the credits hit.

The director has talent for the visual, but he needs to abandon screenwriting. He can't write jokes worth anything. I feel like I just sat through the work of an open mic comedian. This was rough, but there's hope for the future.

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