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April 21, 2011

Movie Review: Slaughtered Vomit Dolls (2006)

This is, by leaps and bounds, the worst movie I have ever seen. I really have no idea how this ended up being streamed on Netflix. In a way, it can give anyone hope of having their movie seen, and that's about all of the positivity I can attach to this shit pile. This movie is porn for the sexually retarded. This is simply a vomit fetish snuff film that true basement dwellers can masturbate to.

Buy Slaughtered Vomit Dolls on DVD

There is a plot synopsis for this thing that I really don't want to call a movie. It says something about a girl selling her soul, or something like that. I don't even care. This is garbage, from start to finish. It has no narrative whatsoever, and it's edited in a way that can cause more nausea than The Blair Witch Project in 3D. I have a feeling that's the point. See, this movie is filled with actual vomiting. There are uncut takes of naked girls ramming their hands down their throats and puking. There is a dopey hillbilly that pukes into a mug, drinks it, and pukes again. All of this is set to a soundtrack of obnoxious pulsating noise.

I don't give a shit if you think I'm giving spoilers away. If you actually care, you're probably already masturbating to the description of this enormous waste of time. The worst part of the entire seventy minutes is the cutting in of segments of home video footage of a girl who is approximately six years old. She should be taken away from her parents for allowing her to be interjected throughout this disgusting mess.

The director calls this a new genre: vomit gore. I call it his wet dream. I really hope I never meet him, because I don't know if I could handle the smell of vinegar, water and stomach acid.

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