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December 13, 2011

Movie Review: Minty the Assassin (2010)

Do you remember those bad Misty Mundae movies that Cinemax used to show about ten years ago? Those were Oscar material next to Minty the Assassin. In fact, Minty puts the ass in assassin so many times that the movie could easily be called Minty the Assassassassassassassin. It's really that bad.

Buy Minty the Assassin on DVD

I imagine the phrase, "You know what would be funny?" being spoken many times throughout the writing and making of this movie. Whatever the answer to that question was, it was wrong every single time. The idea is similar in style to Tank Girl. Minty is a comic book character trapped in a world with a slutty vampire, zombies and super villains who can all apparently be defeated with a kick in the balls. Minty spend the majority of her time being let by her kidnapped boss who guides Minty using a cell phone that he somehow mailed to her after he was captured. I guess they let him step out to the post office before they tied him up.

The movie is filled with bad jokes and lame obvious innuendo. Another case of unfunny people trying to be funny. The movie includes terrible animation and the worst "sexy" conversation I've seen since Gigli. If I had to say one good thing about the movie, I would be silent. I just can't figure out how Charles Darwin and Stephen Hawking end up being discussed in the movie. Did the writer think he was going to make this mess look smart?

This is bad from start to finish. If you have nothing to do, and this is sitting in your DVD player, get a hobby. I don't care if you run out into the street and start a bum fighting club. That time would be spent better than watching Minty.

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