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April 1, 2012

Movie Review: Big Money Rustlas (2010)

Many people like to discount the Insane Clown Posse as a pair of talentless idiots whose followers represent the dumbest dregs of American society. I was one of those people. After watching Big Money Rustlas, I would like to be counted as two of those people. Assuming that most ICP fans probably can't count, I don't think that will be a problem. Look, I'm not trying to be one of the "haters." I'm just being honest. These guys aren't good at anything. They aren't good rappers. They are terrible actors. They can't even manage to do a halfway decent job putting on clown makeup. If you think I'm just crapping on this movie because I hate ICP, you're wrong. I really don't care about them one way or another. They seem like nice guys, to be honest. In fact, when I was scanning Netflix for something to watch, I got excited when I saw this title, and I immediately hit play. I pretty well got what I expected.

Fat clown (I don't know which is the fat clown) plays the villain, Big Baby. He is flanked by two morons who are probably attached to ICP's record label, and they are only two of many. If you think the clowns are bad, wait until you see their underlings. Not fat clown (the other one who isn't exactly skinny, but not morbidly obese like his partner) plays the new sheriff in an old Western town. He's the last in a long line of the Sweet family. He returns after his father was killed and all of his brothers failed at carrying the torch. It really doesn't matter what happens the rest of the time. It's a ton of cliche western movie garbage. Mix in hip hop language, stereotypical jokes and a script that could have been scribed by lobotomized mandrills clenching crayons loosely in their rectums, and it's an absolutely perfect recipe for a stunning mess.

The movie is filled with cameos that must have cost hundreds of dollars and probably set VH1's reality TV shooting schedule back a few days. We see Jimmy Walker, Vanilla Ice, Brigitte Nielsen, Jason Mewes, Bridget the Midget, Ron Jeremy, Dustin Diamond, Jimmy Hart, Tom Sizemore, Scott Hall and Todd Bridges. It's almost the most fun thing in the movie. I turned it into a little game of, "That guy's still alive?" It's actually watchable for about forty minutes, but after that, the fun of a good/bad movie goes away. I was just waiting for it to end.

If you're an ICP fan, you've already seen this by now, and you hate me. I don't care. If you love schlocky crap, this is right up your alley. It'll be a decent watch with friends. You'll goof on it and have a few laughs at the expense of the movie. Other than that, it's not worth anything more than background noise.

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