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June 29, 2012

Movie Review: Grindhouse Collection: John Holmes Biggest & Best

The legendary supercock is back! In yet another collection from After Hours Cinema, John Curtis Holmes is featured in his early years probing just about anything he can get his massive appendage in. This time around you get to see four films - Strangers When We Mate, Bed Companions, My Tongue is Quick and Johnny's Sex Stories all from the After Hours Films archives.

In Strangers When We Mate, a group of seven total strangers meet up in some mansion in what looks to be California. A doctor therapist type (who looks like Gabe Kaplan from Welcome Back Kotter fame) encourages the seven horny folks to engage in both one-on-one. Holmes plays a cowboy with an accent thicker than his celebrated wang. The narration by the "doctor" is pretty funny on this one as are the performances, making Strangers When We Mate one of the better films on the set.

Next up, Holmes sets sail on a yacht with some pals as a double agent in My Tongue is Quick. It shouldn’t come as too much as a surprise that he drops his anchor every so often.  Here, we start experiencing a common occurrence on the remaining films on the collection, the narration skills of John Holmes. Holmes is as smooth as they come in this department. No, I kid, it does ad to more unintentional hilarity. Our lead fornicator acts as a voyeur on a few occasions in this one and does everything he can to avoid sea sickness. The blister on his lip is another story.

Bed Companions is my favorite of the bunch. In this little diddy Johnny plays a door-to-door dildo salesman. Again, Holmes is narrating, so you can only imagine the dialogue that we get to listen to throughout.  The first housewife that Johnny sells his toys to, unlike some of the other gals in these movies, is nice to look at. Their scene with Holmes demonstrating his toys and then using his own equipment is one of the more enjoyable sex scenes on the set. She handles the monster as well as any of the great ladies of porn have.

With the first three films being pretty fun the final film is a bit of a disappointment. Johnny’s Sex Stories is essentially a compilation of some of Holmes’ sex scenes from around the early 70’s. We even get to see a scene from My Tongue is Quick again. Its ok, but you’ll probably be fast-forwarding.

The movies look on par to what you may have seen on previous After Hours Collections. The films seem to all have been run through the projector many times. There are the occasional splices but I did think the color was good. The great thing, these are all film and not VHS or tape crap. The extras include several of After Hours’ recent sleazy porn offerings.

Holmes fans should definitely pick this one up. Don’t expect glorious storylines or exotic locales; these are just cheap fun smut films with one of the best adult actors of all time. Recommended.

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