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January 5, 2013

Movie Review: Strippers vs. Werewolves (2012, Blu-ray)

Directed by Jonathan Glendening
Starring Robert Englund, Lysette Anthony and Lucy Pinder
Run Time: 93 minutes

A private dance at a strip joint gets dicey when an aroused patron begins turning into a werewolf and the panicked stripper is forced to kill him with a silver pen in the eye.  When word of the murder gets back to the werewolves fellow gang members they decide to take out their revenge on the owners and dancers at the Silverdollas strip club. Things get further complicated when one of the werewolves realizes his girlfriend happens to be one of the strippers who is now on his gangs menu for the night. Its then up to the group of air-headed floozies to fight off the fanged fiends and save the club before becoming their next meal.

First, let's get to what was good about this blu-ray.

Okay, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, lets talk about how bad this movie blows-
Firstly, with a title like Strippers vs. Werewolves, there is a certain expectation as to what one will be enjoying, (I think you know where I’m going with this). Boobs, titties, bazanga’s... yeah, you're not gonna get much of that. A few quick and random peeks here and there but nothing like what there should have been in my opinion, which was horribly disappointing.

Next, lets move on to the werewolves. I’ve seen some poorly designed nocturnal beasties in my time, (namely, every single werewolf from every Howling sequel ever made) but the werewolves in this flick have reached an all-time low. They are all just guys with long rubber ears, hairy sideburns and bad canine teeth and they’re about as intimidating as those bearded douchebags from the reality show, Whisker Wars.

There was a decent amount of blood in this but it was of the sort where you only see the aftermath of the carnage, no violent acts, just the werewolves approaching and then a decapitated body lying in a pool of blood type of thing, (swing and a miss). Both the script and the acting overall were just a painful experience to watch. Not funny-bad acting, just bad acting.

And lastly, every shit-sundae needs a cherry on the top, and this one comes in the form of poor Robert Englund, who gets top billing in this one in spite of the fact that he only has one scene, a monologue where he is talking some kind of nonsense about werewolves getting revenge or some shit like that. It made no sense and really had nothing to do with the plot. (If nothing else, he’s still capable of keeping a straight face while picking up a paycheck).

Why they bothered giving this the blu-ray treatment is beyond my comprehension. I would recommend steering clear of this one, unless your a collector of all-things-werewolf or have a thing for semi-attractive British pole-dancers.

I score it 4 out of 10

*Producer's commentary
*Behind The Scenes (about 15 minutes worth)

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