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May 10, 2011

Movie Review: The Farm (2009)

I wish I could tell you what The Farm was about. I also wish I cared. It starts out with some guy telling two other guys something about death and life, and then they make some sort of deal. The two guys drive around, and I start to suspect that they're in Ireland because of the accents and the driver being on the right side of the car. Yay for me. I couldn't hear most of what was said in the film, which might be another yay for me. I can only assume that it wasn't worth hearing.

Buy The Farm on DVD

Brain Damage isn't known for Oscar caliber movies. I'm not even sure they're known for watchable movies. I remember one of my early encounters with them called Terror Toons. I still can't shake that dingleberry off my brain. Hell, I'm in a movie they distributed, and that's even tough to sit through. Okay, back to the original mess I sat through.

The Farm has some of the most lackluster everything I've ever seen in a movie. That's right, everything. There is no real effort put in at all. To go back to the sound for a second, three sound guys are credited. I wonder which one thought it was a good idea to use a tin can as a wind screen. The camera work was spectacular, and by spectacular, I mean shitty. There's a scene where a guy gets kidnapped. This was hilarious. The kidnappers just put an open backpack loosely over the victim's head. They don't tie him up or kick his ass, and he doesn't fight back or try to run. Apathy is hysterical.

What starts as a gang movie turns into a horrible knock-off of Eric Stanze's Scrapbook. I'll just call this one Crapbook and save us some time. The aggressor in Crapbook wears a bow tie. Why? Someone must have thought that would make the character quirky. Here's a giant spoiler for anyone who could ever give a shit. Someone dies by lying under a blanket and having someone stab lightly at the bed with a stick nowhere near the person under the blanket. I did get a laugh out of that. The sudden non-ending was also special. You won't get that far. If you do, have yourself examined by a doctor. You might be comatose.

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