Search the Cinema Head Cheese Archives!

October 10, 2010

Book Review: Security Risk by Ed Wood

by David Hayes

As Security Risk truthfully states on the back cover, “If a man can’t be bought with money… Get him a woman!” and semi-truthfully states on the front cover, “Another Pad Library Best Seller.” This is another classic case of Wood’s real-world experience (minus the freaky sex) shoved smack dab into a smut novel. It seems there is a terrorist group killing employees of a small, low budget production company that produces films for the American Government (much like Wood’s stint with Autonetics Aviation). Detective Tom (or Tim, it keeps changing) Wiere of the Los Angeles Police Department is called in, and so is Colonel Harvey Tate… an expert in such matters.

Tate is “hired” on to the production company staff. His true purpose, though, is to ferret out the spy (there’s always a spy) and keep the production company safe. When Tate’s friend and superior is assassinated, the job becomes personal. It becomes even more personal when Tate starts and affair with silver screen superstar Karen Faber. Faber, as a favor to the producer, has agreed to star in one of their low budget pictures. Tate’s first meeting with Faber is classic Wood:

Karen was dressed in a short white skirt which flew up to show her frilly white panties every time she took a swing at the golf ball. Her white angora halter did little to keep her terrific breasts trapped. In the same swing they wanted immediate freedom from the knitted garment which exposed all in a deep “V.”

The intrigue is laid on thick. Tate falls for Faber and is being trailed by a “Big Man.” Tate, of course, loses his pursuer again and again. He joins Ms. Faber on a retreat in the mountains of California and, using his brilliantly deductive mind, solves the mystery of the spy and, along with it, the terrorist activities against the production company.

It seems as if Ms. Faber is actually another country’s spy! Who could have known (besides the fact that she kept referring to “her country” all the time)? Tate couldn’t have known with Faber’s brilliant disguises and attention to detail like this:

Karen got up from the couch and removed her short skirt and panties… Harvey watched her… “My God, you really are a blonde!” He said. Well, the true killer/spy has been found…the production company is safe…the country is rid of a commie…

Tate got to have a ton of sex with movie stars…and, well, that’s about it. With despicable people like Karen Faber and her employers walking the planet, we need a man like Colonel Harvey Tate. Detective Tom-Tim Wiere describes these scoundrels best. He states, “Crud! Lice! Vermin! Maggots! Germs! Take up your ROGET’S THESAURUS and grab any like adjective and you have them summed up.” Gospel, Tim-Tom, gospel.

Security Risk is a frequent guest in online auctions. Most sellers are from Canada. I’m not sure what that has to do with anything. Expect a $75 to $100 price tag but, to be honest, this novel is one of the best so don’t fret (you can explain it to your wife in any number of ways, I do.)

No comments:

Post a Comment