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October 31, 2010

The Movie Burrito: Volume 6 - Schlock and Awe

In this edition of Cinema Head Cheese’s The Movie Burrito, we have four brand-new DVD releases from Cinema Epoch, SubRosa Cinema and Wild Eye Releasing/MVD Visual.

First up, schlock-master (and reality-TV star) Donald Farmer’s Scream Dream, starring the lovely Melissa Moore. The wicked lead-singer of a god awful heavy metal band possesses buxom beauty, Jamie Summers (Melissa Moore).There’s some blood, a couple pairs of enhanced teets but Scream Dream is truly a rough watch. It opens somewhat well with a topless minx getting chainsawed in her bed, but from there, it drops into a black-hole of ineptness .Don’t get me wrong, I live for movies like this, but Scream Dream is one of the poorest examples of “heavy metal horror”.Even eclipsing, Ferd and Beverly Sebastian’s, Rocktober Blood. The picture quality is also an area where this release fails - it looks like it was sourced from a 10th generation EP tape! Sound quality isn’t that much better, as it hums and buzzes like one of Grandma’s old vibrators. There is a great SubRosa trailer reel though!

 Next in the burrito filling is yet another gooey layer of bottom-of-the barrel schlock: Scream Queens Illustrated – Swimsuit Sensations and Knockout Workout, again, from SubRosa Cinema. This is a double-feature, but is essentially the same thing: girls in bathing suits that tease the camera but fail to show what the target audience wants to see, boobs. Each film(video) appear to have been shot on the same day in the same rich guy’s backyard. Both films feature scream queens,Veronica Carothers, Melissa Moore(again) and an exotic beauty named Jasae. The ladies talk and talk and talk some more, about dieting, stretching and how they keep they’re physiques – all to the beats of a $20 Casio playing reggae. The video and sound quality is the same as Scream Dream, only a bigger and nosier vibrator rapes your eardrums.

It's been a rough start to the Burrito this week. Can we possibly recover with Bill Zebub’s Dolla Morte from Wild Eye Releasing?? Dolla Morte stars dozens of anatomically correct Barbie dolls, G.I Joes and even a WWE Big Boss-Man toy. This bizarre piece of cinema is bound to get compared to Robot Chicken and Team America (Hell it says it on the back cover!) but Dolla Morte manages to take it even further than either of those. Dolla Morte is pretty sick and demented stuff. These dolls really do some heinous things that even I couldn't think of, when I pitted my Kenner and Hasbro all-star teams against each other. Highlights include: rampant and scathing political humor, some XXX rated doll fucking and messy jizz shots, the Pope taking a shit in the woods and plenty of doll carnage. Dolla Morte isn’t Team America or Robot Chicken, but it’s oddly amusing in it’s own ultra-cheap kind of way. No extras here either, other then a few trailers for Wild Eye Releasing’s other DVD’s.

Cinema Epoch is continuing to dip in the Japanese talent pool. Their release of Yohei Fukuda’s, gruesome Saw rip-off, Death Tube is just one of several imports catching the attention of Cinema Head Cheese staff. Death Tube is a surprisingly well made splatter film that makes you forget it's an imitator for at least a little while. Death Tube is a live internet show that shows ordinary folk’s being slaughtered - if they can’t decipher a puzzle or complete other numerous tasks like swinging a hoola-hoop around their waist. Eight avid viewers of Death Tube ,get to be the “star” of their own Death Tube show. Some serious blood-shed ensues once these folks are locked in their Death Tube rooms. We get to see graphic head-drilling, neck slicing and a nice decapitation that looks like something out of one of the Guinea Pig films. Death Tube isn’t strong if your looking for a horror film with a rich narrative and it's also too long(clocking it a near two hours). What it is though, is an enjoyable exploitation film, that has some flashes of visual brilliance. Fukuda is definitely an up-and-comer to watch if you follow Japanese cult cinema. Cinema Epoch’s release has a few extras: a slide-show and some trailers for Cinema Epoch DVD’s.

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