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October 24, 2010

Movie Review: Stan Helsing (Blu-Ray)

I really can’t believe I made it all the way through this. The owners of the Scary Movie franchise, or the creators of Date Movie and Disaster Movie and whatever Movie Movie is out there should thank the heavens above, because Stan Helsing has set the bar so low that even the Arizona legislature could pull off a better show. Uugh, let’s get this over with.

Stan Helsing (Steve Howey) is a slacker that works in a video store. He is descended from the famousVan Helsing that killed Dracula and a group of poorly spoofed movie monsters needs to end the bloodline. When I say poorly spoofed, I mean really bad. How about a Jewish Michael Meyers (because that makes so much sense), a Pinhead dart rip and a Jason-esque character among others? Whatever. So, Stan gets stranded, with his friends, in a weird little town on Halloween where Leslie Nielson, in drag, manages to say some stupid dialogue.

Bo Zenga, the executive producer of Scary Movie, wrote and directed this… this… thing. The humor was flat and the horror element, designed to play to the genre’s funny bone was more insulting than humorous. Sadly, there are probably more of these in the works.

On the plus side, the rest of the world can confirm that Americans are culturally deficient when the only things we can export are bad remakes of their films and this crap. I am going on record here; creating Stan Helsing was an act of treason.

Stan Helsing is available on DVD and BluRay from Anchor Bay . If you want to check it out, and I question your sanity if you do, use the handy dandy link to the left there and give a little something back to the Cheese.

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