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November 22, 2013

Movie Review: Fear the Forest (2009, Radient Pictures/Lost Empire Pictures)

...as prevalent as the 'mythical' creature, know as Sasquatch...or, if you prefer, Bigfoot...is, as far as horror movie fodder goes, it's genuinely not surprising that an outright seriously horrific rending of the big guy, has rarely come to light. Considering the campy, 'National Enquirer' sensationalist baggage already instilled upon the urban legend creature, right from the get go, it's understandable why such subject matter can hardly be taken too seriously. There's no escaping the juxstapositioned stereotypes associated with even a well-written 'Bigfoot' film production...the sensationalist and speculative semi-documentary remplifications...the prerequisite 'astounding' finds and clues, attributed to the creature's 'existence', including conveniently happenstance film footage, hair tuft clippings and countless cement castings of footprints...the crazed, drunken, unshaven, raggedy 'Festus' geezer stereotype, ranting to the local-yokels, wide-eyed tourists, and the ravaging, exploitative-driven press, "...well, tar'nation...I dun' saw Bigfoot once...dat' critter dun' made a ear-shatterin' sound in them thar' woods, I wouldn' wanna hear twice!!" Or putting a whispered scare into hapless, shivering campers, cuddled around a rustic campfire, while toking a skunked bottle of hooch, "...ya' see, folks...dar's a legend in these here parts..."...


...eh, every once in a while, someone might infuse a bit of something unconventional into the hairy reclusive one...some terrorizing, some tenderizing, some terrifying tossing and tearing; however, for the most part, it seems to always roll back to that ol' soused, southern fried hick, claimantly spouting, '...heh, I dun' saw Bigfoot, once..." And with the recent micro-budgeted take on the lumbering, simian-faced ol' boy...called (...uh, prepare to sh-sh-sh-shudder, folks...) "Fear the Forest"...well, that cinematic track record is by far, in no danger of being kicked to the curb, any time soon. In fact, the film just might actually whittle away, any remaining semblance of credibility...if any...on the so-called legend...

...right off the bat, cue the multiple-channel 'special bulletin' news broadcasts, as well as the hick, rustic, down-home eyewitness accounts from the local yokel folk. A series of Catskill woods-based killings, by what is suspected to be a 'Bigfoot' like creature, gives cause to call in a local posse group of vigilantes, as well as a well-armed cadre of mercenaries...both groups of which duke it out for the right to claim a posted two-and-a-half million dollar bounty on the evasive creature. When they believe that they'd killed, or more like dismissed what they thought might be the murderous monster, the surviving hunters stand down, and the local populous breathes a sigh of relief...that is, until...

...several years later, a hapless group of college kids...amongst them, a governor's daughter...naturally, ignoring the warnings from locals...brave the cursed woods, for a bit of reckless fun and adventure. Led by a local guide, who seems conspicuously way too familiar with the horrific legends of the area, yet at the same time, too eager, quick and prone to relate the local horror legends to the kids...thus, goading them further...nonetheless, trek through the dark and thicketed forest...unaware that they are being watched...being stalked by something...or rather, some thing. When the kids begin disappearing...one-by-one...and are found later, dead, it becomes suspiciously apparent that something in the woods has awoken, and has continued a most horrific legacy. Has Bigfoot returned to claim more victims...or is there something more sinister and diabolical, at work, here??...


...huh-boy!! (...followed by a sigh, and a bowed, 'tsk, tsk, tsk' head shake) Where, oh where to start, with this one?? As much as this open-minded viewer really gets a kick out of ambitious little independent horror film productions...those that strive to do as much, and as best they can, with very little resources and fundage...those that competently strive forward, knowing fully what they can do, can't do, and still manage to have some fun, doing it...when it appears that the proceedings within the film production, both in front of and behind the camera, come across as overly conventional, contrived and lazy...and it shows...well, it makes one think, "...eh, why bother??" Granted, there are lower expectations, when it comes to watching a low-budget film...and as such, would give cause for the viewer to lower one's standards, in order to appreciate such a film...that is understandable; but when a genre film can't fulfill it's intent, on even on a campy, chuckle-inducing, 'so-bad-it's-good' level...again, why bother?? There's only so much, in that respect, that one can forgive...

...but then, this viewer knew that there had to be trouble in paradise, when the film's synopsis, on the back of the DVD case, reeked of hither-tither wording, punctuation and grammar...even redundant-sounding, in places (...uh, did the Great Criswell, from the Edward D. Wood movies, write this, or what??). Then, moving right along, there's the scenes where...

...de-de dee de-de-de dee dee de-de-de dee de-de dee.....We Interrupt This Movie Review For A Special News Bulletin...FLASH!! "Eyewitness reports have confirmed that the creature, known as Bigfoot, actually looks like a hilarious cross between Rawhead Rex, and one of the monsters from 'Where the Wild Things Are'".....We Now Return You To The Regularly Scheduled Movie Review.....

...and their performances alone...the whole lot of them...is enough to warrant engagement of that handy-dandy fast-forward button. How about the little subplot, involving our martial arts-skilled senator's daughter sorority gal, respectably showing that she could kick some serious butt, early on...but acts like a helpless gal-in-distress, once she hits the woods...that is, until the final battle, where she finally unloads a can of whoop-ass, all over...Now, now...wouldn't want to give away that ludicrous twist ending, do we...though, at this point, this viewer was open to entertaining the sight of this gal, unleashing her 'fists of fury' on ol' Bigfoot, himself; after all, things couldn't possibly get any more ridiculous, right?? Well, actually...they could...and we're not just referring to the laughable way-back flashback scenes of Indian settlers, waxrapsonically talking about not challenging the local 'god'...with subtitles that even call the monster, Bigfoot...and wearing dime-store costumes and make-up. "Dances with Bigfoot", anyone??

...poor writing, poor photography, poor performances, poor make-up and costumes...not to mention, stuck in VOD/DVD-R hell, since 2009...that is, until recently, when a hapless distributor decided to brave the waters, on this one. It pretty much adds up to something, even Bigfoot-ophiles wouldn't even dare to.....Uh, that's it, folks...All done...I want my 100 minutes-plus back (...slapping hands back and forth, giving a resigning shoulder shrug, turning around, and walking out of the spotlight, into the darkness...)...

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