Movie Review: The Big Tits Zombie (2010)

Directed by Takao Nakano

Starring Sora Aoi, Mari Sakurai and Risa Sakurai

In the mood for some low-budget, D-movie Asian schlock? Well, step right up my friend. As long as your expectations don't run too high you may get a kick out of the Big Tit Zombies.

Buy The Big Tits Zombie on DVD

The story surrounds a group of strippers who look as if they spend their time locked in a dressing room and only allowed out when its time to go on stage. During a cat-fight in their room they inadvertently knock over some box's and discover a hidden door which leads them to a basement where they find some type of necronomicon book. Which of coarse one of the girls reads from and releases a horde of zombies which always seem to appear from nowhere. One of the girls learns how to control the zombies from reading passages from the book and decides to become a villain, a couple of the girls are killed and we are left with the last 2 strippers who become zombie slayers. Pretty standard stuff as far as non-existent plots go.

Movie Review: The Thing From Another World (1951)

Directed by Howard Hawks, Christian Nyby

Starring Kenneth Tobey, Margaret Sheridan and James Arness

Run time- 87 minutes


A distress signal is sent from a scientific outpost near the North Pole to the nearest U.S. Air Force base, a thousand miles away in Alaska. Radar and other instruments have detected a large metallic object entering the atmosphere and crashing into the ice, a short distance from the outpost. Quickly taking action, the Air Force commander dispatches a rescue and recovery team, thinking the object may possibly be a secret Russian aircraft of some type.

Soon after ariving at the outpost, Captain Patrick Hendry (Kenneth Tobey) and his crew, along with a few of the scientists from the outpost, led by Dr. Kerrington (Robert Cornthwaite) take the short plane ride in search of the crash site. With the object causing major magnetic disturbances to their navigation equipment, they are forced to home in on the object with a Geiger counter and eventually find their quarry, a mysterious ship, completely submerged in a layer of solid ice.

A severe miscalculation in their attempt to free the ship causes it to self-destruct though, and at the moment they think the find of the century has been lost they then discover that there is something else trapped in the ice not far away, something that looks eerily like a man.....a very, very, large man.
Using axes they then free the strange looking being, taking care to keep it locked safely in a block of ice and return it to the outpost.

Movie Review: Evil Head (2012, Burning Angel Entertainment)

Directed by Doug Sakmann
Starring Tommy Pistol, Joanna Angel and Kleio
Run Time: 147 minutes

Okay, quick, without thinking about it too hard... what are your two favorite genre’s of movies? Okay, time's up... now if you said, “Horror & Porn” I’m here to tell you that you're not alone on this (and we’re probably the only ones who aren't lying to ourselves about it). These are two genre’s that allow us to indulge our inner-beast. To vicariously partake in the spilling of blood and... well, other bodily fluids.

Burning Angel’s Evil Head is the porn parody of one of our all-time favorite horror classic’s, Evil Dead, so it is first and foremost a porn flick, but manages to do something that nearly every other porno fails to do, and that's tell a cool and familiar story in a truly funny and entertaining way.

Movie Review: The Day The Earth Stood Still (1951, Twentieth Century Fox)

The Day The Earth Stood Still (Twentieth Century Fox, 1951)

Directed by Robert Wise
Starring Michael Rennie, Patricia Neal and Hugh Marlowe
Run Time- 92 minunes
Rated-G

The term "Classic" gets thrown around quite a bit in the coarse of conversation, in regards to movies and film. And as any fan of film knows, the term is quite subjective. In the realm of the science fiction/alien invasion genre for instance, movies like The Thing From Another World, War of the Worlds and Invaders From Mars are almost always the first to be mentioned in this regard, and rightfully so. They are all magnificent examples of the "Cold War Era Mentality" that sci-fi film makers of the 50's were so heavily influenced by. All aliens from space were evil, they lusted for our resources, craved our blood or wanted to take over the bodies of our parents. They were to be destroyed at all cost, usually by a clever combination of military might and scientific know-how. That's just how we rolled back in the 50's. The first film to buck this trend (ironically, even before there was a trend), was Twentieth Century Fox's- The Day The Earth Stood Still.
An unknown object is discovered to be orbiting the Earth at 4000 miles per hour. Nations from around the globe are tracking it and radio stations reporting on its every movement. A quiet unease quickly turns to fear and panic as the object, a large flying disc, eventually makes its landing in a park in Washington D.C.

Movie Review: The Black Scorpion (1957)

Directed by Edward Ludwig

Starring Richard Denning, Mara Corday and Carlos Rivas

Run time: 88 min.

Rated:G

　

Deep in the heart of Mexico a giant volcano has suddenly sprung forth from the earth, causing massive earthquakes and widespread devastation. In the small village of San Lorenzo not only are they dealing with lava-flows and earthquakes but with a giant, deadly six legged creature that has risen from the depths to wreak havoc on the local farmers and ranchers.

An American geologist, Hank Scott (Richard Denning) and his Mexican counterpart, Arturo Ramos (Carlos Rivas) are sent to investigate and report on the damage caused by the volcanic upheaval but soon after arriving in San Lorenzo find that the damage caused by mother nature is nothing compared to the trail of bloody death left behind by....The Black Scorpion.

In their first attempt at killing the giant insect, our two geologists, along with a young stow-away, are lowered by a crane down into a giant crack in the ground. Armed with only pistols and bug-spray they quickly discover that they are woefully ill-equipped for an extermination as they find that the cavern is infested with an entire horde of scorpions, as well as a ferocious trap-door spider the size of a beer keg and another creepy-crawly resembling a giant worm with claws. Barely escaping with their lives from the cavern, our two hero’s realize not only did they fail in their mission but that the entire horde of scorpions has followed them out of the hole and are now running loose and rampaging across the Mexican landscape. Soon after this the scorpions decide to start attacking each other and eventually only the alpha-scorpion is left alive, and is headed straight for Mexico City. With some quick thinking and the help of the Mexican Army, Hank and Arturo are able to lure the beastie into a soccer stadium using a truck full of raw meat as bait. It is here where the final battle takes place between the Black Scorpion and a fleet of army tanks and helicopters.

Movie Review: Onna Harakiri Sakuhinshu (1990)

Written by Yuuri Sunohara

Starring Yuuri Sunohara

This was my first personal foray into the seedy underbelly of Japanese fetish cinema, aside from a vomit-fetish porn I stumbled across while looking for Harry Potter books online once. And I must confess, before viewing it I had no idea there was a whole and distinct sub-genre of horror dealing exclusively with ritualistic suicide, otherwise known as Harakiri. Just another reason why I love Japanese cinema, those crazy bastards just have no boundaries when it comes to inappropriate shit. I'll simply refer to it as “art house snuff”, that has a nice ring to it and gives it an air of integrity.

Movie Review: Climb It, Tarzan! (2011, Independent Entertainment)

Directed by Jared Masters
Starring Jennicka Andersson, Jamie Devitt and Zrinka Dozic
Run Time: 75 minutes
Unrated

The time is the sixties, its the dawn of the sexploitation era and aspiring model Ginger (Jamie Devitt) learns the only available photo assignments are for naughty men’s magazines, and that she must risk eviction or succumb to the sadistic perversions of dominating lesbian photographer Paula (Jennicka Andersson). As naive Ginger discovers first-hand that there is no chance of becoming a wholesome pin-up queen, her secretive sister Janet (Jessica Hichborn) takes a job as a go-go dancer, baring her flesh by night and living out of a Venice Beach sailboat by night.

Billed as a tribute to sexploitation cinema, Climb It, Tarzan! consists of an all-female cast of over fifty young budding starlets, most of which are more then willing to “drop the top” for the camera of the creepy but hot Scandinavian photographer Paula. In all honesty this movie started out quite nicely, with a nude photo-shoot followed by the hapless model getting chloroformed and molested by the photographer. Five minutes in I’m thinking to myself, “Gentlemen, we have a winner!” Unfortunately it was all pretty much a free-fall into the lamest, most yawn-inducing recesses of bad-cinema imaginable from that point forward.

Movie Review: The Bunny Game (2010)

There were a lot of things about The Bunny Game that I loved, and there were just as many things about it that didn't resonate with me at all, so before we start dissecting, lets do a quick plot review. Warning: I'm going to spoil the ending for you.

The film begins by giving us a glimpse into the life of Bunny (played by Rodleen Getsic), a truly tragic character, and a hopelessly drug addicted prostitute. Her life is spent in a cocaine-induced haze as she splits her time between aimlessly staggering through the streets and being used and abused by random strangers for money that is only used to fuel her drug use. Not long after being robbed by one of her customers, she stands on a desolate street corner smoking a cigarette and it is then that a semi truck & trailer pulls up next to her. Without thinking twice she jumps into the cab and there she meets Sticky Fingers (played by Norwood Fisher), a creepy old guy who she assumes is looking for sex. After sharing her drugs with him, Sticky Fingers soon makes it quite clear that he’s not interested in just a blowjob, and after a short scuffle Bunny ends up unconscious and Sticky Fingers is headed out onto the open road, with his new prize in tow.

Movie Review: Cherry Tree Lane (2010, Image Entertainment)

Directed by Paul Andrew Williams
Starring Rachael Blake, Tom Butcher and Jumayn Hunter
Run Time: 77 minutes

Mike, Christine and their son Sebastian appear to be living a fairly comfortable and safe life in their home on Cherry Tree Lane. All of that is about to change though, as one night their home is invaded and taken over by three teenage thugs who are looking to exact revenge on young Sebastian for apparently dropping the dime on one of the hoodlum’s cousins, who ended up in prison for ten years. With Sebastian being off at football practice, the thugs tie up his parents and hunker down, waiting for Sebastian's return. What ensues is a night of terror for the mother and father, as they are tortured and tormented, always with the looming thought that their young son will surely be slain the moment he arrives back home.

Movie Review: Gut (2012)

Movie Review: Gut (2012)
Directed by Elias
Starring Jason Vail, Nicholas Wilder and Sarah Schoofs
Run Time: 90 minutes

Two life-long friends, Tom and Dan are both stuck in the same dead-end monotonous desk job. Tom is married to a beautiful wife and has a young daughter who loves him, but he seems to be missing something in his life. Except for his one friend, Dan is a loner. A guy creeping close to middle age who has no life other then watching horror films and eating lunches with his buddy every afternoon at the local diner.

Life is just plodding along for these two until the day when Dan invites Tom over to watch a mysterious DVD that he supposedly bought online. As they sit down to watch it over beers, Tom is horrified to see that what they are watching appears to be a snuff film showing a woman being gutted with a blade by an unknown assailant. Dan seems to be enthralled by what he’s watching while Tom storms out in disgust.

Movie Review: Bloody Christmas (2012)

Directed by Michael Shershenovich
Starring Steve Montague, Robert Youngren and Robert Arensen
Run Time: 91 minutes
Rated: Unrated

In a small town, police are on the hunt for a child murderer. Meanwhile, has-been 80‘s action star Rich Tague plays Santa Claus on a local public access TV show and secretly fantasizes about killing anyone and everyone who pisses him off. After losing his job and his motor-home in the same day, Rich (Santa Claus), decides its time to drown his sorrows in a bottle of bourbon which he buys with a bag full of pennies and contemplates his bleak future and the fact that the true spirit of Christmas has been lost to commercialism.

Movie Review: The Hellcats (1968, Cheezy Flicks)

Directed by Robert Slatzer

Starring Ross Hagen, Dee Duffy and Sharyn Kinzie
Run Time: 90 minutes
Rated: R

When an undercover narcotics agent is killed by a mafia boss’s hitman, his brother, a battle weary Vietnam veteran, and the dead agents grieving girlfriend decide to avenge his death by going undercover to infiltrate a biker gang known as The Hellcats. The Hellcats happen to be employed by said mafia boss as drug runners and Monte, (Ross Hagen) don’s his riding leathers and does his best bad-boy impersonation to gain favor in the gang.  Once he and Linda, (Dee Duffy) pass their initiation into the gang they are immersed in the seedy world of the biker gang lifestyle, doing all the fun stuff outlaw bikers did back in the 60‘s... like drinking Busch beer, smoking seedy, stemmy dirt weed, dropping acid and killing each other for no apparent reason. Let the good times roll! After the party comes to a screeching halt due to a drug deal gone bad, Linda is kidnapped by the mafia boss and its up to Monte to save not only her but his new friends, The Hellcats, from certain death.

Movie Review: Triad Wars (2008)

Directed by Dennis Law
Starring Sammo Hung Kam-Bo, Simon Yam and Niu Tien
Run Time: 117 minutes
Rated: R

In the midst of a violent gang war, a powerful Triad leader is faced with losing a grip on his power. As his empire slowly crumbles from within and his trust in those closest to him dwindles, violence escalates as the Triad starts clashing with other Triads among the Hong Kong community. Faced with his only option, he’ll resort to violent ways to regain his status and reclaim the respect of his Triad.

This was a movie that for me just seemed to bite off way more then it could chew. There was nothing about the story-line itself that was disagreeable, and in fact I have a hard time disliking any type of Asian gang-war movies. I mean, who doesn't like well choreographed blood soaked sword-fights? And all those hot Asian cuties who make their way into these kinds of films? And indeed, Triad Wars offers fairly decent doses of both of those things. So what's not to like?

Movie Review: Strippers vs. Werewolves (2012, Blu-ray)

Directed by Jonathan Glendening

Starring Robert Englund, Lysette Anthony and Lucy Pinder
Run Time: 93 minutes

A private dance at a strip joint gets dicey when an aroused patron begins turning into a werewolf and the panicked stripper is forced to kill him with a silver pen in the eye.  When word of the murder gets back to the werewolves fellow gang members they decide to take out their revenge on the owners and dancers at the Silverdollas strip club. Things get further complicated when one of the werewolves realizes his girlfriend happens to be one of the strippers who is now on his gangs menu for the night. Its then up to the group of air-headed floozies to fight off the fanged fiends and save the club before becoming their next meal.

First, let's get to what was good about this blu-ray.

Movie Review: Mysterious Island - Captain Harding’s Fabulous Adventures! (1952- Cheezy Flicks)

Mysterious Island- Captain Harding’s Fabulous Adventures! (1952 - Cheezy Flicks)

Directed by Spencer Gordon Bennet

Starring Richard Crane, Marshall Reed and Karen Randle
Run-Time: 252 minutes

The year is 1865, the Civil War is raging and a small group of Union prisoners use a military balloon to escape from a Southern Prison camp. The balloon drifts for days and finally lands on a mysterious volcanic island filled with some very strange inhabitants. Also landing, (in a space ship that looks like a tea kettle) is Rulu, a somewhat hot female from Mercury and her band of henchmen. Rulu and her crew are there seeking a radioactive material that will enable them to manufacture an explosive that will destroy the entire Earth. Its up to Captain Harding and his men to not only stop Rulu from accomplishing her evil plans but fight off natives, pirates and a wild-man, as well as dealing with the enigmatic Captain Nemo himself.

Movie Review: The Faculty (1998, Blu-ray Edition)

Directed by Robert Rodriguez
Starring Jordana Brewster, Clea Duvall and Laura Harris

Some very weird shit is going down at Harrington High School. Shortly after one of the students finds a strange little creature on the schools football field, all hell begins to break loose, as the teachers seem to have been taken over by a mysterious force and not long after, the students themselves begin to become “possessed” by some sort of alien entity that is taking over the minds of everyone in sight. A small group of five students find themselves the only ones left to figure out the mystery and attempt to defeat the alien take-over before they too fall victim to the mind-controlling parasites which are now running their school.

Movie Review: Godzilla vs. Biollante (1989, Blu Ray)

Directed by Kazuki Ohmori
Starring Kunihiko Mitamura, Yoshiko Tanaka and Masanobu Takashima
Run Time: 104 minutes

Dr. Shiragami has been genetically engineering a form of indestructible plant life using a rare supply of Godzilla cells. This experiment has brought a strange new form of plant life into existence: Biollante, massive yet peaceful in every way.....until Godzilla returns once again to wreak havoc upon Japan. It is only then that something within Biollante stirs and the plant must fight to save her creator and the land she loves. It’s the super-beast Battle of the Century when Godzilla and Biollante come face-to-face in an explosive fight to the finish.

Movie Review: Rudyard Kipling's Mark of the Beast (2012)

Directed by Jonathan Gorman, Thomas Edward Seymour
Starring Ellen Muth, Debbie Rochon and Margaret Rose Champagne
Run Time: 72 minutes

When one thinks of Rudyard Kipling the first thing’s that usually comes to mind are the wild-boy Mowgli, his friend Baloo the bear and the classic children's story The Jungle Book. What a lot of people don't know (myself included before seeing this movie), is that Kipling also wrote some pretty dark little short stories, among them the one that this movie is based on.

Movie Review: The Expendables 2 (2012)

Directed by Simon West
Starring Sylvester Stallone, Liam Hemsworth and Randy Couture
Run Time: 103 minutes

The team from The Expendables is back in action once again and this time they sign on for a mission that looks like an easy paycheck for Barney and his band of old-school mercenaries. But things go sour, and one of their own is killed by a psychotic terrorist-for-hire. Hell bent for payback, they cut a swath of destruction through enemy territory and mow down everything in their path. In the midst of the mayhem, they must also shut down an unexpected threat in the nick of time- preventing five tons of weapons grade plutonium from falling into the wrong hands, as well as save a village that is being tortured and used as slave labor by the mercenaries.

Movie Review: The Rains of Ranchipur (1955, Blu-Ray, Twilight Time)

Review: The Rains of Ranchipur (1955 Blu-Ray Edition)
Directed by Jean Negulesco
Starring Lana Turner, Richard Burton and Fred McMurray
Run Time: 104 minutes

Filmed in CinemaScope by Twentieth Century Fox, The Rains of Ranchipur tells the story of Lady Edwina Esketh (Lana Turner), who is in a loveless marriage of convenience to the henpecked Lord Albert Esketh (Michael Rennie). They basically spend their lives traveling the world, where Edwina enjoys taking lovers at every available stop along the way. Lord Albert is quite aware his wife is a trollop but basically just goes with the flow and deals with it as it comes.