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October 30, 2016

TV Review: Haters Back Off! (Netflix, 2016)

I will generally give any show a few episodes before I quit watching it. Sometimes, I'll sit through whole seasons, just to be agitated and disappointed. Take seasons 5-7 of Mad Men, for example. I sat around waiting hour after hour for something interesting or entertaining to happen, and it never did. John Hamm, who I don't blame at all for the disastrous nose dive of that series, actually got an Emmy for the last season. I suppose anyone should be rewarded for gracefully choking their way through the demise of something that was once brilliant. I was smarter with shows like Dexter and Game of Thrones. These shows that people inexplicably love play out in such a flat and dull manner that I dove off the ship after a very short stint. Hate me for saying it all you want. They're terrible shows. I'm sure I'll get the same level of hate for this mess based on a popular YouTube star.

Sure, the title expects people like me to chime in. I get it. When you share hundreds of videos on YouTube, you're bound to get some horrible reactions. Miranda Sings is the creation of Colleen Ballinger, and she is everything a delusional YouTuber should be. She believes she has talent, which she doesn't. Her friends and family tell her how good she is, which she isn't. People online tell her to keep going, which she shouldn't. She's bad. She's Chocolate Rain bad. Her singing is blocked up and nasal. Thanks to her uncle, she starts a YouTube channel, and her videos start to get hits, mostly from a boy who likes her.

October 29, 2016

Movie Review: The Midnight Swim (2016)

Reviewed By: James D.

Talk about a total shocker. Watching the trailer for this film and looking at the box art, I was expecting a low budget horror film. What I got was something truly unforgettable. This is the story of a body of water actually, and it is called Spirit Lake. I do not admit this often, but I have a phobia of water. ( I do bathe, so I am not talking about running water in a house) I am afraid of the open water. So, a film to base itself around water, will peak my interest. We are told that this lake is so deep, that there may not be a bottom?

The Midnight Swim is about three sisters and one guy friend who are trying to cope with the disappearance of the ladies mom. All they know is that their mom went diving one day, and never came back. The three sisters in their mom’s house start to become intoxicated with the notion that this lake holds such a odd mystery to it. This film is told thru the camera lens. The home video hand style this film displays, gives this film such a rich intimacy about it. This film deals with loss, and it handles it in such a light yet effective way. Where you would think this film would be heavy handed with emotion, trying to grip your heartstrings, this film shows us not what death holds on us, but what life gives us.

C.H.U.D, The Driller Killer and More!!

MVD Entertainment Group furthers the distribution of Arrow Video in the US with three great new titles in November. The month kicks off with The Initiation on Blu-ray, one of the best of the college-based slasher movies of the 1980s. One of the later entries into the genre, it had horror fans hooked with its tense stalk 'n' slash scenes and it's surprising twist of an ending.

The horror continues with C.H.U.D., the classic 80s horror featuring the Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers making their long-awaited debut on Blu-ray with a brand new restoration from original film elements.
Last but by no means least comes Arrow Video's landmark release of The Driller Killer as a both Limited Edition SteelBook and standard Dual Format release. One of the most infamous of the UK video nasties, Abel Ferrara's psychological horror masterpiece is presented fully uncut and comes with several new, exclusive special features.

October 25, 2016

Movie Review: Killbillies (2016)

Reviewed By: James DePaolo
Welcome to Eastern Europe. Killbillies will have us believe that the population of Slovenia is fucked. Women are either models or batshit insane. ( Some may qualify as both) The men are either too weak to fight, out to get women drunk and try to take advantage or crazed hillbillies. So, there is not really much to deferianant their culture from ours. The locale of Slovenia makes a great setting for this horror film. The story centers on an ex model named Zina. She agrees to do a photoshoot in the country. The photographer is Blitcz who along with his assistant Dragica and airheaded but over-ambitious model Mia are going to make the best of this. The photoshoot is a nightmare already with all the complaining from Mia. The nightmare gets worse, as Mia spots in the distance two crazed hillbillies coming their way. The two deformed hillbillies are Franci and Vintlr. Right off the bat, the two bully the group. One thing leads to another, and the group are abducted by the two.They are trapped inside this dungeon of sorts waiting for what can happen to them next.

Killbillies is a very fun horror film. It gives us a new vision of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre premise. The film while does start off slow. It seems that when the 30 minute mark hits, this film is just an all out insane ride. The violence in this movie is intense as is the blood and gore moments. This is also one of the first horror films in recent memory, that a character started off annoying but you gain sympathy for them. The people involved in this film, clearly are horror fans and wanted to change the cliche elements. 

October 17, 2016

Movie Review: Mascots (Netflix, 2016)

Netflix has grabbed some big names since starting to produce their own movies and television shows. While series seems to be what most of us focus on, they've been quietly ramping up their movie production. Adam Sandler is a third of the way through his six movie deal, Ricky Gervais recently shared both a series and movie on the platform, documentaries are flowing like water, and now Christopher Guest has added a film to the service. His latest mockumentary focuses on a competition between the top twenty team mascots from around the world. It's basically Best in Show with a different setting, but it's still worth watching.

We start with Mike and Mindy Murray (Zach Woods and Sarah Baker) as a couple who performs as an octopus and turtle, respectively, for their local baseball team. The two are clearly in a difficult marriage, partly because of infidelity. Their on screen awkwardness is perfectly uncomfortable, because we've all known or been this couple. In contrast, we see a lovely English couple, the Gollys (pronounced Jolly). Owen Jr. is a third generation soccer mascot trying to prove himself to his father. Chris O'Down is an aggressive hockey mascot known as The Fist. He's a Scottish man living in Alberta because of a cult his parents started. We follow a few other interesting mascots including a worm, a plumber and an armadillo. They are all unique in strange ways.

Blue Underground presents 99 WOMEN (3-Disc Limited Edition)

Director:    Jess Franco
Star(s):    Maria Schell, Herbert Lom, Mercedes McCambridge, Luciana Paluzzi, Maria Rohm, Rosalba Neri, Elisa Montes, Valentina Godoy

The Demented Mother Of All Women-In-Prison Movies!

For his epic shocker of caged women gone wild, legendary director Jess Franco (MARQUIS DE SADE’S JUSTINE) brought together a once-in-a-lifetime cast of International beauties including Maria Schell (THE ODESSA FILE), Luciana Paluzzi (THUNDERBALL), Rosalba Neri (LADY FRANKENSTEIN) and Maria Rohm (VENUS IN FURS). Oscar® winner Mercedes McCambridge (JOHNNY GUITAR) and Herbert Lom (THE DEAD ZONE) co-star as the sadistic wardens of an island prison where abused yet luscious young lovelies surrender to their own depraved desires. Behind bars… without men… experience the unchained passion of 99 WOMEN!

Long censored around the world, Blue Underground is proud to present the Unrated Director’s Cut of 99 WOMEN in a brand new 4K restoration, along with startling Extras including an eye-popping interview with Jess Franco himself! This Limited Edition also includes a new 4K scan of the notorious French Version (LES BRULANTES) on a bonus Blu-ray Disc!

October 6, 2016

Cinema Head Cheese: Podshort! - Yoga Hosers (2016)

Kevin, Dalyn and Gio discuss the second film in Kevin Smith's Great North Trilogy.

Click here to listen or right click and choose "Save Link As..." to download.

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October 5, 2016

Movie Review: Meat (2010)

I swear to the gods, Dolniak, you ever send me an arthouse style film again, I will hunt you down, prop your eye lids open with toothpicks, and force you to watch Twilight on repeat for seven straight days. And then when you’re begging for mercy, I’ll put in From Justin to Kelly and leave you there for another seven.

Artspolitation Films (*eye roll*) brings us Meat, an independent award winning film (which means absolutely NOTHING to me if it’s rife with bullshit) about…I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA. It’s basically an art film that’s trying to be exploitation and fails SPECTACULARLY. Though I suppose it succeeded as an art film in which case IT JUST SUCKS MAJOR DONKEY BALLS.

Here’s the film description on IMDB:  “A girl is awakened to a world of cruelty, shadowy passions and sensuality.” They forget to mention it’s via a fat, sweaty, lusty butcher while she films everything and all imagery is some kind of fucking metaphor for humanity or something. I get no sensuality off this film. I suppose the cruelty is the slaughter of animals and not getting love from some guy she hardly knows. I guess peeing on someone could be considered a shadowy passion - it’s not for everyone.