The Movie Burrito: Volume 4 - Cultaminated

by David Hayes

Gigantis:The Fire Monster (1955)

This is the oft-ignored follow up to the original Godzilla! In this piece of foam rubber brilliance, Anguirus (a spiked turtle-type monster handily ripped off by Gamera) fights Godzilla. Tokyo is leveled again. Roll credits and get cracking building the next giant creature.

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The Woman Eater (1957)

Follow me here. A mad scientist has a giant carnivorous tree. In order to keep it happy he feeds it slutty half-clothed women. The tree gets so happy it makes a serum that can raise the dead. I have a sin to admit. I really enjoy giant plant movies. That said, The Woman Eater needs help. It’s sad when Ed Wood’s Venus Flytrap does it better. It’s sad that I can say that anything Ed Wood did was better.

The App Burrito: Volume 2 - Getting Schooled

Smartphones are not only a great place to play games and listen to music. They can also be portable learning centers. I use mine for just about everything, and as a later-in-life student, I have found several apps that serve as excellent reference material. It doesn't matter if you're studying astronomy, law, math or history. There is an app to help you through all of it. These are a few of my favorites.

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United States Constitution

We hear plenty about our Constitution these days. The problem is that most of the people that swing it over their heads have never read it. This app not only brings you the constitution, it breaks it down by Preamble, Articles and Amendments. It lists the signatories, gives a history and even lists failed Amendments. The app also provides a variety of complete documents such as the Declaration of Independence, The Articles of Confederation and the Miranda Warning. You can also read important speeches such as the Liberty or Death speech, the Gettysburg Address and I Have a Dream. The app is simple yet spectacular, and every American should have it. It's absolutely free, so there's just no excuse not to own it.

The App Burrito: Volume 1 - Fightin' Words

I might be considered a grammar Nazi to some people. I can't help it. I love words. If I didn't, I wouldn't write so much. It is super fun for me. I suppose it goes back to my comedy hero, George Carlin. The guy made language his bitch. I think that's why I enjoy the following apps. The greatest thing about smartphones is that you can do anything with them., What do I choose to do? I play a century old board game and do crossword puzzles. Old am I.

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Wordfeud

I never played a ton of Scrabble when I was a kid. I always enjoyed it, but it just never came up. I am a spelling guru, and I love to learn new words. Wordfeud is a game that basically lets you play Scrabble without boundaries. I have played some vile words on this game. My friend and I have played JAGS, CUNT, SHAT and so many other horrific things. There are some words that somehow don't make the cut, like ZEN, but for the most part, you can do what you want. The game allows you to randomize the bonus spaces like double and triple word score. It also allows you to play with specific people or random strangers. You can chat within the game, which is also very cool. Each player has up to seventy-two hours to take a turn, so it can fit into your busy life at your pace. When it is your turn, you can choose to receive a notification from the game. At the time I write this, I think I have nine games going.

The Movie Burrito: Volume 9 - GG Allin, Killer Puppets and a Troma classic.

On this Feburary edition of Cinema Head Cheese’s The Movie Burrito, we’re highlighting four very different DVDs, Todd Philips' masterpiece, Hated: GG Allin and The Murder Junkies, Combat Shock: Tromasterpiece Collection and the new release of the Canadian puppet sitcom, Puppets Who Kill: The Best of Seasons Three and Four from MVD Visual.

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In 1985, filmmaker Buddy Giovinazzo set out to create an experience for filmgoers that would not only make us think a little more about how our veterans were effected both physically and mentally by the Vietnam war but at the same time put the viewers through the hell along with the lead character, Frankie Dunlan (Ricky Giovinazzo). This film was called Combat Shock and didn’t just strike a nerve - it severed it .Although it’s comparable to Scorcese’s, Taxi Driver (both with their protagonists struggling ex-vets with mental illness) it’s far less upbeat. Yes, even Taxi Driver was Disney next to the horror of Combat Shock. Troma has included Combat Shock in their Tromasterpiece line with both versions, the original cut under the title, American Nightmares ( 100 minutes ) and the version commonly seen, running 92 minutes.

Buy Combat Shock on DVD

The Movie Burrito: Volume 8 - Korean Cult Films, Wrasslin', a Tromatic classic and a Synapse sickie.

In this edition of Cinema Head Cheese’s Movie Burrito, we tackle a wide variety of cinematic gems (okay, maybe not all gems). Here’s a look at a couple releases from Tartan/Palisades, Troma Films, MVD Visual, Synapse Films and Cheezy Flicks.

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First off, we have Cheezy Flick’s seven disc box-set of cult film trailers entitled Cheezy Trailer Extravaganza Box-Set. Each disc on this set contains various examples genre in short doses. Many of these trailers you may have already seen on other trailer compilations: Future World, The Giant Spider Invasion, Satan in High Heels, I Passed For White, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Day of The Animals, The Sinful Dwarf, The Abominable Dr. Phibes, The Green Slime and the gender-bending classic, Let Me Die a Woman.

Buy Cheezy Trailer Extravaganza Box Set on DVD

The good thing about this set is the sheer amount of content ( over seven hours) but the bad.. as you may expect from viewing previous Cheezy Flicks compilations, is the poor quality. I found many of the older black and white films to look the best picture and sound wise. Some of the worst image wise were the 70s biker trailers. These are especially awful, sporting almost an orange picture throughout. We do also get several repeats; most noticeably The Abominable Dr. Phibes. It’s an amazing film, I understand that, and love Vincent Price..But three times?

The Movie Burrito: Volume 7 - Full Moon Fever

This edition of Cinema Head Cheese's Movie Burrito covers some new releases from Full Moon Features, Echo Bridge Entertainment, Cinema Epoch and Subrosa.

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There’s going to be one name consistently mentioned on this helping of Cinema Head Cheese’s Movie Burrito: Charles Band. First up , we have two budget packs from Echo Bridge in conjunction with Full Moon Features: one consisting of Gingerdead Man and Gingerdead Man II:The Passion of the Crust and the other a triple-feature showcasing Full Moon classics, Dollman, Demonic Toys and Dollman Vs. The Demonic Toys. Gingerdead Man is a much like Child's Play but instead of the immense talents of Brad Dourif you have...well..Gary Busey.

Buy The Gingerdead Man Double Feature on DVD

The Movie Burrito: Volume 6 - Schlock and Awe

In this edition of Cinema Head Cheese’s The Movie Burrito, we have four brand-new DVD releases from Cinema Epoch, SubRosa Cinema and Wild Eye Releasing/MVD Visual.

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First up, schlock-master (and reality-TV star) Donald Farmer’s Scream Dream, starring the lovely Melissa Moore. The wicked lead-singer of a god awful heavy metal band possesses buxom beauty, Jamie Summers (Melissa Moore).There’s some blood, a couple pairs of enhanced teets but Scream Dream is truly a rough watch. It opens somewhat well with a topless minx getting chainsawed in her bed, but from there, it drops into a black-hole of ineptness .Don’t get me wrong, I live for movies like this, but Scream Dream is one of the poorest examples of “heavy metal horror”.Even eclipsing, Ferd and Beverly Sebastian’s, Rocktober Blood. The picture quality is also an area where this release fails - it looks like it was sourced from a 10th generation EP tape! Sound quality isn’t that much better, as it hums and buzzes like one of Grandma’s old vibrators. There is a great SubRosa trailer reel though!

The Podcast Burrito: Volume 1

I grew up listening to talk radio, and now that you can get it whenever you want, I am a happy boy.

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The Adam Carolla Podcast

Find Adam Carolla on Amazon.com

After taking over for Howard Stern on the Western half of the country, Carolla's show was an ever-changing entity. Once he moved into the podcast world, he started with one-on-one interviews and eventually got the crew from his morning show back together. Complete with news, Bald Bryan's sound effects and even Dawson's weed laced announcing, Carolla is back in business on his terms with his daily podcast.

The Movie Burrito: Volume 5 - Overrated

I hear so-called buzz all the time about great movies that I must see. I go in wondering what the hype is all about only to leave angry and disappointed. These are definitely somebody's favorite movies. They are definitely not mine. I feel bad for people who like these movies more than they should. I feel that there is a disconnect with rational thinking. I know I sound like an ass right now, but you really need to read a lot more of what I write in order to understand that I usually do. So there.

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The Matrix (1999)


This movie was praised for its special effects and unique filming style. I'll give the Wachowski brothers credit there. There was some amazing stuff happening on screen. Too bad none of the wondrous activity had anything to do with the story, the script or the acting. Keanu Reeves earned a lifetime boycott from me after Johnny Mnemonic, but I still watched this when it was on cable because I knew it couldn't really hold up to the hype, and I was right. Substance and talent be damned, the film was turned into a trilogy that got its fans to turn on it. That's the one thing about this series I truly appreciated.

Buy The Matrix on DVD or Blu-ray

The Movie Burrito: Volume 3 - Cultastrophe

by Jeff Dolniak

Are cult movies your thing? Do you love the so-bad-it's-good genre? Well nobody knows them like Jeff Dolniak, so sit back, dig in and worry about society as a whole.

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El Topo


Cult director Alejandro Jodorowskys incredible mind numbing hippie trip with out the acid. The imagery hits you consistently with some of the most bizarre images this side of Tod Browning. This film actually is a western to, but Eastwood wouldn’t touch this!! Recommended for lovers of weirdness and lots of midgets in films.

The Movie Burrito: Volume 2 - Documandatory

Documentaries are a great way to take a look at a particular topic in depth and dig into every angle. The great thing about them is that sometimes they bring you a subject that you might not ever think about. I know we all see the Michael Moore flicks in the mainstream, and deservedly so, but there are so many that slide by unnoticed. Here are a few that I think everyone should pop in the DVD player.



King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters

This is definitely on the top of my list for a reason. There has never been a film in my viewing history that made me root more for the hero and more against the villain than King of Kong. The tone is beautifully set with underdog Steve Wiebe, a potential major league pitcher who blew his arm out before his big chance, battling against Billy Mitchell, a hot sauce and barbecue king, for the title. Title of what? Highest all-time Donkey Kong score. From the history of the arcade championships to the most legendary arcade in competitive gaming, this film takes you on a journey of epic nerd proportions that paints Wiebe as a modern day Rocky Balboa.

The Movie Burrito: Volume 1 - Hilaritardity

Movie Burrito reviews are designed to be quick and easy and wrapped up in a tight little package, so here are a few little nuggets for you to enjoy. Volume 1 features a few of my favorite comedies and one that I would gladly wipe my ass with.

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Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

Jim Carrey in his first really big role. I don't know about you, but just when I think I'm sick of this movie, it still makes me laugh. Just the manic acting coupled with the animal interactions make this whole thing ridiculous. I guess it helps that I grew up a Jim Kelly fan and Dan Marino was practically Satan in my eyes. How could I not like that kicker's room?

BUY IT NOW ON DVD

The Movie Burrito: Volume 0 - Mamba Jamba Kick Yo' Ass Blaxploitation Movies

by David Hayes

Black Samson (1974) – You know, anything beginning with “black” in the seventies film world is going to be a treat. You already know there will be an oppressed African-American hero (this time Rockne Tarkington fills the bill) who must fight against the man and rescue/liberate/kill someone else for revenge. The incomparable William Smith, not to be confused with the DJ Jazzy Jeff version, is the slimy villain. Oh, and there are boobies.