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April 30, 2014

Cinema Head Cheese: The Podcast! #136 - Too Legit

Kevin brings only good things this week with reviews of Muppets Most Wanted, Jim Jefferies' Legit and John Oliver's new HBO venture, Last Week Tonight.

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Impulse Pictures Brings on the Memories, and the Mammaries, with Two Flicks from 1973 and 1974, the Years of the Deuce!


Mary Ellen and Sally, two lovely maids at a local hotel, are tired of their boring, dead-end cleaning jobs.  To liven up their work, these two horny honeys decide to give the guests a little extra “room service.” When some honeymooners and businessmen arrive, the humping and bumping gets even hotter for our heroines as the night goes on.  In the morning, will they decide to keep their jobs after all?

The amateurish camerawork, microphone shadows, elevator music, terribly recorded sound and “you are there” extreme sex close-ups, will bring you back to the days when adult films were cheap and fast and VERY sleazy.  Re-mastered from a scratchy, barely surviving, theatrical print, THE CHAMBERMAIDS is a steamy slice of 70’s sex cinema that will have you cleaning up your own room after you watch it! 

April 29, 2014

Movie Review: Empire of the Apes (2013)

Sick of all those well acted ape movies? Tired of seeing top of the line CGI? Fed up with fresh stories and writing? Then do I have the movie for you!

Empire of the Apes is basically THE biggest rip off of Planet of the Apes I’ve ever seen. Oh, excuse me. Homage. That’s code for “I couldn’t think of anything original so I just rewrote something I thought was bitchin”. What the fuck ever, dude.

The story, which is told in a flashback by a man about to be executed, is this. Space ship is transporting a cargo of female prisoners (read: three) to a distant plant where they have been sold to a species that only uses females for pleasure (is there any other use for them, besides making sandwiches?). But the women say, ‘oh, hell no’ and make their escape. Unfortunately, the short range pod they’ve stolen crashes on a nearby planet that is home to a species of talking apes. And by species I mean there are six of them.

The apes decide that the women will make great breeding stock to repopulate their species. Wait, what? But in order to determine which ape gets to breed with which girl, the ape leader, Korg, must bring back The Great Ape Games, i.e. really really bad fake WWE smack-downs. They will fight to determine who gets first pick.

And once they'd figured out the women were from off-planet, the apes must find a way to escape this world with them. Apparently, they’re stuck on this rock for reasons unknown (and who really cares) so when Zantor, the prisoner transport captain, tracks down the escapees, he and Korg strike a mutually beneficial deal. Unfortunately, they both plan to double cross each other.

April 28, 2014

Movie Review: Crimes and Misdemeanors (Blu-ray.1989)

Movie Review by Greg Goodsell

Directed by Woody Allen

Wealthy ophthalmologist Judah Rosenthal (Martin Landau) has everything. A prosperous practice, a loving wife and family and a flight attendant mistress, Dolores (Anjelica Houston). Tiring of their go-nowhere affair, Dolores threatens Judah to go to his wife about their relationship – as well as reveal some of financial shenanigans. Back against the wall, his life and career on the line, he listens to his hard-as-nails criminal brother Jack (Jerry Orbach) who can have Dolores whacked for X amount of dollars. Appalled that he would even consider such a thing, he goes ahead with the idea, and Dolores is killed, her murder made to look like a burglary break-in. After going through moral qualms, Judah becomes more confident than ever and returns to his world of high-class prestige.

A concurrent story involves documentary director Cliff Stern (director and writer Woody Allen) who is paid big money to make a film about talentless, overbearing TV personality Lester (Alan Alda). Stern wants to do a documentary about Professor Louis Levy (Martin Bergmann) who proffers fascinating theories about the God of the Old Testament. Stern justifies the high-paying project do fund his dream documentary, and takes the high road. Both Stern and Rosenthal meet, where Stern wonders if virtue really is its own reward.

I would never invite Stephen King to my house for movie night. He champions crap like The Boogens (1981), hates Dario Argento and he despises Kubrick’s adaptation of his The Shining (1980) to this very day. There’s one thing that both King and I agree upon: we’re no Woody Allen fans. He once wrote about putting off a trip to the drinking fountain in the movie theater’s lobby while watching Stardust Memories (1980) in order to give himself something to look forward to. Crimes and Misdemeanors is Allen at one of his most accessible while at the same time giving the viewer food for thought.

Movie Review: "Jodorowsky's Dune" (2014; Sony Pictures Classics)

...say you have a standard; a set standard, once innovative and unique. A standard, which initially might have instilled a sense of 'wow', amongst the masses, and now, is wholly accepted as 'the norm'...maybe even to the point of yawn-inducing. Then, as the cliched phrase goes, "...just when you've thought that you've seen everything under the sun, along comes..."; an artist, known and reputed for embraceable outrageousness, with a respectable following, mind you, but clearly, a level of imaginative 'over-the-top' craziness, with an underlining hint of wisdom...'thinking outside the box', as yet another cliched saying goes. And so, that artist takes that now.monotone standard, filters it through a different set of eyes, and suggests quite literally turning that standard on it's head...breathing new life into it, and yet, retaining the crust of what the standard stood for and meant...

...for this viewer, I love 'what if' scenarios. I became amoured with the 'what if' concept, at an early age, when the artistic and creative 'power-that-be', scribbling away at Marvel Comics, ingeniously came up with a unique and absolutely 'off-the-wall' comic book series, which took many of the super-powered hero a minimum, tweaked their histories...their mythos, here and there, and at most, quite literally shook the contents of the standard into a frenzied mish-mash...stood back, and gandered at what the outcome would be, storywise and direction, given the changes. As the result, some unique, creative...even bizarre and surreal ideas came to pass, and Marvel's "What If...??" series proved a phenomenal favorite, back in it's day...

April 27, 2014

Movie Review: Thanatomorphose (2013; Thanatofilms/Monster Pictures/Unearthed Films)

...for this viewer, one of his fervored favorite horror sub-genres, are films having to do with gradual and involuntary change. Mind you, not the normal, complacent and wholly accepted kind of change, which we as a human species, mature through, in the various stages of our lives. Nor the degradative and erosive effect of known disease...the undesirable cancers, tumors, stunted growths and cellular shifts, which often plague the human condition. No siree, we're talking the kind of change that culminates into something well out of the norm...unearthly, even monstrous, for lack of a better term. Reckless and unorthodox scientific self-experimentation. Contamination of one's system. Genetic mutation. Viral transmission. Bodily invasion or possession. Or even simply, through a bite from something...or perhaps, some thing. You feel the gradual see the even try to fight the change, if it's within your capability; however, time after time, in films of this horrific ilk, one eventually grows weary of the fight, and accepts the change...embracing it...surrendering to it's invasive purpose...even adapting one's mindset, to parallel with the progressive, ensuing, relentless and inevitable ugliness of what the body is becoming. In a way, it's almost a sensual thing...even erotic, in a rather skewed and twisted way. But what if the change is instigated from within...not willingly, per say, but on a deep, subconscious level, compelling one's outer form to change into, and conform with what & how the person truly is and feels, inside??...

April 26, 2014

Werewolves in Heat T-Shirt Fundraiser!

Here is your chance to help fund a new film directed by Lance Polland, good friend over here at the Head Cheese! It stars Ron Jeremy, Chris Raff, Chris Staviski and many more (including our very own David Hayes). We don't want your money for nothing, though! Werewolves in Heat need your help!

April 25, 2014

Movie Review: "Meet Him and Die" (1976; Raro Video)

...since the sixties, Italian cinema has relished a most illustrious and deliciously visceral engagement, in the eclectic arena of cult cinema, having dabbled in just about every genre under the sun. There's no denying the fervored fans of devotees of each and every genre...the Sword and Sandal flicks...the Gothic Horrors...the Spaghetti Westerns...the Post-Apocalyptic, Sci-Fi and Space flicks...the Gore-Drenched Splatter & Zombie Horror...the Enigmatic, Mystery-Drive Giallos. And of course...though measurably under-appreciated...there's the Action-Packed Crime Thrillers, or 'poliziotteschi', as they are coined by ardent devotees of the sub-genre. Wrought with tension-filled drama...crosses, double-crosses & even triple-crosses...daring getaways & dynamic chases...and of course, rampant & bloody gunplay, graphic & visceral enough to unnerve even the most seasoned & jaded of gore-mongers. Often emulating their American crime thriller counterparts, with parallel themes of revenge, family loyalty, undercover ops, honor amongst thieves, corruption amongst law enforcers, carefully planned & executed heists, and capers gone oh-so wrong, the 'poliziotteschi' films have still managed to garnish a most exclusive and exotic flavor, which has genuinely individualized and singled them out from their domestic inspirations...gritty, pulpish, juggernaut 'beasts', unto their own selves. Director Franco Prosperi's (..uh, no...not that Franco Prosperi, the director of the 'Mondo Cane' shockumentaries, as well as the brutally visceral and unflinching "Africa: Blood & Guts") singular entry into the genre, the 1976 actioner, "Meet Him and Die", might not be the best example, as far as this particular niche of film; however, there's still a whole heck of a lot here, to relish, nonetheless...

April 23, 2014

Movie Review: Nurse 3D (Blu-ray, 2014)

The whole “nurse” fantasy has been played out numerous times in films. Most notably, genre fans may remember Roger Corman’s prolific output in the “nurse” sexploitation department with late-night cable staples The Student Nurses and Candy Stripe Nurses. We’ve also seen the other angle with the killer nurse in the slashers Nurse Sherri and the Death Nurse films. Writer / Director Douglas Aarniokoski takes both motifs and combined them in making really sexy (and often naked) psycho nurse with his feature Nurse 3D.

Boardwalk Empire’s Paz de la Huerta plays Abby Russell, a pouty-lipped, scrumptiously bottom-heavy killer nurse looking to make sleazy, cheating men an endangered species. She uses her skill as a nurse to off these unpleasant fellows in a variety of ways – some even cringe-inducing for those with anything swinging in their trousers.

Movie Review: Knights of Badassdom (2013, Blu-ray)

I’ve never been into Dungeons and Dragons. I was never a gamer; I don’t own any hexagonal dice; I didn’t even read any fantasy novels until I was well into my 20s. But I adore going to the Renaissance Festival every year. Most times I even dress up. I love seeing people immerse themselves in any kind of experience from cosplay to LARPing. So if I enjoyed this flick, I can only imagine how much it speaks to those who take the role-playing/reenacting life more seriously than I ever have.

Knights of Badassdom stars Ryan Kwanten as Joe, a doom metal musician whose super hot girlfriend dumps him because she wants more from life. Joe’s friend and roommate, Eric (Steve Zahn), thinks he needs to get over it by joining him and their good friend, Hung (Peter Dinklage), in a Live Action Role Playing experience over the weekend. Joe reluctantly agrees.

During a LARPing ritual, Eric pulls out an ancient book and picks a random page from which to read. Unfortunately for everyone involved in this weekend’s happenings, the book is an authentic spell manual created by demons that were accidentally summoned by a monk back in the 1600s. Eric calls up a demon succubus that wreaks havoc upon the festival goers. Once they realize it’s not part of the game and that the world is in some serious shit, our band of merry pranksters must accept the terrifying truth and complete a real quest to vanquish the evil.

When I first saw ads and articles about this movie I got very excited. I love the idea of some everyday folks that play at Lord of the Rings are faced with real evil and must use their fake fighting skills to save the day. It didn’t hurt that Ryan Kwanten and Steve Zahn were two of the stars. And for the fellas (and Firefly fans) out there, Summer Glau plays Gwen who can kick some serious ass with her foam swords.

April 21, 2014

Movie Review: Conrack (1974; 20th Century Fox/Twlight Time)

...admittedly, there was a time when this ardent purveyor of cinema would, without fail, amorously engage and embrace the dramatic sub-genre of 'unconventional and idealist teacher, called in by the 'establishment' to help educate the seemingly help, where others have an arena of hypocrisy, where the 'establishment' really doesn't seem to care, and becomes irate, when said teacher repeatedly bucks the system, does things his/her own way, and in the end, succeeds where the so-called 'establishment' and 'system' have failed'. After all, it's so easy to get caught up in the emotion, relatability and compelling sense of inspiration of these stories...even those often labeled as 'based on a story'. We've all seen these stories, often before, in naming just a few of these dramatic films like 1989's "Lean on Me", 1955's "Blackboard Jungle" and 1988's "Stand and Deliver". Exploitative takes on the genre, like 1981's "Class of 1984", and 1987's "The Principal". Even humorous facets, like 1987's "Summer School", and the recent 2012 chuckle-inducing, "Here Comes the Boom". As irresistible as these films are, one cannot help but feel that the sub-genre has long since fallen into the niche of 'cliche', and as such, seem less sensitive, compelling and know, the ol' yawn-inducing, 'been there, done that' syndrome...

April 20, 2014

Interview: D. J. Perry

If you are at all interested in the independent film scene, then you have run across indie and international film star D.J. Perry. If you haven’t seen him performing, you’ve certainly seen his handiwork as a screenwriter and producer. It doesn’t even matter where you live since Perry’s work is available worldwide and across multiple delivery systems. I was fortunate enough to run across D.J.’s work early in both of our careers. My first exposure to Perry as an actor was one of his first films, In the Woods (1999). Admittedly, the scare-genre picture didn’t have the finesse or stylistic achievements that have dotted Perry’s later productions, but his performance, even early on, was one to note. Honesty of characterization and affect in a micro-budget horror film isn’t something one runs across very often. After viewing, I sat up, took notice and kept track of Perry as his career flourished. It helped that we were both from the same general vicinity in Nordic-like Michigan. Films like Knight Chills (2001), an effective Dungeons & Dragons melding of dark fantasy and modern horror, The 8th Plague (2006), Dean Teaster’s Ghost Town (2007), Deadly Renovations (2010) and many more where Perry performed, produced, wrote or served in a combination of each firmly established him as an in-demand genre actor. I recently had the distinct pleasure of appearing in the upcoming Quiet Dead with Perry and was not only amazed to be in the same film, but to share the screen. 

Book Review: Orgy of the Dead by Ed Wood

“No one wishes to see a man dance!”
— Criswell
Orgy of the Dead (A. C. Stephen Productions, 1965)

If one is expecting this book to be a virtual adaptation of Wood’s Orgy of the Dead (1965) screenplay and film, rest assured. Although the film was an hour and fifteen minutes, there was only 22 minutes of dialogue. The rest of the time was spent with bad strippers in pseudo-supernatural dances being leered at by the infamous Criswell (of Criswell Predicts! fame and immediately recognizable to any Ed Wood fan). The novelization of the film proves to be quite a bit more entertaining. The book itself is a compilation of some of Wood’s short stories. This book even includes an introduction by Forrest J. Ackerman (who invented the term “sci-fi” and served as Wood’s self-proclaimed “illiterary” agent for a time). Many of the stories in Orgy were published previously or subsequently (owing to the nature of the smut-biz). One of Wood’s best shorts, “The Night the Banshee Cried” is included in this volume at no extra cost to you and is one of the Orgy of the Dead standouts. The book itself was fairly successful. In a past conversation with Forrest Ackerman, he related a story about Wood and Orgy. Ackerman stated that Wood would call him at all hours, sometimes drunk, and finally, to end the intrusions, Ackerman negotiated the deal with Greenleaf to publish Orgy of the Dead. Needless to say, Ackerman was not a big fan of Wood’s writing or subject matter.

April 18, 2014

Movie Review: Badges of Fury (aka Bu er shen tan, 2013)

Movie Review by Greg Goodsell

Directed by Tsz Ming Wong

An action film star plunges to his death without his parachute. A dancer is crushed to death by his overweight partner. A high diver plunges to his death during a competition. All three men die with smiling grimaces on their faces, to the consternation of the Hong Kong Police Department. Veteran cop Huang Feihong (Jet Li) and eager-to-impress rookie Wang Bu’er (Zhang Wen) trace the victim’s mysterious deaths to aspiring action starlet Liu (Shishi Liu). While the toast of action cinema, Liu has had little luck in the romance department. The three aforementioned men who died in freak accidents were all at one time betrothed to her, before they were stolen out from under her by her – according to the subtitles – “catty skank” older sister, Angela (Michelle Chen) who lives very comfortably in spite of her most unglamorous position as a life insurance salesperson. There are lots of “hilarious” fight scenes and “wire fu” involving peripheral characters, until Bu’er has a capital suggestion: Why doesn’t he draw out the killer by proposing marriage to Liu? There is a big slam-bang surprise ending.

April 16, 2014

Movie Review: Frightmare (Blu-ray,1974)

It seems whenever there is some strong discussion on controversial horror directors from the UK, one name that almost always gets thrown around, is Peter Walker. The sleazy and often bloody works of Peter Walker (The Flesh and Blood Show, Die Screaming Marianne, House of Whipcord) aren't for everybody but neither is Tyler Perry.  Recently Walker’s films have gotten the high definition treatment thanks to the folks at Redemption Films. One of his masterpieces of note that fans of 70’s horror and Peter Walker might want to track down is the latest incarnation on the Blu-ray format for Frightmare.

After over a decade and a half in an insane asylum an elderly cannibalistic fortune-teller (Shiela Kieth, The Comeback, and House of Long Shadows) is released to snack on the unknowing townsfolk. For all they know she’s just another polite granny, who in a lot of ways looks a bit like Mrs. Doubtfire. Her husband, Edmund (Rupert Davies) doesn’t help matters as he continues to enable her, as bodies begin to pile up in their farmhouse. Of course the local police are on it but like most lawmen in horror they just chase their tales.

Movie Review: The Truth About Emanuel (2013, Blu-ray)

“You can’t handle the truth!” And if by truth you mean that the title character in this movie is not the whiny little bitch you think but actually a deeply caring and vulnerable young girl then yeah, I can’t handle it. Mostly because I don’t buy it.

The Truth About Emanuel stars Kaya Scodelario as Emanuel, a brooding 17-year old girl who considers herself a murderer because her mother died while giving birth. She spends her days being all intense and dark. And each year, as her birthday approaches, she turns the annoying brat-o-meter up to 11 by making her father retell the story of her mother’s death. Minute by agonizing minute.

What an asshole.

But this year is a bit different. A mysterious woman, Linda, moves in next door and she just happens to look a lot like Emanuel’s dead mom. Naturally Emanuel is drawn to her and becomes her friend, basically replacing something she’s never had with a doppelganger. A demented doppelganger but I move too soon.

Because of this blossoming relationship, Emanuel seems to come out of her shell a bit. She’s nicer to her coworkers, reaches out to a cute boy on the commuter train and starts dating him but don’t worry. She still manages to maintain her spiteful angry attitude toward her step-mom. Because remember, she’s all dark and avant-garde and unique.

What. An. Asshole.

April 13, 2014

Movie Review: Battle of the Damned (2013)

Reviewed By: James

Dolph Lundgren meets Resident Evil, 28 Days Later, Pacific Rim and World War Z. We start the film off with the infection threat. Dolph is on a mission to go with his crew and rescue a very important scientist’s daughter in a city that holds very few survivors but a ton of zombies. A military blockade surrounds the city and no one is allowed to enter it or leave it. So, Dolph who plays Major Max Gatling is going thru this city looking for his daughter named Jude. The first ten to fifteen minutes you get the fast running zombies who destroy all of Dolph’s team except him. After the opening credits which happen around the 15 minute mark we meet Jude who is a pretty badass fighter and zombie killer herself. When Dolph rescues her, is when we learn that Jude is part of a survival group that is led by Duke. The film goes into story mode with us learning about all the survivors and watching Max try to get Jude to leave with him. There is just one catch; Jude wants all of them to leave together not just her. Which fumbles the plan of Max because he knows her father is going to burn down the whole city and everyone will die. The robots come into serious play around the 50 minute mark, and I will admit it was not as hokey as I thought it would be.

April 11, 2014

Movie Review: The Black Torment (1964)

By Greg Goodsell

Directed by Robert Hartford-Davis

Buy Black Torment on DVD

Eighteenth-century aristocrat Sir Richard Fordyke (John Turner) returns to his country estate in Devon with blushing bride Elizabeth (Heather Sears). They are met with an extremely chilly reception, as the nearby villagers are dealing with the rape and murder of farm girl, which with her dying breath declared Fordyke as her killer. This simply can’t be true, as Fordyke has just spent the last three months in London with his new wife – but skeletons, literally and figuratively begin to emerge from the family’s closet. Elizabeth learns that her husband’s previous wife, Anne, leapt to her death from a high window as a mysterious ghostly woman in white is seen haunting the grounds, chanting “murderer!” Even more illogical things begin to occur around the newlyweds. A leather craftsman comes forward to insist that Fordyke ordered a new saddle in person while he was ostensibly in London, with his dead wife’s name stitched upon it. Is our hero mad, or being haunted from malevolent spirits from beyond the grave? Bodies pile up, and the truth is shockingly revealed.

Franco's DEMONS and More Coming Soon From Kino and Redemption Films!

NEW YORK, NY - APRIL 9, 2014 - Kino Lorber and Redemption are proud to announce the release of Jess Franco's THE DEMONS in its complete, uncensored cut on Blu-ray, newly mastered in HD from the original 35mm elements, and THE BLACK TORMENT, a Gothic horror film by Robert Hartford-Davis that will be released on DVD, mastered in HD from 35mm archival elements.

Continuing its releases of the best in European horror in newly-mastered editions from original film elements, Kino Lorber and Redemption are pleased to bring these two films to horror fans on April 29th with special features including interviews that give new insight into the creation of these stylish and atmospheric films. 

THE DEMONS is the latest of Kino Lorber and Redemption's digital restorations of the films of Jess Franco, including such critically-acclaimed releases as FEMALE VAMPIRE, A VIRGIN AMONG THE LIVING DEAD, and the Rondo Award-nominated THE AWFUL DR. ORLOF.

April 10, 2014

Movie Review: L’immortelle (1963, Blu-ray)

Movie Review by Greg Goodsell

Directed by Alain Robbe-Grillet

How can one accurately review a film that is inherently beyond criticism? The screenwriter behind the prototypical art-house snoozer Last Year at Marienbad (1961), Alain Robbe-Grillet bravely goes beyond mere cinematic syntax to drag the viewer through a series of tableaux that are by themselves beyond comprehension. Seeing that this probably wouldn’t have sold tickets, Robbe-Grillet had the good sense to hire the frostily beautiful Françoise Brion and hinge the story on “kind of, sort of” sexual acts. 

A morose-looking professor (Jacques Doniol-Valcroze) arrives in Istanbul. He’s glum and forlorn, a Stranger in a Strange Land. Aforementioned pretty lady (Françoise Brion) gives him a lift. He informs here that he is in Istanbul for the next two years. They go to a party. The camera drifts over several people, they get and leave, the camera is obscured by people walking in front of it, etc. We learn that the professor’s name is Andre. Not knowing anyone, he asks his newfound female friend to translate Turkish. “I don’t know a word of Turkish,” she says, and then turns around and uses perfect Turkish to a tour guide. The professor confronts her and she says something to the effect of “I don’t know Turkish, I only know how to speak Turkish when I talk to the Turks.” I have no idea.

Shower of Blood (2004) Movie Review

I bought this film a few years back at a horror convention because it was from Brain Damage Films. They don’t always deliver great B-movie fare but I was willing to risk $5 on it because I enjoyed Hell’s Highway so much. Little did I know that our own David Hayes was one of the screenwriters. That’s the only good thing about this flick.

Shower of Blood opens with a quick scene of some poor woman being attacked in the woods. Apparently, there has been a series murders in a local forest and she is the latest victim. Cue the opening credits scrolling over a naked woman rubbing blood all over her tithes.

Next we see a group of friends on their way to visit the one girl’s uncle’s house. I don’t know why and I certainly don’t care. But here’s the character breakdown: Lisa (ball-buster) and Kurt (douche nozzle), Heather (virgin) and Terry (moron), and Megan (drunken slut). Lisa’s Uncle Marty, whose house they are traveling to, isn’t home when they arrive but since she’s family she can let them all in to crash and raid the fridge.

April 9, 2014

Movie Review: The Eddy Duchin Story (1956, Twilight Time Blu-ray)

Review By: Rob Sibley

Twilight Time is becoming one of my favorite labels. They continue to release everything from Peckinpah classics to Bruce Campbell B-movie shlock fests and even the classics. "The Eddy Duchin Story" starring two legends of the silver screen, Tryone Power & Kim Novak. With such legends as the great James Whitmore in supporting roles.

I personally felt ashamed that I never saw this film because it's that good. I consider myself a huge Tyrone Power fan. Even in films with weak screenplays his performances were always top notch. He never pay-checked it even when he was in a turkey. Then we have Kim Novak another legend. A woman who starred in two of my favorite films of all time. "Man with the golden arm" the grim Sinatra classic and Hitchcock's Vertigo (My personal favorite).

April 8, 2014

Cinema Head Cheese: The Podcast! #135 - You Go Now!

Kevin gets into an all comedy movie lineup. He talks about How to Be a Man and How to Lose Friends and Alienate People. He then goes into a whirlwind of stand-up specials that include Ben Stiller, Mike Myers, Seth Meyers, Tom Segura, Bob Saget, Amy Schumer, Tom Papa and more.

He also talks about the passing of Mickey Rooney, John Pinette and The Ultimate Warrior, as well as David Letterman's pending retirement.

Click here to listen or right click and choose "Save Link As..." to download.

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April 7, 2014

Interracial Sex Havoc Part #3: 1975

We continue our journey through interracial sex in the movies, and this time we’ll take a look at films from 1975. Not all films included here are pornographic, but they had to have at least one interracial sex scene in order to qualify. For this chapter I wrote about plenty of golden age porn [one including legend John Holmes], a couple of art films [one by Pier Paolo Pasolini] and more. So, enjoy!

La bête (1975)
This English, French, Italian co-production is set in France and it concerns the adventures of the title’s beast which is raping women in the woods. Bestiality you say, but all I see is a man in a suit. There are a lot of horses fucking each other in this film too. I wish I was making this up.
The director’s name (Walerian Borowczyk) says a lot to some people, but I am not a fan of his work. Anyway, this exploitative “art” film contains several interracial sex scenes between a sexy white girl and a black servant [Hassane Fall]. Those are always interrupted and the poor girl has to masturbate afterwards, but said scenes don’t seem pornographic when compared to the sequences described in the above paragraph. The humour is also lame, and the icing on the cake is a disgusting masturbation scene that involves a rose. I’m grossed.

Count the Ways (1975)
Cunt the ways! I always wanted to write that. Now, on with the film... It was written and directed by Ann Perry and when it doesn’t focus on hardcore sex scenes, it looks like a decent exploitation movie from its era.
The story revolves around a teacher who loves his poetry, but above all loves young flesh (well, not so young judging by the apparent age of the female stars). The first (rather quick) sex scene happens between him and one of his students. They start to make out in soft-core fashion, then the shot goes out of focus, then in focus again and the thing becomes hardcore.
The second sex scene happens in the back of a van between a moustached man and a hot girl. It’s actually hot and impressive considering how risky it was to film it as the van’s windows were open and the vehicle was driven in the middle of a busy highway. You can see other cars passing by, whilst obviously their drivers had no idea they’d become part of classic smut history. It’s amazing how this film doesn’t stick to cheap interiors, unlike much of the era’s crap quickies.
Anyway, a bit later, the van’s student couples go in a cabin where they fuck each other’s brains out, whilst the moustached guy wears Super-Man underwear. And here we have the film’s only interracial scene of interest: it happens between a white guy and a black girl.
The film’s hottest scene though happens between a black man and a black girl who get it on in a bathtub. Her breasts are gorgeous beyond belief.
And there’s also a scene in which the teacher is fucking a student in the snow. I’m not sure how he managed to get a hard-on in such a freezing environment, but he did. I’m sure they got pneumonia from the stunt though.
The last scene is quite arty and it reminded me of the late-night ‘90s soft-core TV movies, only this is hardcore.

April 5, 2014

Lingerie Fighting Championships: Leather Vs. Lace Coming to DVD April 22nd from Wild Eye Releasing

New York, NY - Wild Eye Releasing is bringing home a look at world's first all-female MMA league.  Following a successful debut on Pay-Per-View, Lingerie Fighting Championships: Lace vs Leather will be available to own on DVD April 22nd.   The Lingerie Fighting Championships were founded by Roni Taylor after seeing two ring girls get into a fight at an MMA event and realizing the audience was more interested in that fight than any of the real fights. She runs the league with an iron fist and recruits only the hottest girls to fight for her.  Lace vs Leather is the first match of the wildly successful series.
Lingerie Fighting Championships: Lace vs Leather features the world's most controversial MMA league where beautiful mixed martial artists, dressed only in lingerie, train and do battle.  Starring Lingerie Football star Michelle "Scrapper" Blanchard and ex-pro wrestler Arik Loegen, go behind the scenes for an action-packed mix of combat sports, drama and humor in the tradition of UFC and WWE.

Movie Review: Cocaine Cowboys: Reloaded (Blu-ray, 2006)

Drug addiction and the incredibly lucrative drug trade have been a huge part of some serious societal issues in the states over the past few decades. Importing and selling cocaine during the late 1970's and 80's in Florida is the hot topic of the Billy Corben’s thoroughly engaging documentary Cocaine Cowboys (2006). Magnet and Magnolia entertainment has been no stranger to provocative films and hard-hitting documentaries so recently they have put out a longer cut of the film you may have first caught on cable in a longer edit and titled it Cocaine Cowboys: Reloaded on Blu-ray.

The film contains interviews with dealers, lawmen and even one of the most vicious hitmen (now serving time on death-row) to ever be involved in crimes in the Florida and Miami / Dade County area. We start from the ever brutal beginnings in 1978-79 when many Cuban immigrants came to Florida thanks to a maybe too friendly gesture by then president, Jimmy Carter. When the cocaine trade was at its peak in the 1980's, the demand for illegal narcotics caused blood to flow frequently in the streets.

April 2, 2014

Movie Review: The Front (Blu-ray)

Review By: Mike Heenan

With all the recent media attention and personal attacks on Woody Allen from his crazy ex, it’s hard to remember that at one time he was actually a respectable filmmaker, writer, and in the case of The Front, an actor.  It was the first film that he didn’t have any control over writing or directing and was simply just an actor.  Allen was quoted as trusting director Martin Ritt as Ritt had survived the McCarthy years of the HUAC (House Un-American Activities Committee), as did co star Zero Mostel.

Allen stars as Howard Prince, who works as a cashier in a diner and is a bit of a con artist and gambler. One day one of his old friends Alfred Miller, played by Michael Murphy, stops by to tell Howard that he’s been blacklisted from his industry, of which Howard assumes to mean he has some sickness.   Over a game of chess, Miller comes up with a scheme to present to Howard that apparently has worked in the past, which is a “front”.  The blacklisted writer would write his scripts, but use an unknown person to be the public writer of the script.  Howard easily accepts his cut of 10% of the sales due to his many gambling debts.

April 1, 2014

Movie Review: Attack of the Crab Monsters (1957)

There’s an STD joke in here somewhere…

I’ve always enjoyed the Edgar Allan Poe movies of the 1960s directed by Roger Corman. But I realized I haven’t seen more than a small fraction of RC’s work, particularly the sci-fi monster movies from the 50s (with the exception being The Wasp Woman - that shit was awesome!).

And so I’ve rectified my terrible short comings by taking a gander at Attack of the Crab Monsters. The opening credits alone scream cheese ball as they’re hand drawn and look how Ariel’s world would have ended up if Ursula had succeeded in defeating King Triton.

There is a lot of talking in this flick because I can only guess the available money went to pay for the actors and that’s about it. So not as many action shots as there are looooong minutes of explanation as to why the people are on this particular island, and one character actually tells us (via random naval crew guy #2) the names and occupations of every fucking person.

Basically a crew of scientists and Navy guys need to search a little spit of an island for a research crew that disappeared from there earlier. And wouldn’t you know it but people start dying two minutes in: random crew guy #4 falls out of the dinghy and is pulled back up without his head. That’s less than optimal.

Movie Review: Legend of the Hillbilly Butcher (2014)

“Based on a true story.” Are you fucking kidding me?

Legend of the Hillbilly Butcher begins with a grandpa and his three grandkids during story time. He thinks The Bouncy Bunny is lame piece of shit and decides to tell the little half-pints the story of the Hillbilly Butcher. Because nothing says family bonding like sharing tales of murder, mayhem, and cannibalism with children under 10 years old.

Carl Henry Jessup grew up in the backwoods of...does it matter? It’s the backwoods. His parents owned a butcher shop and the local rumors swirling around told tales of long-pig being served up from that establishment. Grandpa says the meat was rather tasty but let’s skip over that part, and the granddaughter’s “what the fuck” face, and let us gentle viewers know that Carl’s parents were killed and he now basically lives like a hermit on the family land.

And let me tell you. He don’t like folk on his land. There are three things you need to know about Carl:
1. The law ends at his property line.
2. No hunting on his property.
3. No fucking on his property.