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June 27, 2010

Movie Review: Blood Bound: Meat Market Cut (2006)

by David Hayes

86 min. - Horror

Gotta love any movie that has a black and white intro, 10 years in the past. Especially when the filmmakers are so concerned with authenticity that they use equipment that is 10 years old. Broken equipment, obviously. So, in the past some cops were hypnotized by a vampire lady. Then nothing happened. We flash forward, 10 years later, and now we're on a college campus... where nothing is happening. There is the obsessed cop, photo nerd, the slut, the smart girl, the jock and the jock's friends so we are all ready for a good, old fashioned massacre. Of course, these guys found a way to screw that up. There is a vampire on the loose here in the city and obsessive cop is on the hunt. It would be easier to figure that out if the filmmakers had any idea how lights work. We would be able to see an image that way. So the obsessive cop is on the lookout, after being fired from the force for being an obsessive cop, and SLOWLY tracking down the vampire... who has recruited his partner from the past as a bloodsucking fiend. By fiend we mean stiff of an actor, of course. Meanwhile, the photo nerd is working for the vampire and recruits the slut and the smart girl for a "killer" party at a bar called The Meat Market. Ahhh, finally a return to the witty dialogue and ironic happenstance made popular by the films of yore.

The Movie Burrito: Volume 1 - Hilaritardity

Movie Burrito reviews are designed to be quick and easy and wrapped up in a tight little package, so here are a few little nuggets for you to enjoy. Volume 1 features a few of my favorite comedies and one that I would gladly wipe my ass with.

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

Jim Carrey in his first really big role. I don't know about you, but just when I think I'm sick of this movie, it still makes me laugh. Just the manic acting coupled with the animal interactions make this whole thing ridiculous. I guess it helps that I grew up a Jim Kelly fan and Dan Marino was practically Satan in my eyes. How could I not like that kicker's room?


June 23, 2010

Movie Review: Abe's Tomb (2006)

Review by David Hayes

89 min. - Horror (2006)

From the onset we're in a world of hurt. A serious, micro-budget world of hurt. From the very first frame, reading Abe's Tomb: The Movie (seriously, the viewer has to physically put the DVD in the player and sit down and still they felt the need to add 'The Movie'). Apparently, from the voice over in the beginning, the world has been overrun by vampires and it started in Moore 's Lake (the desolate, post-apocalyptic town consists of only a semi-empty alley). I'm not quite sure what state Moore's Lake is in, but wherever it is, they don't have anyone that can work a camera there... at least without kicking the tripod from time to time, or stop pointing the camera directly into the sun or keep it in focus.

So, before the vampire plague got out of control, the town cop convinces the town reporter to ask the town ghoul, Abe, to help them with their vampire problem. Of course, we don't see the vampire problem, it is told to us, in voice over, by the owner of the ice cream shop. There is also a team of vampire hunters in town with cool names like Sabre, Raven and Creeper. We still aren't sure why they've arrived in town since the ice cream guys voiceover made no mention of them. Back to Abe. He lives in a cave, is about seven feet tall and consists of a dude in a skeleton mask and a hood.

Interview: Cory Udler from Incest Death Squad

 by Jeff Dolniak

CU: Hey Jeff!
Thanks so much for asking me to do this! Thrilled and honored to do it!!

CHC: Hello Cory! Can you tell us a little about your soon to be cult classic "INCEST DEATH SQUAD"?

CU: First, I just want to thank you for asking me to do this! Incest Death Squad, man, where to start. I wrote the script about 7 years ago, right around the time I started to do some professional screenplay writing for a company out of Costa Mesa, California. My experience with them was anything but pleasant, but I learned a great deal about how to format a script, etc. I sat on it for a while, because, honestly, at that point I had no point of reference on how to make a film. Granted, I had gone to school for multimedia arts and video production, sound production and editing, but to make a feature film? No clue. I sent the script off to a few script competitions, and let me just say if you're planning on doing something like this-DON'T BOTHER! Its' a complete racket, and anyone who has submitted their script or their completed film to film fests knows that it's not about your film, it's about who you know, plan and simple. So, probably 2 and a half years ago, I was surfing the Troma website and saw an ad that Lloyd (Kaufman) was looking for his next feature film script, so I sent him Incest Death Squad and he actually took the time to call me on the phone and tell me how much he enjoyed it, how I was on the "right track" and to keep at it. I met him about 6 months later, and talked to him about the script and he told me to "make my own damn movie" and if I ever did to make sure I called him and he'd come and be in it for me. That was the catalyst to actually put the wheels in motion to make the film. So, I sat on the idea for a while, but decided I was kind of in the right place, right mind set to give this feature filmmaking thing a shot. I had been doing short films, and I loved doing that, but a feature is a totally different animal altogether. So, I had a casting call, got basically the main cast in place, and just made the damn thing. We went into production in March of 09, wrapping up the first week of June 09, had post done by July, premiered it in October and I have been sending it everywhere around the world since then! The premise of the movie is an incestuous brother and sister who kill tourists in the name of God. Tom Lodewyck plays a reporter sent to the northwoods to do a story on "dead hookers" by his boss (played by Lloyd Kaufman) but winds up falling for a motel owner and finding his curiosity on the disappearances of tourists in that area too much to handle, and winds up getting caught up in the bloodlust of the Wayne family. The story stemmed from George Bush and his "pipeline to God" mentality, and also from a fishing trip with my father in law, where I heard him say the "f" word for the first time ever when our quiet day of beer drinking and bluegill fishing was interrupted by some jackass on a jet ski. The holy angle came from Bush, and the kill tourists angle came from that. The movie itself is hard to categorize, and I hate that in this country, hell, across the world for that matter, that we all have to categorize everything. You are black, you are white. This is horror, this is comedy. Incest Death Squad melds about 4 different genres, but at the end of the day it's just exploitation with a heart.

June 14, 2010

The Movie Burrito: Volume 0 - Mamba Jamba Kick Yo' Ass Blaxploitation Movies

by David Hayes

Black Samson (1974) – You know, anything beginning with “black” in the seventies film world is going to be a treat. You already know there will be an oppressed African-American hero (this time Rockne Tarkington fills the bill) who must fight against the man and rescue/liberate/kill someone else for revenge. The incomparable William Smith, not to be confused with the DJ Jazzy Jeff version, is the slimy villain. Oh, and there are boobies.

June 10, 2010

Interview: Writer/Director Vito Trabucco

Jeff Dolniak interviews writer/director Vito Trabucco about Bloody Bloody Bible Camp.

CHC: How did "Bloody Bloody Bible Camp" come about?

VT: ---BBBC came about 7 years ago after we finished our first film, B-Movie. The co-producer of that film, Shelby McIntyre and myself wanted to do a massacre film centered around religion, but in a comedic way. About 2 days later I get a call from him. All I hear on the other line is BLOODY-BLOODY-BIBLE-CAMP. I loved it! And I loved the fact we had a title and nothing else. So instead of making a poster, we had the first draft of the script done in about 3 weeks. After I moved to LA, Shelby stayed in Florida so we weren't sure if we were ever going to make it. Then about 2 years ago I was producing a film called Weak Species. That's where I met Christopher Maltauro who became our executive producer and the rest is history.

Find Vito Trabucco on